Here’s the set-up for a deeply fascinating bit of reality television: Tiffany “New York” Pollard of VH1 fame is on Celebrity Brother in the United Kingdom, along with Angela Bowie—ex-wife of the late David Bowie—and David Gest—ex-husband of Liza Minelli.
Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf might be boning, Whitney Port has a new fake boyfriend, Britney Spears dyed her hair and is sporting a ring, Bradley Cooper put Jennifer Aniston in the friend zone and Leo DiCaprio's shoes got stolen.
Liza Minnelli's creepy ex, concert promoter David Gest, turns 56 today. Sportswriter Mike Lupica is turning 57. Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan is 76. Comedian Mort Sahl is 82. Model Laetitia Casta turns 31. Actor James Haven, the son of Jon Voight and brother of Angelina Jolie, is 36. Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is turning 26. Former NBC honcho Warren Littlefield is turning 57. Former MTV VJ Martha Quinn is 50. And Dr. Robert Jarvik—the artificial heart inventor who also appears in all those Lipitor commercials—turns 63 today.
British newspapers keep saying that David Gest, the probably-gay producer and ex-husband of vodka bottle-tossing harridan Liza Minnelli, has herpes. And it's just not true! (Or so says Gest). The peculiar, face-stretched fellow has never had the disease and certainly never said that crazy old Liza with a Z (singer, actress, gurgling legend) gave the disease to him, as was reported. Because, of course Liza didn't give him herpes. That would imply that they'd touched each other's privates. Which, of course, never happened. As they are respectable publications, the papes that printed the stories, The Times and The Independent dutifully printed corrections, one a month or so after the other. So, case closed. But the mystery of Gest's curiously enduring fame in the UK remains. The printed corrections are after the jump.
We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We’ve already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced “punk” rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:
Everything in this Post piece on David Gest is comical in its own particular way, starting with opening line "Sorry, boys - David Gest isn't gay." (Even casting aside the obvious objection to the statement, what boys are we supposed to be sorry for?) But what particularly caught our eye wasn't the "revelation" that staunchly hetero Dave likes him some black chicks, or that his bodyguard is "so straight that, before he got married, he once had sex with seven women in one night, bringing them all to multiple orgasms," (Good Lord, we'd fall asleep trying to put the second condom on). No, it was this particular tidbit, ""He would talk about what he did with women, and that he likes to use whipped cream and cherries," which doesn't sound at all like the desperate attempts of someone inexperienced in the ways of man-on-woman love to convince others of his heterocity. Jeez, Dave, haven't you seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin? From now on just tell folks that you like to stick it in them until you finish. You know, like actual straight guys do.
• Yesterday, we watched Britney cry to Matt Lauer that celebrities "are people, too!" Today, we learn that she changed her baby's diaper on the FLOOR next to a cash register at Victoria's Secret. This pretty much clears up any confusion about whether or not Britney's a person — she's not even a primate. Where the hell is the manny when this stuff happens? [Us Weekly]
• The battle of Paris and Lindsay continues: Hilton tries to pick a fight with Lohan, Lohan takes the high road and walks away, Hilton responds by performing a striptease for Eli Manning. [Page Six]
• An Us Weekly reporter gets pepper-sprayed by security when trying to get pics of Oliver Hudson's weekend wedding. Seems like quite a length to go for Goldie Hawn's other kid. [R&M (last item)]
• Keith Olbermann says Rita Cosby is "dumber than a suitcase full of rocks." Suspiciously masculine rocks, that is. [Lowdown]
• Liza Minelli's estranged, plasticine husband David Gest is accused of sexually harrassing his personal assistant, grabbing his jingly bits and punctuating orders with dirty talk. If true, Gest deserves every beating Liza ever gave him. [Page Six]
• Nick Lachey hooks up with MTV's Vanessa Minnillo, ensuring that Jessica Simpson will never again grace the set of TRL. [Scoop]
• For Michael Jackson, the proceeds from his Katrina charity single will go to straight to his pocket. After all, someone's gotta pay for his new earlobe. [Fox411]
· Katie Couric, who will be hosting "The Tonight Show" on May 12, has been making impossible demands on the staff and was angry when her choice of guestsBen and J-Lo together and/or the entire cast of Friendsdeclined to do the show. [Page Six]
· Sightings: "David Gest getting peevish at a P.J. Clarke's waiter who balked when Gest ordered a salad for Liza Minnelli that wasn't on the menu." [Page Six]
· "THE London-based Cinnamon Club, maybe the world's most expensive Indian restaurant, is planning to open a branch in Manhattan. Sources tell The Post's Braden Keil that reps for the elegant eaterydubbed Posh Spice by Brit criticsare searching for a location to show off its costly curries, calfskin menus and back-lit urinals." [Page Six]
· Barry Diller on Fox programming when he was in charge: ""You can't have a more genuinely pure, liberal program...than 'The Simpsons.'" [NY Daily News]
As mentioned earlier, we've decided to change our corporate motto from "if you can't say anything nice about people, start your own weblog" to "everyone is happy, pretty, and smart in their own special way." I know the similarity is confusing, as the differences are quite subtle. On that note"Random Nice Things About People" by Gawker Editor, Liz Smith:
· David Gest and Liza Minelli: you say "dysfunctional, fucked-up relationship"; I say "highly-rated made-for-TV movie."
· Miramax chief, Harvey Weinstein: big cuddly ass-kicking teddy bear.
· Vogue Editor, Anna Wintour: Oh, to have her smooth freshly-botoxed skin!
· Catherine Zeta-Jones: How does she stuff her face with cake like that, and still manage to stay so thin? Amazing!
· Designer Zac "Perfect" Posen: the trust fund only enhances his obvious talent.
· Nicky and Paris Hilton: (Cat)walking and talking at the same time! How many other beautiful hotel-fortune heiresses can do that? Not many!
David Gest forced a VH1 assistant to stick her head in the oven, according to a legal filing by VH1. (If I had to work for Gest, I don't think anyone would have to force me to stick my head in an oven, but I digress...) Gest also had VH1 fly his personal hairstylist in from LA and demanded that the hairstylist be housed near his UES apartment at a cost of $60,000, then refused to appear on camera when he felt that he "was not looking his personal best."
David Gest and Liza Minnelli [The Smoking Gun via Brendan]
Bulgarian artist Christowhose specialties include "wrapping," "draping," and "surrounding"is planning to wrap Central Park in 26 miles of saffron-colored fabric. We're pretty neutral on the Central Park project but we do have a few suggestions:
NYT writer Joyce Purnick says it's the season for making apologies, and points out a few people that notably haven'tKissinger, for a rather convincing and long-running impersonation of the Prince of Darkness; the head of the MTA, for telling the mayor to "shut up,"introducing the "kindergarten sandbox" phase of the negotiations; and Mayor Mike for buying a $600 bike most New Yorkers can't afford. (She may have been grasping for straws on the last one. If he'd have bought a discount bike, someone would have complained that he was shortchanging local businesses more money, but we digress...)
