Today, courtesy of America's Great Crusader For Truth and Plugging Burberry Oprah Winfrey we finally get the definitive "so what the f- happened?" Dave Chappelle interview. (And yes, Chappelle did sit down with Inside the Actors Studio, but, c'mon, James Lipton is no Oprah, even if he did have access to her fabulous hair and wardrobe people.) You may recall, the comedian dropped off the side of the Earth at the start of the much-anticipated third season of Chappelle's Show, only to turn up wandering mysteriously around Africa, in a sort of blacker, funnier version of Rachel Weisz's turn in The Constant Gardener. Chappelle tells Winfrey he didn't crack up; he was just feeling the understandable strains of having to justify a $50 million paycheck:

The Dead Frog blog tipped us off that the minds behind The Chappelle Theory site, which alleged that Oprah Winfrey (among others) was behind a plot to drive Dave Chappelle crazy and get his show off the air, have revealed themselves. As it turns out, the site was a viral marketing ploy for The Chappelle Theory Exposed, a short film by Chappelle's Show star Charlie Murphy and Neal Brennan, Chappelle's writing partner. We can't help feeling disappointed that the Theory wasn't first scrawled on a wall in crayon by a schizophrenic fan and then carefully transcribed onto a very nicely designed web page, but we can't say we're surprised. If nothing else, this little exercise in sneaky marketing gave us The Cosby Theory, which made all our dashed hopes for a genuine bit of crazy worth it.

Blogger Jezzka's Little Rants was one of the lucky few to attend a recent taping of that celebrated bacchanalia of butt-kissing, Inside the Actors Studio, when the guest of honor was none other than noted conspiracy theory topic, Dave Chappelle. After a three-hour delay with nothing to do but watch old episodes of The Chappelle Show and listen to Lipton's increasingly desperate improvised stalling tactics ("I know, everyone! How about a huge round of Bernard Pivot questionnaire as featured on Bouillon de culture!"), Chappelle finally shows up, and surprise! He's a mensch albeit a trembling, chain-smoking one:

· More heads in Santa hats are rolling just in time for the holidays, as Paramount Classics gets ready to turn on the high-pressure hoses and wash away the bloody remains of the old regime. The good news, of course, is that new PC head John Lesher will soften the beheadings with a sincere hug. [THR]
· Babyfaced Fox Searchlight head Peter Rice (we're going from his headshot, we wouldn't recognize him if he crashed into us making an unprotected left) will head up a new, teen-focused division at Fox, and gets right into the role by talking the kids' language: "The way they are consuming movies is changing and we need to make incredibly cool things for them." Rad! First project in development: MySpace Presents Rainbow Party: The Movie. [Variety]
· Not even Oprah and Farrakhan can keep Dave Chappelle down, as Chappelle's Show: Season 2 Uncensored is the highest selling TV DVD title of the year. [THR]
· Var asks: "Is 'King Kong' a disappointment or a slow-building smash?" The shocking answer: We don't know yet. Thanks for clearing that up! If we demand one thing from our trade publications, it's a snap judgment based on incomplete data, and we're denied even that. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Not To Be Confused with Are We There Yet? 2 Edition: Fox plans Johnson Family Vacation 2. [THR]

A little while ago, an e-mail with a link to a website called The Chappelle Theory arrived in our inbox. We spent the next 45 minutes devouring the whole thing, and it's either the single most paranoid screed or the best straight-faced satire we've ever read. Here's how it begins:

There has been much speculation on Dave Chappelle's "$50 million" Comedy Central deal, a sum many assumed he kissed bye-bye after ditching the third season of Chappelle's Show for a little sojourn up the side of Mount Bonkers. The guessing is over. Now that The Smoking Gun has posted a breach of contract complaint brought against the comedian by an ex-personal manager, Chappelle's "former jack-of-all-trades" Mustafa Abuelhija, many of the deal's finer points have been revealed:

· Comedy Central's put the trailer from the truncated third season of Chappelle's Show online. What you'll find: A disembodied, bald head advising Dave, more Lil John, Dave and Alf, and the pangs of loss from not getting a full season to say goodbye.
· Yahoo has the MI:III (that's Mission: Impossible 3 for those who can't decode the cute, marketing-devised shorthand) trailer online. What you'll find: Philip Seymour Hoffman playing the bad guy, Tom Cruise unconvincingly aggressively kissing Michelle Monahan, shit blowing up and throwing Cruise into a parked car.
· LAT awards season shocker! Studios sometimes buy For Your Consideration ads for unworthy projects and performances, just to massage fragile star egos!
· If you're looking for the lighthearted, bubblegum lipsync pop of Lindsay Lohan's first CD, keep on walkin', dude. On her second disc, Lohan goes all dark and shit. Still lipsyncs, though, so she's got that going for her.

· Someone at Comedy Central finally asks, "Hey, what happened to the stuff we paid for before Dave Chappelle ran out on us?" and now plans to air the bits and pieces of Chappelle's Show's aborted third season sometime in 2006, both online and on TV. Among the highlights is the eerily prescient sketch, "Dave Takes Comedy Central's Money and Flees For Some Chill-Out Time in South Africa," starring, of course, the ghost of Rick James. [Variety]
· Fox confirms that a Fantastic Four sequel is a go. They boldly plan a July 4, 2007 release—at least until another studio comes along and stakes out the holiday weekend for its bigger, better blockbuster, at which time FF 2 will be rescheduled for February of 2008. [THR]
· Mel Gibson's newly established Con Artists Productions sets up four TV projects, three of which are legal dramas—one invoking LA Law, one recalling Moonlighting, and one also incorporating medical drama, which we will refer to as an Night Court/St. Elsewhere hybrid, just to cover all the 80s television bases. [Variety]
· ABC greenlights a comedy pilot from Ed producers Rob Burnett and Jon Beckerman. which replaces lovable, do-gooding schlump Tom Cavanaugh with lovable, wants-to-rob-a-celebrity schlump Donal Logue. [THR]
· Bravo broadens its horizons to include programs that people actually might want to watch. [Variety]

Turns out one of yesterday's To Do listings, an evening at the Improv touting a very special guest "who was on an amazing Comedy Central show that ended way before its time bitch, led some of you to believe Dave Chappelle (who was doing a show at the Comedy Store later that night) would be showing up for a set. HAHAHA! Suckers! (All right, fine, we bought it too.)

Like a wild-haired John the Baptist strolling in from the desert*, but to announce that He ain't never coming, so quit asking, comedian Charlie Murphy says that Chappelle's Show is no more:

In our continuing effort to keep you updated on all incremental, essentially meaningless updates in the ongoing saga of Dave Chappelle and his eponymous, indefinitely-delayed show, we note that the AP reports that Comedy Central's prodigal, $50 million son finally met with president Doug Herzog on Friday. Unsurprisingly, a spokesman for the network refused to disclose what was discussed at the "I'm Not Crazy And Would Like To Keep My Money, Please" summit, but allowed that Herzog and Chappelle are committed to reaching a resolution just as soon as the comedian feels ready, or whenever the supply of "South African chill-out herbs" that Chappelle brought as a peace offering was cashed, whichever happens first.

Dave Chappelle's brief, Wednesday night "Hey, Look At How Not Crazy I Am" comedy tour also hit the Comedy Store on Sunset, where comedian Brody Stevens snapped some photographic evidence of Chappelle's Hollywood homecoming. Lurking off-camera was Bob Saget, who once mysteriously disappeared from the set of America's Funniest Home Videos in 1989 for ten minutes of "chill-out time," but returned well before Time had a chance to run a story on his whereabouts.

Dave Chappelle quietly returned to town, then not-so-quietly dropped in at the Hollywood Improv last night for a surprise appearance at the CollegeHumor.com show:

Predictably, Dave Chappelle's mysterious disappearance from his Chappelle Show duties for some highly-publicized "chill-out time" in South Africa has led to huge DVD sales for said indefinitely delayed hit show: