CNN.com at approximately 10:00 p.m. last night:

CNN.com's film critic, Paul Clinton, died earlier this week in Los Angeles. He was 53 years old, and — war in Iraq or not — we find that, too, to be tragically young.

Sometimes you come home at, oh, say, around 11:15 at night. And you're not drunk, by any means, but not you're not quite sober, either. And of course you turn on your computer, because that's what you always do. And then, sometimes, in your not-quite-sober state, things on the web confuse you. For example:

• Now, Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson will take turns joining Elizabeth Vargas on World News Tonight. We really hope they can work George Stephanopoulos into that rotation, too. [NYT]
• CBS Newser John Roberts decamps for CNN. If your bosses told you they had no idea who'll be the next anchor but they're sure it won't be you, you'd leave too. [Public Eye]
• High-ranking laddie Andy Clerkson grows up and moves out. The Dennis Publishing editorial director will leave his job, summer in Montauk, have a kid, and move back to England. [WWD]
• One of the many companies that isn't buying the Observer: Reed Elsevier. [NYP (last item)]
• NYO on NYT: Ric Burns to produce docu on the Gray Lady, and war gets in the way of Jill Abramson and Maureen Dowd's planned trip to Iraq. [NYO (second and third items)]

The CNN.com homepage at 9:31 p.m. last night, in the middle of the State of the Union:

And if you put in another quarter, you can watch the rap beg to get beaten again.

OK, so we admit it: We sometimes fantasize about our beloved Anderson Cooper, the sexily sanctimonious silver fox of CNN. (Shut up. You do, too.) Recently we've found ourselves taking those fantasies in a leather-daddy direction, and, dagnabit, we realized some visual aids would come in handy. What we'd really love is, say, a video clip of A-Coop dressed in leather and brandishing a whip, perhaps lording it over a short, nebbishy man. O, Internet, can you use your magical powers to deliver this to us?

Much as the Eskimos have 472 words for snow, or something like that:

On CNN.com today:

If we may briefly steal your when-gays-meet-awards attention away from Brokeback's Oscar prospects for just a moment, we'd also like to note that GLAAD announced its 17th Annual Media Awards nominations today. We'd particularly like to direct your gaze to the "Outstanding TV Journalism — News Segment" category. For that one, the nominees are:

Sadly, on this issue of utmost national importance, CNN provides no option for, "Get your fucking dog out of the office and let me do my miserable job in peace."

And you can say you knew him when.

But that's just what they'll do, doc. One of these days those lips are gonna exhale all over you.

Oh dear. Must we watch? Even with the big bad Shat, there's only so much one can take.

Because what else could go in a "More Top News" section when we live in such a calm, peaceful, and uncontroversial world, when political leaders aren't under corruption investigations, when the president isn't spying on his citizens, when a totalitarian fundamentalist regime isn't announcing its intentional to build nukes?

Why wait till May? Or even till 10 o'clock tonight? The Coop guested for Regis on Live this morning, and an eagle-eyed viewer (watching from a market where the show comes on at 10 a.m.) sent this report:

Now we definitely know what we'll be doing on May 21. Pack your bags, folks, and book your Metro-North tickets early, because it's all aboard to New Haven that day. Word came last night that Anderson Cooper will be the Class Day speaker at dear old Yale.

Never mind the question of whether this is really the most important issue about which to be polling your readers. The real travesty is that there's no "I don't begin to give a fuck" option. Alas.

• Martha Stewart is planning a new mag, this one for "modern, multitasking" women aged 25 to 45. Most significant: In a shocking bout of narcissism-suppression, it's called "Blueprint," not "Martha Stewart Blueprint." [NYP]
• Sumner Redstone — who may or may not have been in a senile flight of nonsense when he said it — claims to dream of combining CNN and his CBS News. Just like Steve Brill suggested, oh, seven years ago. [B&C]
• Dana Stevens's take on Vargas and Woodruff: Fine, competent, but definitely not PJ. [Slate]
• Jonathan Dahl is the new editor of SmartMoney. [NYT]

We were actually going to do a live-blog of "memoirist" James Frey's appearance last night on Larry King but, if you saw the program, you understand why we couldn't bear to put forth the effort. To put it mildly, it may have been the most uncomfortable, uninformative, painfully banal hour of television to which we've ever been subjected. When he wasn't nervously sipping from his coffee mug every two seconds (surely that thing was empty after 10 minutes), Frey deftly handled hardball questions. For example: