• Lindsay Lohan's mom Dina faces "immediate arrest and imprisonment" if she doesn't show up in court this morning on charges she gets drunk in front of her kids, 11 and 14, and the she missed 15 of 29 court-ordered visitations, and showed up to one inebriated. Ex-husband Michael Lohan also threw in to the court filing that Dina is sometimes mean to her puppy — putting it in a kennel instead of letting Michael watch it — because he knows that will piss people off more than the child abuse or whatever. [R&M]

With every passing week, the developing relationship between John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston begins to feel like one of those soap operas we used to watch before vowing never to watch another soap opera again. In the pilot, we viewers were hooked and enticed by Aniston’s fembot nipples and Mayer’s tattooed tricep, the beachside love affair reeling us in just like the first episode of Paradise Island. The sophomore effort’s plot involved the first climactic turn of events: John was “bored”! Jen was “clingy!” In this week’s episode, the relationship has reached that rosy point in which the new-ish couple begins introducing each other to their Friends. Literally. As the Daily Mail reports, Mayer has become part of that fun little sixsome we’ve loved, hated and grown indifferent towards, inducted by Aniston into bosom buddy Courteney Cox’s strict evaluation system. See how John’s infamous O-face fared with Cox after the jump.

After hearing that Billion Dollar Girl Miley Cyrus has added yet another name to her list of identities, we had to wonder how all this name-changing business is supposed to help an already-famous star's career. Cyrus, who was given the flashy title Destiny Hope Cyrus at birth, was nicknamed Smiley Miley as a kid by her achy breaky dad Billy and, guess what, it stuck. Now, AOL is reporting that Cyrus has officially changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus, just like dad Billy Ray. But how have the most memorable mid-career name games fared when it comes to a celebrity's career? We took a look at a few of the most famous quick switches, and discovered it takes more than a flashy press announcement (and even a flashy new symbol) to inject a falling star with newfound fame...

The B-Side blog has uncovered something of note in NBC's short-lived, 1985 series Misfits of Science (starring a young Courteney Cox): The show is about "a group of young, attractive people with supernatural powers," and features the mantra, "Save Adele, save the world." Adding to the intrigue: Heroes creator Tim Kring was a writer on Misfits! This would have been highly scandalous in Season One, when that catchphrase was a little more timely. Now it's just interesting background trivia for hardcore indestructable-cheerleader fetishists, who'll all but certainly hop onto the internet to see if this Adele person looks as inviting in a pair of heavy-duty spanky pants. [B-Side Blog]

There's no two ways about it, Americans love obsessing over celebrity nip slips, vadge flashes and sex tapes (even if it is Gene Simmons...shudder). But the British tabs, being as posh as they are, have taken a more conservative approach to body part fascination: knees. While photos of the bony joints attached to Kate Moss, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez and Courteney Cox may not tighten your trousers, the names they've come up with for each gal's wheely kneelies give the NY Post a run for its money in the hed-writing department. Photos of The Sun's picks for Worst Knees, along with their snappy yet barely decipherable titles ("Eva Longoria's Tunnock's Teacakes Kneecaps"!), after the jump.

Once again proving that she has absolutely no flair for the kind of sensationalist buzz-building that might generate some interest in her returning FX series Dirt, Courteney Cox Arquette misses a great opportunity to hint—however untruthfully—that Jennifer Aniston will return in the show's second season to alleviate the viewer blueballs induced by the disappointing kiss the two former Friends shared, finally consummating the hot, Monica-on-Rachel action we still so desperately crave. (But Tom Arnold will be making an appearance. Get excited!) On the other hand, she still won't close the door on a possible Friends reunion, so maybe that inevitable project (hey, Matt LeBlanc's gotta eat) will eventually provide a better opportunity for the fulfillment of this lingering fantasy. [Us]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Mike Tyson requesting earlobe-consistency mochi topping on his Pinkberry frozen dessert.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time Maya Rudolph's yakking ruined an outdoor screening of her boyfriend's porn-industry masterpiece.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the night Mr. Belding tore up "Don't Stop Believin'" in front of a packed Metal Skool crowd.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted former Seinfeld star and noted stand-up nose-diver Michael Richards on a Third Street Promenade shopping spree:

The theatrical release of David Arquette's The Tripper is soon upon us, the first horror movie to our knowledge to feature a Ronald Reagan-impersonating ax murderer (not counting 1953's criminally overlooked Bloodbath For Bonzo). As a low-budget horror producer without joint access to his far more successful wife's bank account, Arquette is always on the lookout for creative viral marketing ploys that cost no more than the price of four quickly pounded Cape Cods: Behold, then, this remarkable feat of bladder-relieving chirography made available on the movie's MySpace page, in which Arquette scrawls the title upon a New Orleans sidewalk in one fell piss. It's an admirable example of out-of-the-pants promotional thinking, made all the more impressive by the knowledge that Arquette is simultaneously contributing his small part to the re-beautification of areas hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina.

After weathering a flatly written exchange in which Aniston's lesbian character tells Cox, "This is no way to live! You don't deserve to be alone," (oh, the bitter irony), then some innuendo about past dalliances between the characters (four implied times!), and one brushed off ass-grab (easy there, lesbian tiger), we finally get the kiss: A closed mouth cutaway unlikely to moisten the panties of even the show's most incontinent viewers. Have a look, trying not to sigh too loudly over this squandered opportunity to exploit ten seasons' worth of crackling, Sapphic sexual tension.

While Courteney Cox has previously warned hot-lesbian-action-obsessed gawkers (does the L Word not satisfy all their masturbation needs?) with no genuine interest in her series that her much-anticipated kiss with longtime Friend Jennifer Aniston will not be particularly hot, lesbian, or action-packed, we nonetheless have clung to the irrational hope that the prudish Cox was intentionally misrepresenting the moment, and that a dedicated Aniston managed to power a tongue through her co-star's tight-lipped defenses in the name of artistic truth. After today's NY Times review of the Dirt season finale, we think we're finally able to let this one go:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about Gwyneth Paltrow's passive aggressive way of saying that you and your kid are taking too much time at the candy counter.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in as quickly as your little fingers can type them. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Eric Clapton folding his underwear in public.

Demonstrating that she fundamentally misunderstands the entire purpose of stunt-casting her former Friends castmate in a role that requires some light lesbianism, Courteney Cox did her best to desensationalize the kiss she and Jennifer Aniston share on the season finale of Dirt, dumping a bucket of ice water into the laps of millions of tumescent potential viewers hoping to finally see their cherished fantasies of a little Monica-on-Rachel action realized on TV:

A couple of weeks ago at the TCA cable press tour, FX president John Landegraf played it a little coy when he hinted that things on new offering Dirt would get better about five episodes into the season, but didn't indicate exactly what form the coming improvement would take. According to TV Guide.com, viewers who stick with the show a little longer will be treated to the kind of stunt-lesbianism usually reserved for more established series in need of a ratings boost:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you became spontaneously aroused at the sight of Hilary Swank in head-to-toe Lycra.

THR's Ray Richmond reports that the website of TV writer/producer Matthew Carnahan was hijacked by hapless "Middle Eastern extremists," who replaced Carnahan's homepage (still down the last time we checked in) with these rather unpleasant images of death and strife from the region and the message, "If You Stop War We Will Be(sic) Stop Hacking." But while the man who will soon broker on-set peace between real-life couple David Arquette and Courteney Cox-Arquette on FX's upcoming Dirt undoubtedly has valuable insights into the crisis in the Middle East, Richmond points out that the hackers probably meant to target Matthew Michael Carnahan, the next entry down on the IMDb search page, the writer of terrorism drama The Kingdom. Then again, this could all just be a ploy by edgy publicists at FX to stir up some viral buzz for their series, "The outrageous celebrity tabloid workplace comedy the terrorists don't want you to see."

Courteney Cox Arquette opened up to Marie Claire magazine recently, candidly sharing what life is like for an aging actress in Hollywood. Apparently, it's a living nightmare, as you come to realize your once-radiant good looks are being ravaged by time, pulling you kicking and screaming into middle age and beyond: