There are many things wrong with the bloated, expensive American health care system. I would like to complain about one small part of it: the prices. It's not just that the prices are high. It's that... where the hell are the prices?

Last week, P&G, the world's largest consumer goods company, announced that it will be jettisoning as many as 100 of its well-known brands of household crap. Now, the corporate equivalent of "Guessing Lindsay Lohan's Fuck List" is guessing which brands will go. Let's play!

Who's ready for Christmas???

Amazon has gone too far. Now. Now that it is apparently trying to extort ebook concessions from Hachette by delaying delivery and blocking preorders of regular Hachette books—this is it.

"Historians called what happened a 'fever,' while lawmakers debated what should be done to end the plushy pussy mayhem." It is not just disappointing, but disconcerting, to find that this story is about a toy giveaway at McDonald's.

Harry's, the Warby Parker of the shaving industry, aims to disrupt the Big Razor companies with technology, "value-oriented" prices, and style. One problem: no razor is really worth more than a buck.

Are you the type of person who buys experiences, or the type of person who buys things? You're the type of person who buys Funyuns. Yes, we know. But what you do with those Funyuns reveals whether or not you are a huge jerk.

Each year, Black Friday is plumbed for symbols of American decline and avarice. Oh, look at the riffraff with their Wal-mart pepper-sprayings and $2 waffle iron riots! But now it's Cyber Monday, which is so cool and new.

If you're looking for bad news on this Black Friday, you're probably Googling "Walmart." The massive discount retailer has been the scene of injuries, arrests, pepper-spraying and general pandemonium at locations across the country today.

What's the funniest thing about this video of people nearly rioting over a $2 waffle iron at Wal-Mart? Probably the bit where it embodies everything awesome about America, including a horrible economy, aggressive consumerism, mindless violence and a complete lack of concern for one's fellow human beings. And let's not forget internet rubbernecking and smug class hatred, sure to arrive soon in comments on all the finest sites on the web! Happy Black Friday, everyone! [@HurrAKAneCam19 via Short Form Blog]

In the excellent New York magazine 9/11 issue, Mark Lilla says, "The tragedy will be mourned, then trivialized, then commercialized, and then amnesia will set in." There are some tchotchkes that mourn, trivialize, and commercialize that tragedy all at once. Here is the tackiest 9/11 related crap we could find.

Black Friday is upon us! It's the biggest shopping day of the year, and to help you out we've put together some holiday-shopping tips and tricks to so you get the best out of your orgiastic celebration of waste:

Alex Bogusky, the Burger King-shilling adman who retired from the industry this year in a fit of conscience, has launched his new venture, to save the world. Alex Bogusky, the new Ralph Nader? Hahahahaha.

As America's Second Great Depression wears on and the Christmas season approaceth, it's time to think about present budgeting, even for the nation's top 10% of wealth. They've settled on a spending figure, and it's even lower than last year.

Dutch brain scientists have discovered that when a woman sees cute shoes affixed to Sarah Jessica Parker's feet, her medial orbitofrontal cortex goes bonkers. Why anyone would study the effect of celebrity shoes on female brains?

AT&T's pre-ordering system for the new iPhone collapsed, leading to online errors and long store waits. One glitch even exposed customers' data to strangers. The forthcoming iPhone riots will only make the incrementally improved shiny device hotter. [Gizmodo, Pic]

You thought the foreign agent that'd attempt to bring down American would be named something more discreet (or cooler) than "Mister Squiggles," didn't you? Hence, the ingenious of it all. Mister Squiggles is here, and he wants to destroy us.

I will refuse to acknowledge this season's hot trend in toys, electric Chinese hamsters, with anything but the following: 1. These forty words. 2. #WeHateYourKids. 3. Sigh. 4. #RichardGere. That is all. Are we done? We're done. Thank you. [NYT]

Do you know what a Justin Bieber is? You should: the 15 year-old star was read the riot act as 3,000 fans/parents descended on a Long Island mall, where his appearance had to be canceled. Fights! Chaos! Teenagers! RIOT!

Sometimes you just want to grab The American Consumer about the shoulders, and shake him, and yell: "Hey, stop being such a sucker!" Because...OMG a fuzzy wuzzy baby seal! I must buy so much Dawn® brand product, or he dies.