Stuck at home on a drunk-driving conviction waiting for a "private security firm" to attach a court-mandated ankle monitor? Try this foolproof trick: Don't have a leg!

Last summer, Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly came to believe that his wife was romantically involved with another man. Not just any man, but a police detective in the Long Island community they call home. So O'Reilly did what any concerned husband would do: He pulled strings to get the police department's internal affairs unit to investigate one of their own for messing with the wrong man's lady.

Michael Pena, the off duty NYPD officer charged with raping a Manhattan woman last Friday night (not to be confused with the on-duty NYPD officers charged with raping a Manhattan woman) allegedly showed a gun, pulled the woman behind an apartment building, and raped her. Police arrived and found him still in the act, drunk, with his gun and badge next to him.

Last Friday, not so great rapper The Game tweeted a phone number that his followers should call about getting a music internship. The number was the Compton Sheriff's office, which was unsurprisingly bombarded with calls. After a little more shittalking, The Game decided to apologize on CNN: "My sincerest apologies to the Sheriff's Department.... It was a joke gone wrong." He then blamed the "mishap" on a friend and the L.A. County Sheriff's Department accepted. Oh God, is it still August?

Federal agents are once again busy cleaning up the streets of Venice, California. No, they're not taking out sophisticated cocaine smuggling operations or prostitution rings. They're dismantling an underground syndicate of raw milk pushers and connoisseurs that operate under a front called Rawesome Foods.

West Reading, Pennsylvania police Sgt. Matthew Beighley has a thing for Tasers. Not long after becoming a certified Taser expert, Beighley zapped two fellow officers in March. He also Tasered his dad, and recorded it on his Blackberry. Here's how police investigators say the incident happened, from the Reading Eagle:

Given what we write about police sometimes, you might conclude that all officers ever do is beat up homeless men, drive drunk, and carelessly toss internal documents into Dumpsters. But cops do more than that, sometimes!

A 38-year-old cop in Indiana, John Newcomb, was arrested Wednesday night after he side-swiped a parked car with his truck and then plowed into a tree, apparently while he was drunk. A woman who heard the crash and saw the immediate aftermath gave some details of the scene to local news channel WAVE 3. The best part of this otherwise average drunk driving-cop story is the trailer Newcomb was pulling :

Taunting police on Facebook when they're out searching for you is, admittedly, pretty funny. But if you're going to do it, it's important that you not get caught. Otherwise you end up like recently-apprehended fugitive Victor Burgos: In jail, and looking really dumb.

Back in May, Animal New York blogger Bucky Turco found a bunch of internal NYPD documents sitting in a trash can outside a midtown precinct. And this week, Bucky Turco found a bunch of internal NYPD documents sitting in the same trash can. We detect a pattern here!

This video, shot on July 5 by a student in Fullerton, California, ostensibly features the sounds of 37-year-old Kelly Thomas crying for his father while being Tased by police officers after he supposedly resisted arrest. Thomas was also beaten so badly that he was placed on life support. He died several days later.

It's hot, huh? The whole country is burning up. Make sure you stay cool out there! Especially make sure that you don't get heatstroke, bite a zookeeper, attack a police officer, and get yourself killed by the cops.

Long gone are the days of tipping cows to wile away summer nights in rural America. Now it's all about doing stupid shit so you'll get Tasered. An Emmitsburg, Maryland man named Ronald L. Divel is facing charges of burglary and failure to obey a lawful order after he stole a man's tractor, put his juvenile accomplice in the wagon, and took off into a corn field. And, according to court documents obtained by the Frederick News Post, he resisted arrest in the cornfield because he wanted to be Tasered. Why not, right?

cops were injured by "friendly fire" while trying to apprehend a child pornography suspect while he attended a midnight screening of the most recent Harry Potter movie. There are so many inappropriate "wand" jokes to make right now.

Police in southern Sweden have a new tool for fighting sex crimes — a dog named Rapports Opus that is trained to sniff out sperm at crime scenes. According to English-language newspaper The Local, police in the town of Karlskrona have arrested a 23-year-old man and charged him with rape after Rapports Opus was brought to a park in the town where a woman was sexually assaulted:

Last November, veteran Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen was shot and killed for no apparent reason while driving her car (pictured) in Hollywood. After a couple of weeks of conspiracy theorizing, police pinned the crime on a random guy named Harold Smith, who shot himself dead as the police closed in on him. Now, police are officially closing the case. But uh... hmm.

A 17-year-old kid says he was beaten by cops in the Bronx after he walked past an officer who was scraping dog shit off his shoe and said, "It smells like doo-doo." Tyre Davis told the Daily News that he was then berated by the cops, handcuffed and later punched several times in the head. Who wouldn't laugh if they saw a cop step in dog shit?

Belated congratulations to Boynton Beach, Fla. police office David Britto, who was named "Officer of the Year" last year! It'll be nice for him to have that award on his mantelpiece to look at while he is on trial for selling meth.

If you were competing in the prestigious Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo barbecue cook-off and some other team started to annoy you, would you a. simply ignore them, b. taunt them for making "shitty bullshit food," or c. throw "some type of tear gas-like device" at them?

Police in Delaware, Ohio, were called to the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center early Saturday morning to handle a domestic violence call. What they found was Stephanie Robinette, 30, a charter-school teacher, who, while attending a wedding at the center, had "gotten drunk and struck [her husband] several times before locking herself in a car." Here is how Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III describes what happened: