It took several years for the ladies of Sex And The City to finally figure that whole cell phone thingie out (Carrie’s neon pink contraption in the series finale was one of the cutest/saddest attempts by a TV show to be “cool” we’ve ever seen) and, as these two leaked clips from the movie show, it’s taken them until now to conquer the Booty Text discussion. In the first clip — spoiler-phobes should avoid there eyes starting NOW — Sarah Jessica Parker brags to her assistant, played by Jennifer Hudson, about her texting ignorance before launching into a wink-filled lecture on what exactly your 20s, 30s and 40s are all about. And in the second, SJP brags to her hags about her brand new apartment before launching into a wink-filled lecture on boys ‘n real estate. We haven’t been winked at so many times since...the series finale of Sex And The City.

Just when we didn't think we could be muster interest in another dispatch from Cannes, along comes Spout's resourceful Karina Longworth with five words: "Macaulay Culkin group sex movie." Apparently Sex and Breakfast is among the hundreds of films screening at the Cannes market, featuring Culkin and Eliza Dushku (!) as a troubled Los Angeles couple consulting a sex therapist who prescribes open relationships to help liven things up. "After sex, I get this moment of clarity," Culkin says in closing, something he's likely pondered aloud before staring up a Peter Pan ceiling mural at Neverland Ranch. "Do you ever get that?"

Bravely taking the Larry King Live lukewarmseat last night to promote her new E! reality series, Denise Richards: I'm Hateful, the actress fielded a barrage of intermittently relevant softballs from the broadcast legend ("Charlie Sheen: Father of your children?...Good guy?...What does he bench press, around?...Iron Man: your kind of movie?...Where do you fall on tofu?"), which she dutifully answered with refreshing candidness. Sadly, she and Sheen are not currently speaking, with Richards relying on her commando-nanny go-between to shuffle their children between the households, deftly avoiding concussion on her mad dash back to the Land Rover at the hands of a Sheen-manned pneumatic tennis-ball cannon. [Larry King Live]

As thrilled as we were to see Dina Lohan’s pity party come to life in a preview from Living Lohan yesterday, we truly wish those suits over at E! had picked the other guiding light in Lindsay’s life to trail around with cameras. A tipster alerted us to this clip, showing just another night out on the town (well, in a trailer) for Michael Lohan. We’re not sure which is more jarring: Michael’s impressions of both Cousin It and Dina Lohan, or the reminder that countless famewhores exist out there so desperate for fame they will venture into a trailer with Michael Lohan just hoping he’ll hire them to be Lindsay’s new BFF.

Google has reportedly turned over the necessary information to identify an Orkut user who wrote "I hate Sonia Ghandi." The Indian government had the name of the perpetrator, Rahul Vaid, but Google provided the IP address that pinpointed his location. This is not the first time Google has helped a foreign government go after its own citizens. After the jump, Boing Boing TV filmed the art pranksters from the Billboard Liberation Front and Monochrom teaming up to help Google advertise their close relationship with the ruling Chinese Communist Party's Internet censors — on the day of Google's annual shareholder meeting, no less. "Do no evil" seems pretty darn flexible if you're a moral relativist with profitable interests in international markets.

My god I'm in love with this young singer. YouTube user Julia Nunes plays the ukulele and harmonizes with herself on covers of pop music by artists including Ben Folds, the Beatles, Weezer, Say Anything, Kanye West and Destiny's Child (she almost made me cry to "Survivor"). Below are those six covers and two of Julia's original songs. Her videos have been featured on YouTube's front page and she's one of the site's most subscribed-to musicians.

The trailer is out for the movie version of Toby Young's Vanity Fair memoir, How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, apparently a longer version of the one that surfaced in December. In an item titled "Devil Graydon," Page Six claims Vanity Fair Editor Graydon Carter "comes off worse than Anna Wintour did in The Devil Wears Prada." Carter should pray for such a glamorous portrayal. Instead, with actor Jeff Bridges in his shoes at the fictional Sharps magazine, Carter comes off looking a lot more like Jeff Lebowski. Clip after the jump.

· Who can turn the world on with her adorable The Mary Tyler Moore Show set remembrances on Oprah today? Betty White, that's who! [Oprah]
· The C&Ds are flying fast and furious with these photos of Bruno ambushing fellow Austrian Gov. Schwarzenegger, but /Film seems to still have them up as of post time. [/Film]
· David Archuleta's voice coach explains for Utah's Fox news affiliate how the show's producers have systematically rigged it so that David Cook would trample the little shaved-koala's skull in the voting. Also, disconcertingly bedentured producer Nigel Lythgoe told Ryan Seacrest that the "biggest star in the world" would be performing on the finale. OMG! Jesus! We hope he takes the wheel! (Lolz.) [MyFoxUtah, mjsbigblog.com]
· Didn't spend the heat wave on a beach with Jake and Reese, but wish you had? Now you can! [celebrity-gossip.net]
· Loni Anderson married Bob Fleck, a folk singer who would never get any WKRP airplay, in Bel Air yesterday. [AP]

In a stunt reminiscent of something from Second Life, an unknown perpetrator let loose a remote-controlled flying dildo at a speech yesterday by Garry Kasparov, the famed chess champion defeated by IBM's Deep Blue who now heads up Other Russia, an opposition party that seeks to wrest power from the Kremlin government dominated by Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. As Andy Baio at Waxy points out, it's unclear if the pranksters knew about the infamous interview between Second Life baron Anshe Chung and CNET reporter Daniel Terdiman, video from which is embedded after the jump.

We rarely take a moment to thank E!'s Department of Reality-Based Famewhoring Enterprises for the excellent work they do, giving the egregiously underpublicized—everyone from the Kardashian girls to Denise Richards—a weekly hour to, well, just be. So, thanks! But with Living Lohan (why does that title remind us of a disease-awareness billboard campaign? "I've been Living Lohan for 7 years now, but Lohan isn't living me,") they've truly outdone themselves, giving Dina Lohan the vehicle we know she's wanted and deserved all along. In this preview clip, the celebrity momabler is captured in medias crisis-control, berating an online tabloid concern for publishing blurry photos of her most successful accomplishment in a compromising, probably accurate situation; watching this fierce tigress protect her largely unemployable, fur-coat-swiping cubs is truly a sight to behold.

We already showed you the remixed opening titles for Gossip Girl in the 90210 style. Here it is in styles of Smallville and Veronica Mars.

What fun would the Internet be if we let socially awkward people onto it? Here are five things that everyone does on Facebook even though they're awkward or annoying. These rules are more nuanced than "don't add me to your zombie game;" I assume we've all added those people to a special friend group labeled "MySpace orphans."

From the looks of this new teaser for CW’s upcoming Beverly Hills: 90210 remake, it looks as though any fans of the original hoping for a fresh take on their beloved West Beverly High alum will have to sheepishly return to watching classics from their prized VHS collection. Though they’ve obediently updated the infamous opening credits sequence in which each beautiful face candidly hops around a stark white set, we fear for the final result after hearing that a featured character is a “fun, energetic, not-your-typical grandma!” and that the adopted son will be black this time around. As if the cast’s promise that the reincarnation will be “a wild ride!” wasn’t enough to warn us, consider the update’s tagline: “If you wanna live in the Zip, you gotta live by the code.”

In a video testimonial posted this weekend to YouTube (do you call something that runs at 1 frame-per-second a "video," or just a really fast slide show?), American Idol contestant Danny Noriega—who before a premature ouster ushered in such hot-tranny-fierce-messisms as "TMTH: too much too handle," "ish," "mmm-hm," and, most notably, "SOME people weren't LIKIN' it," (accompanied by a whiplash-inducing neck-swivel)—revealed that he hasn't so much as received a ticket to attend any portion of this week's two-part, all-David finale.

(Also: finale y'all! Someone I did theatre with in college is on the show tonight. Go Zack!)

Is Tumblr now fertile ground for stealing ideas? Sierra Mist has a new ad—a cross promotion with The Office on NBC—showing a bunch of office workers flying toy helicopters around their workspace as Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" plays in the background. "Is your office this much fun?" the voice-over asks. The Sierra Mist spot is amazingly similar to a promo video that the young blog wizards at Tumblr released seven months ago. The same helicopters buzzing around the office; the same background music. Tumblr founder David Karp tells us he came up with the idea on a lark, to show off life in the office of the young company, and that the musical idea was "the result of being raised by a composer with an appreciation for theme music." He also tells us he wasn't contacted by Sierra Mist's ad agency before their ad went up. Scandal? We've emailed PepsiCo. for a response. It could be an uncredited rip off—or just a case of both being inspired by Apocalypse Now. Click to watch the clip above juxtaposing the two ads, and decide for yourself. [Full original Tumblr spot here. Full Sierra Mist ad here.]

Now that steampunk is dead, the media is sending people out to videotape people who like to dress old-timey and make their computers look like steam engines. For example, Jake Von Slatt here shows the Boston Phoenix his custom keyboard and RSS telegraph machine.

We don't know if Venus is in retrograde or God hates us or whatever, but we can scarcely remember a time in recent history where we've been subjected to a series of more non-stop, ear-punishing horrors than the past month. Between recent performances by Jason Castro, Teri Hatcher, and Fantasia (as accompanied by the inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the direction of the Marquis de Sade), we really didn't know how much more we could take. But those were all American Idol-advanced atrocities, which is why we thought we'd be safe with a seasoned pro like Usher on SNL. As the clip above will make quickly obvious, our assumption was dead wrong. Is this the worst performance in history? Probably not. But it's close, and contains the most hilariously spastic freestyle dance moves we've seen since Richard Simmons's Cranergy endorsement (to say nothing of more flat notes than a Post-It pad). Chris Brown: You're safe for now, Boo. [SNL]

As it's gone from early speculation to cold, hard fact, we've learned quite a bit about the new Beverly Hills: 90210 remake (though, The CW is calling it a "spin off"), simply called 90210. Shenae Grimes (Degrassi: The Next Generation), Tristan Wilds (from The Wire, depressingly), Jessica "Lucille Bluth" Walters (sigh), Lori "Aunt Becky" Loughlin, Rob Estes (Melrose Place), and Jennie Garth (from the o.g.) are all in the hip, hip cast. There will be orphans and movie stars, jocks and bloggers. And now there is a promotional cast meet-and-greet video promising that the show will be "cooler, sexier, and more provocative" than its once cool, sexy, and provocative forefather. Much like Gossip Girl or "grownup" soaps-with-mysteries like Desperate Housewives, "everyone has a secret" on this show. Ohh! What could the secrets possibly be? Is the blogger girl (ugh) secretly annoying? (I'm sure.) Does the sexy young English teacher want to bone a student? (Probably.) Is the athelete/guitar-playing wild kid secretly geigh? (God I hope so.) Watch the promo clip after the jump and let me know if you're as excited/wary/queasy about this whole project as I am.