Allison Samuels is a senior writer at Newsweek. Shaquille O'Neal is a very large former basketball player. Together, they are: super friends!

In case you weren't sure, old guys proudly purchasing young girlfriends for many thousands of dollars with the help of the internet is a totally mainstream phenomenon, now. A Manhattan "mixer" for SeekingArrangement.com (ticket price: $80 for daddies, $40 for babies) drew 400 people on Monday night, the New York Post reports:

Sure, you've heard of Facebook billionaires Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker. But how about multimillionaire Ezra Callahan? Or half billionaires Matt Cohler, Adam D'Angelo and Chris Hughes? WhoOwnsFacebook.com is ready to introduce you, and your libido, to the Facebook B-list.

No matter what site you use, online dating can be absolutely horrible. Sure, some people find their match on Match.com but more often than not, the people you meet are crazy, critical jerks who have you running for the door within minutes. Let's look at one horrible email from an online relationship gone sour.

That cute one you've had your eye on in the subway? She/he totally might have chatted you up, if you'd been reading a real book instead of a goddamned Kindle.

It turns out there's a reason your iPhone has been stalking you: It might use your private data to hook you up with nearby iPhone owners. And you thought your mom was an awkward matchmaker.

Kirsten Powers, a Fox News correspondent who is also a Democrat (see update), thinks wang-flashing Rep. Anthony Weiner should resign. Why should we listen to her? Because she used to date him, she explains in a column entitled "Anthony Weiner's Ex: He Lied to Me."

Daily Beast contributing piece-fluffer Meghan McCain was grilled by the NYT Magazine on everything from body image ("I wake up every morning with large breasts...") to recurring dreams ("a giant squid... he scares me.").

If we have learned anything about you, the Gawker Readers, it is that most of you are constantly finding yourselves in romantic situations that you consider "creepy." Thank god we came along as an outlet for your not-so-sexxxy stories.

Love! It is not for the faint of heart. What is it about l'amour that drives the "males" among us to hand out eerily-worded business cards to strange women on the street—to revel in our passive-aggression, trying to simultaneously embrace and flee from love's awkward embrace, by passing some kind of love note thing, which never works? It is a mystery. All we know, ladies, is this: more of your very own, very true, bad love connection stories are below. To Cupid's Garden!

Yesterday we published the story of a woman in Midtown who received a "sicere solicitation" of love—via business card—provided that she was "Not Compromised." Many readers hastened to send in their own tales of business card-based solicitations!

Yesterday afternoon, a reader sent us an alarming tale of the perils of love in the big city.

The statistical wizards at OKCupid have once again analyzed the sexual mores of their users, and reached two vital conclusions: Twitter users masturbate more, and vegetarians are more likely to enjoy giving head.

Internet daters rejoice! Match.com will now be screening its customers against a national sex offenders database. The decision comes after a Los Angeles woman sued Match.com after being raped by a guy she met on the dating site. However, Match.com's president said that the "decision to use the registry was not in direct response to the lawsuit," according to the Daily News.

The kindest thing you could say about the new dating site Whatsyourprice.com is that it is the perfect place for the world's laziest dudes and most cynical women to hook up. The least kind thing you could say is that it is mass-scale prostitution. Are you ready to buy and sell "first dates?"

That was fast: Six months after he started seeing Alexandra Lenas, Sean Parker is engaged to the singer/songwriter. Parker has made a number of sudden life changes since Justin Timberlake played him in The Social Network, actually.

Cleaner Sarah Kemp and builder George Bentley met over the internet and began a months-long email relationship before agreeing to meet up in person in London. Whereupon the couple discovered that they were long-lost siblings.

If you want to online date but are concerned about unusual likes and/or sexual habits, Microsoft has patented a service for you! The service helps people with "fringe interests and eccentricities" find mates without having to explain everything to the squares.

Facebook has disabled Breakup Notifier, the controversial app that automatically informed you when a girl or guy you fancied changed their relationship status to single. Into the void steps WaitingRoom, which represents a massive leap in Facebook-stalking technology.

Encouraging news from the trend-heavy New York City dating world: single ladies have money now! Seventeen percent more money than their twentysomething male counterparts, according to a study that was immediately seized upon and churned into a New York Post trend story. You know what that means, fellas? Now it's time for you to have a "sugar mama!" Here's the scoop from one wealthy lady who gives her age as "29:"