The ConFonz eats more than the souls of young booth jockeys. Valleywag's conference correspondent turns his gastronomic distress into a game: Guess the conference luncheons!

It takes more than a roomful of beanbag chairs to impress the ConFonz. Valleywag's favorite conference correspondent comes away from Sun's JavaOne conference with an upset stomach, a full bladder, and a case of the shakes.

Valleywag conference correspondent ConFonz goes gonzo with a final update from E3. Among the news from the gaming mega-conference: gossips say the makers of Oddworld were fueled by Mary Jane.

ConFonz, a favorite Valleywag roving correspondent, reports again from E3 — this time, I suspect, from the hotel bar. It's okay, it was Thursday night and everyone was drunk. But just for fun, Valleywag won't proofread this edition of ConFonz.

Big brother Kotaku's got a whole team at the E3 gaming mega-fest this week, but Valleywag, like any good tech outlet, outsourced its reporting to cheaper, less hygenic laborers. Valleywag friend ConFonz turns in another stellar report, the first of his missives from this love-in of gamers, game makers, and the boring dudes in between.

ConFonz is off in his own special universe this week, a world of orgies and extreme public deviance. Before checking into rehab AND a mental clinic, he filed a report from the ongoing Ad:Tech conference that reads like the script for The Aristocrats.

ConFonz is a cynic — how else to explain his take on this weekend's Maker Faire in San Mateo? Not a mention of all the children running around, sticking their hands in rotating bicycle wheels and playing with fire. But for those who missed the Faire, chew on the Fonz's sour grapes.

The Embedded Systems Conference — "where solutions come looking for great minds." Gee, sounds fun. Valleywag correspondent ConFonz dropped by and left dazed and confused.

He liked it! ConFonz liked it! The jet-setting conference vet comes back refreshed from Software 2006. Here's his report, with some editorial ads to cut down on the defamation lawsuits.

What a week for the Valley, what a week for Valleywag! Actually, I'm just saying that. Top stories this week:

It's a twofer today — ConFonz finds the hackers at EclipseCON 2006. Here's the wrap-up, either from ConFonz or from whatever script kiddy took over his laptop.

Valleywag conference correspondent ConFonz pops in from this week's Game Developers Convention in San Jose, where the future's cloudy and the strippers are far away.

The ConFonz calls in from 2K Games and sets a few records straight — like whether the gaming gene is dominant.

ConFonz gives a break from all the SXSW news with demographic reports (old, fat) from a conference actually going on in the Valley. After reading this, though, it looks like Silicon Valley needs its beautiful SXSW-attending emigrants back from Austin. Thank God we're all flying back today.

Valleywag conference correspondent ConFonz drops an item too juicy to run with names — for now. Which Game Marketing Conference attendee isn't playing fair?

The latest ConFonz update leads right into an afterparty gossipfest. Continuing from where he left off:

Valleywag's conference-going correspondent — or ConFonz, the name he's adopted for protection and lucrative merchandising ops — sends a multi-part report from the SF-hosted Game Marketing Conference. Why does ConFonz always get pushed out by dermatologists or dowagers?