Earlier tonight Olympic stoner Michael Phelps was involved in a car accident in downtown Baltimore. Now we've learned that the precise location of the accident took place in heart of Baltimore's tranny-hooker district.

Hugo Chavez runs Venezuela like a little kid playing "If I Was President," just randomly banning things that displease him. Which, at rare intervals, results in him doing something awesome. He is the first leader brave enough to destroy golf!

Well here's something that'll melt the ice around even the coldest heart out there: On Sunday, Professor Henry Louis Gates mentioned at a book-signing that he and Sgt. James Crowley might attend a Red Sox or a Celtics game together.

Yesterday veteran New Hampshire Union Leader sports reporter Kevin Provencher was arrested and charged with being a pimp. Seriously! Now we have the full criminal complaint against him; sexytime "auditions" and big money, below.

Yesterday we noticed that Fox News was hyping a Bill O'Reilly "investigation" into the naked Erin Andrews peephole video incident, prompting us to wonder, "Will the ole smut-merchant show the video on the air?" Well, of course he would, duh!

Tonight Barack Obama threw out the first pitch at the 2009 Major League Baseball All-Star game. Gambling websites have been taking bets on whether or not he would bounce the pitch to home plate! So how did he do?

Yesterday we posted Sony's take on why Moneyball, the Soderbergh/Pitt film based on Michael Lewis' book, died five days before shooting was to start. Now someone close to the project has provided us with a different version of events.

Last week Sony killed Moneyball, the Steven Soderbergh-directed $58-million baseball film starring Brad Pitt based on Michael Lewis' book about former Oakland A's GM Billy Beane, just five days before filming was set to start. So what the hell happened?

Last night the Brooklyn Cyclones, a minor league affiliate of the New York Mets, transformed into the "Baracklyn Cyclones" to honor Barack Obama in "a night of patriotic partying at the ballpark." Some Cyclone fans were not pleased.

[Fans support their beloved Barcelona fancy football team, on their way to defeating Manchester United to win the UEFA title today, which is one of the few days Gawker will ever mention sports; image via Getty]

Mike Tyson's 4-year-old daughter, Exodus, was pronounced dead today in a Phoenix, Arizona hospital after an accident in the family home over the weekend.

Media minutiae feud alert! The combatants: Selena Roberts, former star NYT sports reporter now at Sports Illustrated; and her former paper. Did the Times try, and fail, to take her down, journalistically? Details! [UPDATED]:

Monday we heard that WNBC's Chuck Scarborough and KNBC's Paul Moyer, the Kent Brockman and Ron Burgundy of New York, were both potential buyout targets. And now loooooooongtime WNBC sports guy Len Berman—the guy who shows the bloopers!—is getting bought out:

The NBA has fined Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, the dotcom billionaire, $25,000 for slagging referees on Twitter Friday. His Twittered response: The league has found a way for Twitter to make money.

Every now and then we see or hear about a remake concept we can live with, even endorse. An updating of the 1977 hockey classic Slap Shot is not one of those ideas. Here's why:

Mike Tyson isn't your typical Sundance star, and neither is the toast he gave at this dinner in honor of Tyson, the James Toback-directed documentary he stars in.

Former Buffalo Bills star running back O.J. Simpson has been out of the spotlight since retiring from football in 1979 (he's been playing a lot of golf), but fans of "The Juice" will be saddened to hear that he's run afoul of the law. Apparently Simpson was involved in a bit of armed robbery last year, taking back his own memorabilia from some questionable characters with the help of his trusty gun. So. He's been convicted of criminal conspiracy, kidnapping, assault, robbery, and using a deadly weapon. It's sentencing day! Simpson faces between 6 years and life in prison. Click for video of him being very, very sorry. We'll let you know what the sentence is shortly.

Hey Michael Phelps, America is transfixed by your endorsement deals for some reason! The golden fishboy should, by all rights, have fallen out of the spotlight by now. It's been what, like, four months since he won any Olympic medals? Old news. But by god people just love this goofy ass-grasper, so we and the rest of the media will continue to tell you exactly what he is formally recommending for public consumption. Today, the story of how one tiny company swindled the unsophisticated manchild into ongoing indentured servitude:

The longest presidential campaign comes down to tonight. Here are your commenting hosts who will be dissecting the results, which you can follow on the handy-dandy map below.

Dolphin-like Olympic champ Michael Phelps is like that dude in the poem who has come to two roads that diverge in the woods. Except Michael Phelps has far more money at stake than that guy. Now that Phelps has won the races and gripped the strippers, his full-time job is endorsing products in return for sweet cash, the nectar of life. Even his mom is in on it! But Phelps is already screwing up. Now is when you determine whether you're the next Tiger Woods or the next [obscure swimmer], Mike. We're here to help, for a small cut. Micheal Phelps' current endorsements include Speedo, Visa, Kellogg's, AT&T, Rosetta Stone, PureSport Beverages. The first would be better if it was Nike or Adidas. The last two are crap niche products that will bring down Phelps' brand value. The middle three are okay (although Wheaties would have been preferable to Corn Pops). What Phelps has to realize is that there are only two paths for athlete endorsers to take: the Nerd path, personified by Tiger Woods, or the Badass path, personified by Ray Lewis. It's simple, really. Can a middle-aged white businessman imagine hanging out with you for a day, and maybe making friends? Then you're a Nerd. Tiger is the uber-nerd, and he's made it work to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. Do you think Tiger motherfucking Woods drives a Buick? No, old people drive Buicks. But Tiger is nonthreatening enough that old people can imagine him plausibly driving one to their cocktail party, and then hitting a few putts in the putting green in their den. Pals. Ray Lewis is a superstar linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens. He was on the cover of Madden 2005. He's also been indicted on murder charges. He will end you. Do you think Ray Lewis is going to come over to your apartment and sit on your couch and play Madden with you and offer you a high five and drink your Capri Sun in a spirit of friendly sportsmanship? No. You fear Ray Lewis, and that is why he's an effective endorser. This is a spectrum, but everyone falls on one side or the other. Michael Jordan is at the friendly end of Badass. Donovan McNabb is at the cooler end of Nerd. Michael Phelps has placed himself squarely on the nerd track. The question is, is that the way to go. Look, Phelps: you're young. You're going to be a tabloid star. You don't want to be Tiger Woods, a cold-blooded machine with an icy, beautiful wife, a billion bucks in the bank, and a Buick in the driveway. You want to be the Jordan of swimming: towering and inapproachable in the pool, and a relaxed, smiling cigar-smoker out of it, surrounded by women as you play craps with money that Cuba Gooding Jr. gave you for the privilege of wearing your underwear. So lose the Speedo and the Rosetta Stone. Take up with Adidas and some Italian airline that will buy you your own villa. Keep up the aggressive grip. Grow rich and prosper. Send us 2%. [I know you're actually a nerd, Mike. It's irrelevant.]