If you expect the results of that headline to be anything but spectacular, stop reading, click past the jump now. Anna Paquin's doggy ring, Khloe Kardashian, Neve Campbell, Snoop Dogg, BBC sitcoms. Presenting your ridiculous Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jude Law waiting outside a movie theater ... Naomi Watts in Nolita pushing sons Sacha and Sammy in a stroller ... Yoko Ono having lunch at Da Silvano ... Clive Owen walking by himself ... Peter Dinklage walking his dog with a friend in the West Village ... Chace Crawford on the set of Gossip Girl near Battery Park ... Mary-Kate Olsen leaving a hotel ... Courtney Love walking downtown ... Dave Chappelle sitting on a ledge ... Shia LaBeouf taking off his tie on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Hugh Jackman walking in the West Village with his wife and daughter ... and Lady Gaga strolling around SoHo.

Courtney Love has subjected fellow singer Ryan Adams to a series of online rants for more than a year now, and now Adams is pushing back. He says he never borrowed any money from Love, nor did he date her.

• 30 Rock and Mad Men took home Emmys last night for outstanding comedy series and outstanding drama series, respectively. (Surprise, surprise.) Alec Baldwin won for outstanding actor in a comedy series; Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston won for outstanding actor in a drama series; Glenn Close won for best actress in a drama series for Damages; and The United States of Tara's Toni Collette took home the award for best actress in a comedy series. Other winners included Lost's Michael Emerson, 24's Cherry Jones, Grey Gardens' Jessica Lange, Pushing Daisies' Kristin Chenoweth, and Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. The catchphrase of the night was "pulling a Kanye," naturally. [People, Us]
• Mischa Barton just isn't a morning person... or perhaps she's having dental issues again. A source from her CW show, The Beautiful Life, says she's often so out of it in the mornings that she holds up filming, and she'll stare into her coffee for minutes on end, mumbling, "Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee." [P6]
• Courtney Love lost it when a bathroom intruder caught her with her pants down at the T magazine party at the Standard the other night. Love supposedly screamed that the man had attacked her and tried to have him ejected. "I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet," says the unlucky guy. "It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there." [P6]

Courtney Love may or may not have been spotted peeing. Mischa Barton may or may not live in reality. And David Hasselhoff definitely got drunk. Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup!

Nicky Hilton talking on her cell in Midtown ... Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen watching the US Open ... Matthew Broderick walking on East 61st Street ... Taylor Swift posing for photographers outside her hotel ... Mickey Rourke walking his dog in SoHo ... Keri Russell going to Starbucks with a friend ... Ne-Yo walking outside his hotel ... Kate Gosselin getting out of a limo ... Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale watching the US Open ... Bar Refaeli walking in the meatpacking district ... Mary-Kate Olsen leaving her townhouse with a friend ... Blake Lively walking in Midtown ... Cynthia Nixon walking on the Sex and the City set ... LaToya Jackson arriving at the Trump International Hotel ... Ed Westwick leaving his trailer on the Gossip Girl set, and going to dinner at Avenue with Jessica Szohr ... Courtney Love leaving the Mercer Hotel ... Oliver Stone standing on the set of Wall Street 2 on Park Avenue ... and Amber Rose shopping at Barneys on Madison Avenue.

Paul Carr heckled his own conference; Courtney Love taunted the universe and Kanye West taunted one tweeter's fantasyland. The Twitterati were beyond punchy.

[A man braces himself for the inevitable fireball when Courtney Love lights up while performing on stage at the after party for Alexander Wang's fashion show, which was held at a Mobil station in Manhattan. Image via Getty]

Twitter's only recently become an international sensation, but, unlike some of its more slow-and-steady contemporaries, it's already looking to make a buck and this week hinted again at letting the ad revenue stream in. This may not end well.

Courtney Love did not authorize that Hellish Guitar Hero version of her dead husband that she authorized, for money—it's all Dave Grohl's fault and she's going to sue and she wants a British journalist to rape him.

Courtney Love and Dave Grohl love money more than their dead husband and bandmate, so Love let Activision include his image and Grohl let them use his music in Guitar Hero, where people make him sing Bon Jovi songs.

Courtney Love eating and walking ... Sarah Jessica Parker dressed up in '80s clothing and Chris Noth standing around on the set of Sex and the City ... Jon Gosselin leaving JFK with his mom ... Irv Gotti and Adrienne Bailon going to lunch at Da Silvano ... Christie Brinkley posing for pictures at the US Open in Queens ... Kelly Rutherford carrying her daughter Helena ... Aubrey O'Day arriving at the studios of WPIX with an iced coffee ... Taylor Momsen walking downtown ... and Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick shooting scenes on the set of Gossip Girl.

[Courtney Love takes a little nibble while walking down the sidewalk in Manhattan yesterday. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Steven Spielberg walking in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her West Village townhouse ... Alec Baldwin filming scenes for 30 Rock at Tao ... Michael Kors walking near Bryant Park ... Hugh Grant having dinner last night at the Standard Grill ... Rihanna eating lunch at Da Silvano with her assistant ... Taylor Momsen hailing a cab with her mom in the West Village ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford filming scenes for Gossip Girl in the meatpacking district and Hilary Duff exiting her trailer nearby ... Kevin Federline leaving lunch at Cafe Metro with girlfriend Victoria Prince ... Jamie Spears walking in Midtown ... Nia Long talking on her phone outside her hotel ... America Ferrera shooting scenes for Ugly Betty in Times Square ... and Courtney Love shopping with a friend in SoHo.

The grunge princess has long terrorized the world and the English language with her ramblings on MySpace and Twitter. She's the first celeb sued saying something on Twitter, but now the fight is getting personal—and ugly!

Adrian Grenier walking in the West Village, laptop amnd coffee in hand ... Courtney Love getting out of a car in SoHo ... Diddy walking down Broadway ... Geraldo Rivera carrying his dry cleaning across the street ... Sienna Miller walking in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... Kanye West walking with Amber Rose in SoHo ... Jodie Foster hailing a cab ... Renee Zellweger leaving ABC studios in Midtown ... Agyness Deyn walking in SoHo ... Jessica Biel getting in an SUV ... Julia Roberts walking downtown ... Melanie Brown and husband Stephen Belafonte shopping in SoHo ... America Ferrera filming scenes for Ugly Betty ... and Lindsay Lohan standing outside the Waverly Inn with sister Ali and a friend.

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

Meg Ryan hailing a cab on Houston Street ... Joan Rivers leaving lunch at Michael's with her new boyfriend, Perfect 10 magazine founder Norm Zada ... Whitney Port walking in the West Village ... Agyness Deyn leaving Souen on Sixth Avenue after having lunch with friends ... Taylor Momsen waving to fans on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Courtney Love walking in SoHo ... Sophia Bush and boyfriend Austin Nichols at LaGuardia ... Elle Macpherson leaning on a police car on the set of The Beautiful Life ... Hugh Grant leaving a photo shoot ... Diane Kruger getting out of a limo in Midtown, and later arriving at MTV in Times Square ... Tyra Banks talking on her phone during a break from taping her show in Union Square ... and Mischa Barton taking her dog for a walk .

Courtney Love shopping downtown ... Mischa Barton talking on her phone while eating lunch outside with a friend ... Paul McCartney waving to photographers in East Hampton ... Dave Zinczenko, Dan Abrams, and Julia Allison having dinner at Copa in Bridgehampton ... Julia Roberts leaving her trailer on the set of Eat, Pray, Love ... Sophia Bush going inside Pop Yogurt on West Broadway and Spring Street ... Drew Barrymore shooting scenes for Going the Distance ... Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian leaving the Howard Stern Show in Midtown ... and Beyoncé and Jay-Z having an early dinner at Bar Pitti on Saturday.

Mischa Barton walking her dogs, Charlie and Ziggy, after getting a cut at Sally Hershberger's salon on Friday afternoon ... Kate Hudson looking at puppies with son Ryder at a pet shop in the West Village ... Courtney Love walking in SoHo ... Drew Barrymore and Justin Long hiding under an umbrella on the set of Going the Distance ... Channing Tatum leaving the Waldorf Astoria ... Taylor Momsen walking through the rain to attend the opening of the Sephora in Times Square ... Selena Gomez listening to her iPod outside ... Russell Brand and Jonah Hill shooting scenes for Get Him To The Greek in Central Park ... and Mischa Barton leaving a party at the Cooper Square Hotel last night.