90 degrees and above is hot

Above you see a photo taken on the small Norwegian island of of Lovund, of a dog standing on top of a group of herring. The fish were swimming too close to the surface when a cold wind swept over and froze them solid.

This pet dog from Maryland went missing in Maine during nine days and nights of insanely cold weather, and it was only rescued after it was hit by a car that nearly killed it. How's your January going?

In normal times, the arctic bird of prey known as the Snowy Owl stays up north, feasting upon the flesh of lemmings. But these are not normal times, so the owls have come south with the terrible arctic weather. "They are just absolutely everywhere and there's a lot more coming," says an expert who knows about the owls.

Above you see the low temperature forecasts across the country for Sunday night. If you live in the Midwest you might want to turn on your oven and then lay across your stove.

Unless you live in Florida, in which case you've got your own problems. The map you see above is Saturday's wind chill forecasts for the entire country via AccuWeather. Much of the Northern and Midwestern parts of the country will be experiencing temperatures that feel like they are between -20 and -40 degrees. The National Weather Service is calling the temperatures "life-threatening."

In America in 2013, a news story on a new record cold temperature in Antarctica (-135.8!) finds it necessary to include this explanation from a prominent scientist: "Just because one spot on Earth has set records for cold that has little to do with global warming because it is one spot in one place." Jesus we're dumb.

From the Rocky Mountains to the East Coast, America is struggling with ice storms and blizzards and general misery. The winter weather has been especially tough on Californians. Many of us don't own gloves, or forgot where we put them several years ago after we got home from Mammoth or Tahoe. Few of us have those scrapey things to get frost off the windshield—frost!—but I have witnessed our brave people making do with their credit cards or even the edges of their phones, which is probably not recommended by the manufacturer. But what do we know of frozen water outside? Frozen water goes in margaritas! Yet we are surviving this unusually chilly weather, together and mostly apart, like usual.

Here in Gawker Media "HQ," the temperature, in the summertime, stays at approximately 43 degrees Fahrenheit (estimated), due to the wonders of air conditioning, necessitating the wearing of winter clothes inside the office during the most sweltering season of the year. Now—in a classic example of the mainstream media turning a minor everyday nuisance into something I can write a blog post about (thank god)—the Washington Post reports that office workers in DC are also very cold in the summer, because of the air conditioning. Coincidence—or trend????

Winter always sucks. (Those of you who don't think that winter always sucks: we believe you'll still agree with the following sentence.) But this past winter has especially sucked. Let us count the ways:

A review of existing studies undertaken by the nonprofit Cochrane Collaboration seems to show that zinc, of all things, can help reduce the length of, and ward off, the common cold. And! The study comes after another Cochran Collaboration review that found that Vitamin C supplements are more or less useless when it comes to colds. So! Zinc it is. Now, because the amount of zinc taken in the studies varied, the Cochrane researchers don't have any specific dosage recommendations, so don't get too excited. And, uh, also, "some zinc formulations had side effects including nausea, bad taste and diarrhoea." Still. Zinc! Who knew? [Telegraph; image via Shutterstock]

According to the uploader of this video—which depicts, in real time, a soap bubble falling victim to the elements and freezing solid—you should be somewhere where the temperature is at least five degrees below zero. Brrr! But... science!

There's snow in 49 states right now, covering some 69.4 percent of the contiguous United States. Even Hawaii has snow , though it's on a volcano so it's sort of cheating. Can you guess which state is ruining our perfect record?

[Okay, so pictures of people swimming in ice water are getting old, but this German guy dressed as Neptune earlier today deserves a little credit. Image via Getty]

Andrew Cuomo doesn't care if you're comfortable at his events or not, okay?

Something to look forward to: some meteorologists are saying that the coming weeks could be the coldest January we've seen since 1985, with January 10-20 seeing the brunt of the freeze. New York City with highs in the teens! Great.

The Way We Live Now: together, as a nation, bracing for the bitter winter that's descended upon us. Some of us are "bracing" in our pricey Manhattan condos; others are bracing against a brick wall. But we're all bracing, united.

[Yes, people, this was Florida today. Temperatures in the 30s didn't keep this dude from surfing or posing for some South Beach snow bunnies. Image via Getty]

"Wahh, I live in a Northeastern city and am unaccustomed to weather suitable for human life. Therefore I will complain about this alleged 'heat wave' we've been having." That's what I hear all the time. Hey: it's not that hot.

If Canadians are known for one thing, it's their bacon. If they're known for two things, it's their willingness to brave unfathomable temperatures for the purposes of a viral video. This is that second thing.