• Things aren't looking up for Damon Dash. He's lost a fortune recently and is buried under a mountain of debt. Now it looks like he's losing his wife, too: Rachel Roy just slapped the hip hop mogul with divorce papers. [NYDN]
• David Letterman and his longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko got married last week. [NYP, Us]
• Courtenay Semel, daughter of media mogul Terry Semel and occasional girlfriend of Casey Johnson, has checked into rehab. [P6]
• The real reason behind Jen Aniston and John Mayer's split? Jen was supposedly sick of his "obsession" with Twitter. Naturally. [Sun, Telegraph]

Courtenay Semel is ready to stop lighting her girlfriends' hair on fire, or at least regain access to the trust fund her father, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, locked her out of.

• Lindsay Lohan says she wants to convert to Judaism so she can "prove her commitment" to girlfriend Sam Ronson. She even went to the great trouble of updating her Facebook status to "I'm converting." [Daily Mail, P6]
• Katie Holmes looked "gaunt and tired" at an LA restaurant over the weekend. It could just be the elaborate security precautions wearing her down: Tom's security detail insisted on "sweeping" the eatery before anyone sat down to eat. [NYDN, MSNBC]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna have left Miami for LA and are now staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The public outrage over the reconciliation continues, though. [E!, LAT, OK!, People]
• Jimmy Fallon looked a bit "awkward" and "stiff" when his talk show made its debut last night with guests Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake. [Us]

Much like the Amish and freaky polygamist cults living in the Nevada desert, members of America's wealthiest—and Waspiest—households don't pay any attention to the annual glitz-fest on Oscar night. At least that's what band-aid heir Jamie Johnson says in his latest column on "the secret lives of the super-rich" for VF.com:

• There was no shortage of drama at the Grammys last night. Chris Brown and Rihanna were both no-shows after Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting the R&B singer. Usher failed to appear, too, flying down to Brazil to be with his wife, who suffered complications from a plastic surgery operation. One person who did make it to the show was M.I.A., who performed on stage with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, T.I., and Kanye West despite being nine months pregnant. [NYP, People, EW]
• Courtenay Semel says she's been cut off by her dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, and is now trying to land a reality show to pay the bills. [NYP]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is Pia Glenn, who's 29 years his junior. [R&M]
• Peaches Geldof and rocker Max Drummey are said to be divorcing after just six months of marriage. [The Sun]

What took him so long? Terry Semel, the Hollywood boss who abruptly quit his job as Yahoo's CEO in 2007, has frozen his daughter Courtenay's trust fund.

• There were bound to be a few dramatic moments at the inaugural parties last night: Sheryl Crow had an awkward run in with her ex, Kid Rock, in the lobby of Donovan House. John Legend was forced to make a last-minute stop at Bloomingdale's because his girlfriend didn't have a gown. Susan Sarandon got a reporter kicked out an event for daring to ask a question. And Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony showed up so late to the Neighborhood Ball, they almost didn't get in. [P6, WP, Politico]
• One possible explanation for Lopez's late arrival: She was spotted at the Scientology Center in LA yesterday morning, trying to sneak out of the building without being noticed. [NYDN]
• Another headache for John Travolta and Kelly Preston: A politician in the Bahamas may have been part of a plot to extort money from the couple following the death of Jett Travolta. [OK!]

We had heard that Defamer legend Courtenay Semel and Casey Johnson might retreat to Sundance for some make-up time after Semel mistook her on-again, off-again girlfriend for kindling a couple weeks back.

Everyone is trying calm down before the weekend. Courtenay Semel totally made up for setting Casey Johnson's head on fire. Madonna tried to not be a demanding, terrible ball-buster constantly.

• Naomi Campbell has settled a lawsuit by a former maid who alleged the world's most temperamental supermodel threw her phone at her head after she failed to find a pair of misplaced jeans back in 2006. [NYDN]
• Casey Johnson and Courtenay Semel appear to have made up following their violent brawl. They're heading to Sundance together. [P6]
• Guy Ritchie spent time at Madonna's apartment on Tuesday. Not because they're reconciling, but because Madonna's daughter Lourdes insisted on it. [NYDN]
• George Soros has a new "friend," a model 50 years his junior named Kate Gibbs. This is what she looks like, just in case you're curious. [P6]
• Book agent and man-about-town Luke Janklow and his wife, Sweetiepie owner Julie Janklow, appear to be headed for divorce. [P6]

Celebrity lesbian nexus Courtenay Semel has escalated her scorched-earth game to a stunning, literal new level, reportedly ending a fight with an ex by torching the woman's hair.

Patrick Swayze is battling a reportedly rapidly-advancing disease beyond his control while young heiresses Courtenay Semel is viciously fighting with her heiress ex for no real reason whatsoever.

• It's getting ugly between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Star reports that the couple have gotten "physical" and there's been lots of "pushing and shoving," and Lopez has even gone running back to Diddy for help. [Star]
• Heiress Casey Johnson's new short hairdo? It's because she got into a vicious brawl with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, who set Casey's hair on fire and beat her up so badly that she had to be hospitalized. [P6]
• Better not ask Beyonce to dog sit. Staffers at her label, Columbia Records, say she dropped off her shih tzu six months ago but has yet to come pick little Munchie up. [The Sun]

What is it, precisely, that is so annoying about the on-off romance between MySpace-MTV fameball Tila Tequila and Courtenay Semel, the daughter of former Yahoo and Warner Bros. bossman Terry Semel?

My Dad Cut Me Off, You Dumb Fuck: Courtenay Semel's turbulent path from press line to welfare line picked up speed this week when her father, former Warner Bros. and Yahoo! boss Terry Semel, reportedly yanked the cash underwriting her lavish, bisexual, epithet-spewing, security guard-thwacking lifestyle. Courtenay is now said to be "freaking out" and looking into reality-show alternatives. We think we have just the series for her, if she doesn't mind getting roughed up a bit. [NYP, photo via TMZ]

Promiscuous MySpace friender Tila Tequila recently denied reports that her relationship with Courtenay Semel, the publicly drunken daughter of former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, was on the rocks. But The Superficial says the Hollywood Z-lister's shot at girl-on-girl love has ended. Why does she no longer Yahoo?Gossip column Page Six spotted Tequila "hooking up" with Justin Long, best known for his role as a Mac in Apple commercials, at a Vegas nightclub on Halloween. Will the Mac preference stick? Who knows, but according the a New York Post spy, Long reportedly "asked her [Tequila] to straddle him while making out." What would John Hodgman have to say about this? (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Cirque du Soleil)

• While you were merely voting and watching television or whatever, Kirsten Dunst was personally investigating the voting process, in North Dakota. She was asking America why it's terrible at voting, and hoping the answer has nothing to do with movies. [Daily Star]

Terry Semel, the former Warner Bros. chief who used to run Yahoo, can't catch a break from wild-child daughter Courtenay, who continues to embarrass him. The latest, via celebrity blog TMZ: Testimony from a court case about an incident last August where Courtenay — who's now dating MySpace hottie Tila Tequila — got handcuffed after swearing at Jaroslaw Jarczok, a security guard at Pure, a Las Vegas nightclub. The line that did her in: "Do you even know who I am, f**king idiot?...Google me, you dumb f**k." You would think, if she had any respect for Daddy whatsoever, she'd have told Jarczok to search for her name on Yahoo.

Today brings an addendum to our one-stop guide to comprehending Courtenay Semel, the celebrity lesbian nexus who was last seen having her claws removed from a Vegas security guard: Her alleged victim, Jaroslaw Jarczok, filed suit yesterday in Los Angeles Superior Court, claiming that the volatile Yahoo! scion attacked him in a drunken rage last August at Caesar's Palace. Worse yet, he alleges that Semel humiliated him with one of the most emasculating things a Z-list reality alumna can bellow at a man.Just when Jarczok had finally gotten used to those "Jar Jar" taunts from wasted junior executives shuffling back to their suites upstairs, the Lohan ex and current Tila Tequila flame Semel is said to have uncorked the searing rejoinder, "Do you even know who I am, fucking idiot? ... Google me, you dumb fuck." Of course, he probably did just that, uncovering the definitive Semel cheat-sheet to which his name will now be linked forevermore — and which also stated that Semel's net worth is not nearly what her father Terry's wealth might imply. In any case, the elder Semel won't be coming to his daughter's rescue as the guard seeks unspecified damages; her little Google stunt sent his Yahoo! shares plunging 12% in early trading. This one's coming right out of her inheritance.

Former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel's daughter Courtenay told what reports call a "friend" that she and actress Lindsay Lohan met a party in the summer of 2006 and attending parties together "where they kissed and touched each other in the corner and did lines of cocaine in the toilet." Lohan denies the account: "No, that's not true." The friend says Courtenay thinks the drugs were Lohan's way of coping with a lesbian desires that she feared would ruin her career."At the time she was terrified her career would be over if she revealed her sexual tendencies," Courtenay told this "friend," who also says that "Courtenay still can't understand how Lindsay is now so open with [her current live-in girlfriend] Samantha [Ronson]," says the pal. "Every time she sees a picture of them together it kills her." Take heart, Courtenay. Daddy feels the same way about MySpace cuddling up with News Corp. At least you've got Tila Tequila. (Photos by AP and Getty)