Imagine waking up in D.C. this morning and having to muddle your way to the Metro (it's what they call the subway) and go to your government job. Yeah, that totally sucks. Then when you get to the subway you grab a free copy of The Examiner, the Capitol's free commuter newspaper, and it has this headline. Your day just got a little awesomer!
The Washington Post, having suffered years of cutbacks and foreign bureau closings, has now consolidated all of its remaining resources on its Peabody award-winning Hipness Desk. The paper's tireless hipness correspondents spend day and night fanned out across the metropolitan region in search of the elusive young, hip vibe that, according to legend, haunts the DC area.
In your frigid Friday media column: DC has a "Bad boy" reporter, Brian Williams discusses the Twitter, a Reuters plagiarism kerfuffle, a CNNer becomes a flack, and Gene Weingarten gripes.
The first rule of hipness is that hip people talk about "hipness" a lot. When you're around someone who uses the word "hip" a lot, well, you know that hipness is in the air, because nothing is hipper than bandying about the word "hip" as it relates to "hipness," in both writing and casual conversation.
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart broke down yesterday's GOP debate and the media's post-showdown coverage. Many pundits predicted Rick Perry's campaign would suffer after he called Social Security a ponzi scheme. But it didn't, and Stewart explained why: "All due respect to both Romney and the citizens of Talking Headsylvania, but you're up against something you're too smart to understand." At least "President Perry" is alliterative.
Washington, DC transit officials launched an investigation on Tuesday after learning of a video that appears to show a Metrobus driver forcibly throwing a passenger off a bus and straight to the ground. A Metro spokesman called the driver's actions "completely unacceptable" and noted that "appropriate action" would be taken against him just as soon as they figure out who the hell he is. Because they don't know.
Holy potatoes that was some kinda Washington Earthquake of 2011 that we just had! Everyone has fallen into the Potomac River. But not before everyone got to make a bad joke on Twitter relating to current national politics! Because it's in DC, know? You can tell it's a "bad" political earthquake joke if it's a political earthquake joke in general. Here's a poorly culled selection.
Free at last! For the past half-century, the capital of our whole entire nation (Washington, DC) has been under the numerical dominance of second-class citizens: black people. Sounds like bad PR, for America!
Though newsroom budgets in our nation's capital have been slashed again and again, the Washington Post staunchly maintains its editorial commitment to keeping its Hipness Desk fully staffed. The young, hip vibe that has swept the town like a stiff Potomac wind is transforming the sleepy riverside burg into an honest-to-god destination spot—not just for hip homegrown anarchists, but for the hippest demographic of all: New Yorkers.
It wasn't that long ago that Washington, DC was just a normal American city, featuring a small cocoon of privileged white wonks surrounded by a seething and forcefully ignored black population. Standard stuff. But then the city was gobsmacked with a "young, hip vibe" that is in the process of turning the drab and nerdy confines of our nation's capital into a wacky blend of hip archetypes, each of which is good for at least one new Washington Post feature story. I mean, anarchist dog-walkers? It doesn't get any hipper!
It's already been established that Washington, DC—once known as the Most Dangerous City in America—is now being consumed by a young, hip vibe that threatens to engulf the entire metropolitan area in a tidal wave of youth, hipness, and white people. We now turn to the Washington Post for a deeper look at this phenomenon. What does the newly young and hip DC look like? Like a bunch of nerds, drinking.
Sue Ann Marcum, a 52 year-old professor at American University, was found murdered in her home in the DC suburbs last year. The prime suspect in the case is Jorge Rueda Landeros, a yoga instructor who has now reportedly fled to Mexico. But that hasn't stopped him from making beautiful, fugitive poetry.
Erik Wemple was the longtime editor of the Washington City Paper, where he routinely ripped the Washington Post various new assholes, as is the job of any good alt-weekly editor. A little over a year ago, Wemple left the WCP to join TBD.com, the hot new startup that would revolutionize online local news in DC.
Three hipness reporters from the hipness desk of hipness arbiter The Washington Post drop an investigative bombshell today: while politicians were politicking, and lobbyists were lobbying, and tourists were touristing, and go-goers were go-going, something sinister was happening in Washington. It was becoming young—and hip.
Dan Snyder, wealthy scoundrel and owner of an awful football team whose name is a racial slur, is able to blow countless hundreds of millions dollars on high-profile free agents who immediately become bad at the sport of football upon cashing Dan Snyder's check. But oddly, he is not wealthy enough to buy one decent PR adviser who could tell him to keep his stupid mouth shut.
