This month, an oil refinery on the Delaware River sought approval from state officials and Army engineers to reinforce its facilities. Why? Because the earth is warming, storms are churning, and the sea level's already high enough to endanger the oil company's business.

In recent weeks, General Electric and Comcast have both ceased doing business with companies in the gun trade. One media outlet thinks it knows why: Unable to get gun control from Congress, the Fortune 500 firms are working with their favorite socialist president to eliminate America's free market in guns.

On the heels of ExxonMobil's really tough couple of weeks sopping up that grievous oil tar sands spill in suburban Arkansas, America's largest, most profitable corporation is now trying to stop a different leak: a novel attack-ad campaign from an environmental group.

Robinson Funeral Home, a fourth-generation business in Easley, South Carolina, has announced the impending addition of a Starbucks franchise to its existing services, which currently include a chapel and a crematory.

Twitter revealed today a makeover of the company's ubiquitous blue bird logo, which saw their mascot (formerly named Larry after the Bird) transformed from a bird that looked like how it used to look into a bird that still looks like how it used to look.

Let's not allow the pepper-spray clouds, bullet showers, and mounds of bloody Brawny towels to obscure our view of the hard-working cashiers, stockers, and other retail workers who staffed the stores and enabled Black Friday to happen. How did they fare yesterday?

At a time of high unemployment and dwindling job alternatives for millions of Americans, Walmart—America's largest private employer—is denying healthcare benefits to many of its part-time employees. It's enough to make a (socialist) person cry in their craft beer (purchased at Walmart).

Don't you sometimes wonder about all the useful information your favorite banks, bill collectors, and mortgage lenders would be sharing with you via your cell phone, whenever they felt like it, if they only could? If our representatives in Washington pass the Mobile Informational Call Act of 2011, you won't have to wonder anymore!

The Obama reelection campaign better send Mitt Romney a thank-you note today, for uttering such a clip-worthy attack ad statement — "Corporations are people too, my friend" — at the Iowa State fair today, in response to some libtard hecklers. Come on, Mittens! You, specifically, look quite bad saying such things!

Over the weekend, bankruptcy-declaring restaurant chain Marie Callender's sent some of its elite squadrons of corporado commandos to at least one of its Seattle area locations to kick out everyone inside—including longtime employees and customers who hadn't finished eating yet. Hard times demand even harder hearts!

Great news for the holiday weekend, everyone: One of the last broad federal bans on corporate political donations has been declared unconstitutional by a freedom-loving U.S. District Court judge in Virginia.

No sooner does a team of anonymous American heroes risk their lives in pursuit of a solemn oath of justice than a multinational cartoon corporation seeks to profit from it with shitty tchochkes. Two days after members of the Navy's SEAL Team 6 killed Osama bin Laden, Disney trademarked the name for use in, among other things, "Christmas tree ornaments."

The president's oil spill commission says money did not influence BP's safety decisions before the Gulf oil spill.

The tax-dodging plutocrats at Google, anticipating a change of power, donated more to Republicans than Democrats last quarter.

Have you heard of Tom Emmer, the far-right Republican candidate for governor of Minnesota? He wants to amend the state constitution to block federal laws. He's also anti-gay marriage. Oh, and he enjoys the monetary support of Target.

Beloved America-owner Goldman Sachs has "quietly revised" its stance on political activity, pledging "not to spend... on political advertising." What noble restraint, in this age of oligarchy. Or is it just that they've already bought out the store?

HBO's Horatio Alger story for FoHos living in paradise came to a close last night. How did it end? Did they make it? No. They learned that absolutely everyone—themselves included—is a criminal.

It looks as though Apple did a good job angering the New York Times with the news that Steve Jobs recently underwent a liver transplant. The paper's Tuesday edition dedicates two pieces to Apple's renowned penchant for shadiness.

Every year "brand consultancy" (the fake industry to get into, btw) Interbrand puts out a numerical ranking of the world's "best" brands. They have a long bit in the press release about their methodology, but I always assume they just count up the Google hits for "(Brand) sucks." The new list is out, and it seems to follow the "sucks" method to perfection: For the eighth year in a row Coke is the world's best brand, (drug joke). The biggest gainers this year were Google, Apple, and Amazon; the group of biggest losers included financial brands like Merrill Lynch (#1 loser with a bullet!), Morgan Stanley, and Citi. As you would expect. Also plunging into massive suckdom: Ford and The Gap. The lesson here is that in order to have a strong band, be massive yet innocuous-to-boring. I am now a brand consultant. Here's the top 20: