David Letterman's rivalry with Jay Leno goes back more than 15 years, to when Leno outmaneuvered Letterman to host the Tonight Show, a job Letterman deeply coveted. Now Leno has ceded the Tonight Show timeslot to Conan O'Brien (rather than fight him from ABC), and accepted to a proffer from network suits to move to 10 pm to make a (still amorphous) show 1/10th the cost of a primetime drama and less likely to be TiVoed. And Letterman isn't about to miss the chance to get in a few digs about how this makes Leno a capitulating loser. (Video after the jump.)

Gloria Vanderbilt's youngest son has been using his mother as a foil since he appeared on the Tonight Show with her at age three. Anderson Cooper more recently brought his mother onto CNN to passive-aggressively scold him on Mother's Day and to provide the silver fox some sensible, embarrassing advice on the occasion of his 40th birthday. So when Cooper recently declined to invite his mother on a holiday trip to Egypt — "No! I wasn't going to take my mom," he told a befuddled David Letterman — she was ruthless in her revenge. You might not acknowledge that's what's going on, Anderson, but it's plain as day to the rest of us. (We're speaking of the revenge, of course.) Video after the jump

Though David Letterman's held a late-night career for almost thirty years, he's rarely had as many consecutive buzz moments as he did in 2008. Whether he was expertly dissecting reality show stars, driving the nervous star of Twilight to a pipe for solace, or launching the full-scale Letterman/McCain War of '08, the ornery talk show host never lost his ability to fluster guests into their weirdest possible publicity stops. Thanks to video editor Richard Blakeley and intern Stacey Fitzgerald, we've assembled eight of the most magic moments in one clip. Vera Farmiga, don't fret: there's always next year.

· There are no words. [via BWE.tv]
· The LAT reviews the second phase of L.A. Live: "It actively discourages any of the activities we traditionally associate with the use of collective space in a city: talking, reading, sitting under a tree, even pausing with a friend for a cup of coffee. Anybody who tried to do any of those things in the L.A. Live plaza, which is filled with both yelping video displays and security guards, would look not just out of place but foolish." Quick! Run to the parking structure before we go blind or are forced to interact!
· No one knows the double indemnity facing "macho, non-metro actors" who take on gay roles better than Sean Penn.
· Natalie Portman's vegan shoe empire crumbles.
· Yo—Emily chick, with the bangs and the cats and the little black tunic? You're busted. [via BoingBoing]
· We see ET finally had the decency to drop the "In The Head"-part from their exclusive headline. Stay classy, guys.
· Only three more days to get your sleighpass for LASantacon.
· Which reminds us—it's time to pick up this year's Christmas Tree!

Nicole Kidman's cringe-inducing appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman last night is continuing to serve up some aftershocks, and during the star's appearance on Regis and Kelly today, Regis treated Kidman as though she were promoting her late-night trainwreck, not Australia.To be fair, Kidman (made up to look like an insane cross between a pilgrim and the Baroness from The Sound of Music) attempted to be diplomatic about the appearance, but Regis refused to have it, placing the blame for the encounter squarely on Letterman. Careful, Regis — a war with Dave is one that few walk away from as the victor. Just look what happened to John McCain! [Live with Regis and Kelly]

If Hollywood is soon to lose Nicole Kidman to motherhood, at least she's going out in a blaze of glory! The actress appeared on Letterman last night to promote Australia (we've seen it, and we feel safe in saying that Kidman's nose gives her finest performance ever), and the host/guest interaction was so uncomfortable that even Kristen Stewart sent Kidman flowers afterward (with a note attached that said, "Damn, girl. Loosen up!").Hard to say exactly what went wrong, but things simply seemed off from the start, as Kidman seemed acutely unable of more than two-word responses, and repeatedly failed to pick up on David Letterman's conversational cues. "I'm just smiling!" Kidman insisted. Oh, so that's what that was!

For a while we were worried that James Franco's epic prosthetic schlong story might be the most insidery background we'd hear about his more intimate moments shooting Milk, but David Letterman finally coaxed the definitive "kissing Sean Penn" tale during the actor's Late Show appearance last Friday. It's packed with all the sheepish eye-rolling and chuckling embarrassment that has been Franco's public stock in trade since he was cast as Harvey Milk's lover Scott Smith, but don't let the modesty fool you: Franco is ready to kiss any man, any time, anywhere — even David Letterman. And to his credit, the host is game. It's not quite the post-Prop 8 statement of solidarity we might have hoped for, but it's a breakthrough of some kind, we think. [The Late Show]

It's tough to really follow an act like Emma Thompson being bitten in the neck by a terrifying foxpire, only to later foam at the mouth and sprout orange fur as she joins their immortal, chicken-preying ranks. But come on—18-year-old Twilight star Kristen Stewart didn't even try on Late Show last night. What we're trading in here is not your garden variety stuck-up Hollywood ennui, however, but a sort of starlet savante social ineptitude that can swiftly put both audience and host on edge. (See: Farmiga, Vera.) We blame both parties for this mini-trainwreck, however, as Stewart is hardly a neophyte to the Hollywood scene—that was her cowering next to Jodie Foster in Panic Room—and Letterman should know better than to use his verbal flaying-knives on a chick who has the air of that cutter in the corner of your homeroom. Nothing really good could come of that—though there's no denying the brilliant scarlet splatter of "Let's hope it's Berlin." [Late Show]

Starlets, you never learn, probably because you're not paying attention, probably because you're always as strung out as Twilight star Kristen Stewart looked last night on the Late Show: You must come on David Letterman's program caffeinated and at least attempt to say several interesting things. Mary-Kate Olsen's "so tired" complaint bombed; Lauren Conrad got entertainingly insulted for being otherwise boring. This is the price from promoting (usually vapid) movies from the Late Show couch. Stewart's appearance is one for the protocelebrity textbooks; an epic trainwreck progressing (in the clip after the jump) from severe awkwardness into mild nastiness and, at the very end, a devastating cut spun from precious, precious terrible awful comedy gold.

Katie Couric is on the Late Show again tonight, to try and convince David Letterman that she didn't purposely steal John McCain for her CBS Evening News that night the Republican presidential nominee infamously flaked on Letterman. Of course this is a lie, assuming Couric is as ruthlessly competitive as any network news anchor must be in order to succeed. But her exchange with Letterman is worth watching if only for all the fun bashing of Keith Olbermann, the MSNBC shouting head who filled in for McCain. Click the video icon to watch.

Greta Van Susteren and Matt Lauer were first out of the gate with lengthy Sarah Palin interviews after the election. The chats were slammed as softball jobs by some critics, and you can now add Katie Couric to that group, at least in one regard: She wishes someone had asked the former Republican vice presidential nominee why she didn't answer Couric's simple and ultimately devastating question about what newspapers and magazines Palin reads. Hopefully Lauer, who hosted Today with Couric for nine years, doesn't take the critique personally, particularly since Couric may very well end up back at NBC. Click the video icon to watch Couric explain her thoughts on David Letterman's Late Show.

Naturally, we at Defamer think the world of Emma Thompson — after all, who doesn't? (Don't answer that, Branagh.) Still, we didn't expect much from her appearance last night on Letterman; maybe some cute banter, some veddy English trilling, but certainly nothing on the level of Helen Mirren's "I'm a crazy British woman" press tour.However, Thompson immediately bucked our expectations by marching onto the set while brawling with a stuffed fox who would not let go until it got a firm disavowal of Love Actually. Sure, Thompson was most likely satirizing Letterman's previous guest, who had survived an animal attack on her own, but we prefer to think of Thompson's stunt as a singular, non sequitur bid for attention. You've won this round, Thompson. Now go do something at Ellen's dunk tank and we can really crank it up.

Now that Russell Brand's been virtually blacklisted from British television, he's made a return to America to ply his wares (yes, that sound you heard was Jordin Sparks stomping an Ugg boot in frustration). Appearing on Letterman last night to promote his upcoming Adam Sandler movie, Brand bewitched the talk show host with the thicket of hair whipped up over his head like a haphazardly thrown-together bird's nest.Though we'd figured the layers of locks held some sort of Samson-like ability for the British lothario, Brand explained that really, his intent is to get closer to God — or serve as a calling tower for extraterrestrials, should they exist. Still, the powerfully hypnotic effect of his hairstyle on Letterman ought to give Brand hope: perhaps a simple question of "Do I have something in my hair?" to his crush, Helen Mirren, could result in another red two-piece hanging off his bedpost.

The list of election '08 losers is a long one: There's John McCain, of course, who will die angry and bitter, notwithstanding his rather gracious concession speech last night. Steve Schmidt, McCain's chief strategist, will probably have trouble finding a Little League team to advise, unless he manages to redeem himself somehow. From Republicans on the Hill to GOP strategists to snowmobile and hunting enthusiasts, plenty of people will feel the cold wind of electoral defeat for a long time to come. After the jump, a roundup of New York City's nine biggest losers.

Alec Baldwin appeared on Late Show last night to reprise his own, sub-Tina Fey impression of Sarah Palin while recounting to Dave the (completely justifiable!) circumstances of Palin's visit to SNL. Unlike her offer to Fey that night, Palin did not serve up Bristol as a potential babysitter to Baldwin's daughter, but that's not to say these two unlikely scenemates didn't find something in common to talk about.Still, even though the two bonded while discussing Baldwin's "right-winger" brother Stephen, Alec's vote is all sewn up. And, as he says, the candidate he's pulling for is not the "guy running with Bible Spice." Still, if Bible Spice would be down for a February sweeps cameo on 30 Rock, then bygones!

On The Hills, Lauren Conrad can usually end an awkward situation by staring into the middle distance as the Black-Eyed Peas take us to commercial, but on last night's Late Show, she had to simply sit there and take it as David Letterman suggested an alternate take on all the friend drama Conrad's been through. "Maybe you're the problem," he said.Letterman then launched into a story about his own realization that he was a destructive "idiot," a story that prompted the well-compensated reality novelist opposite him to complain, "Does that make me an idiot, though?" Watch it, Dave — Lo may be back in the green room sucking on her dinner Jolly Rancher, but she's not afraid to defend Mama Bear. Fight!

There are certain guests Late Show host David Letterman just has to have on, by dint of popularity or importance, and you got the feeling he was getting the worst out of the way all at once last night. Letterman's lineup started with humor-challenged Fox News shouting head Bill O'Reilly before moving on to empty-vessel Hills star Lauren Conrad. There were plenty of painful moments. But then there were also delightful interludes in which Letterman couldn't help but slice into his guests. Click the video icon to watch the attached clip, in which Letterman basically calls Conrad an idiot before backing off in a fit of giggles and self deprecation.

· Brad Pitt and George Miller are teaming to adapt Homer's The Odyssey into a sci-fi opera, set in a futuristic world where Pitt's abs are the only sustainable fuel source. [Variety] · Will Ferrell will make his Broadway debut this January in the Adam McKay-directed You're Welcome America: A Final Night With George W Bush. Look for opening night protests by Anonymous—a shadowy group comprised of one guy in a Guy Fawkes mask who sounds a lot like Chris Kattan chanting, "You stole my career!" [Variety] After the jump: How did McCain's visit to Letterman affect the ratings? Here's a hint: They went up!· Kevin Smith is hoping to make a $50 million sci-fi comedy, and the Weinsteins "have read part of the script and are interested." So that's where Harvey is! Securing funding on Venus. [THR] · McCain's Late Show appearance brought in the show's biggest ratings in three years: 6.5 million, to be precise, were hoping to see the first shaming-to-death of a presidential candidate in history. They were left disappointed. [Variety] · Opportunity Knocks—the Ashton Kutcher brainchild that brings the game show right to your upper-middle-class, suburban-white-family door!—has been pulled from ABC's schedule after three low-rated episodes. [TV Week]

David Letterman may be unable to follow up last night's John McCain appearance with one from his vice presidential running mate, but at least he's got the next best thing: Tina Fey! The 30 Rock actress has already taped her guest spot on tonight's Late Show, and we have this clip where she breaks down her Sarah Palin impression. So what exactly are her influences?Turns out, it's "a little bit Fargo, a little bit Reese Witherspoon in Election," with just a soupçon of her friend Paula's grandma from Joliet, Illinois. Fey downplays her frightening accuracy by claiming it's the easiest impression to do since Billy Bob Thornton mmm-hmmed his way through Sling Blade, but we have to give credit where credit is due. Now, Tina, where the hell is 30 Rock? Can't you pull some strings and get Palin to fire Ben Silverman? [CBS]

♦ It's confirmed: Sarah Palin will appear on Saturday Night Live tomorrow. [NYDN]
♦ Yet another tragic consequence of the economic meltdown: Suze Orman is making money off the crisis with big-money endorsement deals. [WSJ]
♦ Playboy is cutting costs. How? With energy-efficient lightbulbs, naturally. [WWD]
♦ The Grammy nominations—not the actual awards, mind you—will be a TV special. [NYT]
♦ A hiring freeze is now in place at Condé Nast. [NYP]