A middle-aged woman found naked outside her apartment with her head stuck in a staircase handrail told police she was having sex with her boyfriend in public in order to "spice things up."

[Apparently a young tech analyst at Credit Suisse returned to the office drunk and left this messy present for a co-worker. He's since been fired, not surprisingly. Image via Dealbreaker]

Reporter Zachery Kouwe resigned from the New York Times in February after being caught plagiarizing from—among others—Dealbreaker. Now Dealbreaker has hired him on as a "guest writer." Dance, Zachery. Dance.

Hedge fund titan Cliff Asness is not a happy camper today. The founder of AQR Capital (and a man once described as one of the smartest guys in the business) is firing back at Dealbreaker.com for reporting on his firm's losses and suggesting he'd fired his own secretary, as well as at former employees of his fund, who appear to have been ripping him to pieces in anonymous comments: "The internet's a great place for anonymous ignorant fools who feel like tough guys in the know when they post their verbal vomit. Enjoy your fun while it lasts. When we go back to doing great for clients what are you going to do for fun? Well, whatever, I'm sure it will be dishonorable and cowardly." [Dealbreaker]

♦ The Dow's huge drop yesterday led to an massive sell-off overnight in Asia. What will happen today is anybody's guess. [Marketwatch]
♦ Citigroup reported a $2.8 billion loss for the third quarter. [WSJ]
♦ Merrill Lynch did even worse, reporting $5.2 billion in losses for the quarter. [Bloomberg]

"The market bitch slaps you one down day after five years of offering up its fake breasts for you to snort the toxic lines of cocaine that is shit debt like Tony Montana and you get your undescended testicles in bind and go crying to the paradoxically named Chris Cox." [Dealbreaker]

John Carney, editor of the readable financial news and gossip site Dealbreaker (founded by original Gawker Elizabeth Spiers), is leaving to edit a new, similar site from Silicon Alley Insider called "ClusterStock." Caroline Waxler, formerly at MainStreet.com, will be heading up fellow SAI blog the Business Sheet. SAI itself is losing its managing editor Peter Kafka, who will be starting a new media and advertising blog for AllThingsD. And wrestling champ Alex "Blue States Lose" Blagg is leaving his blogging gig at BestWeekEver. See, jobs exist!

Mahalo founder Jason Calacanis will host a dinner at New York Chinese restaurant Golden Unicorn tonight. He's calling it Dim Sum 2.0. I'm going, but not for the lazy susan full of food. The last time Calacanis hosted one of these during a trip to New York, it was the night after Calacanis and DealBreaker blogger John Carney nearly came to blows. At the end of a fundraiser for Mouse, Carney allegedly told Calacanis "I will #&%$!ing drop you to the floor." The pair didn't come to blows, but maybe they just needed a little encouragement?

Despite having written about it a couple of weeks ago, we continue to receive emails about that self-described "articulate and classy" young woman who put her neck out there on Craigslist, flung caution and etiquette to the wind and flat-out asked if anyone could help her nab a guy with a salary of at least a half-million a year. Okay, so Jane Austen might have been just slightly more subtle, but this (alleged!) lady's tactics have captured the interest of many, including the New York Times, which today ran a piece about the idiot i-banker whose pissy response to our little gold digger included his JPMorgan Chase signature.

• When is Jason Pomeranc's new hotel opening? No one really knows! [HotelChatter]
  

• W gets called out for bemoaning the difficulty of finding good help these days. [GlossedOver]
  

Dealbreaker posts the following "blind" item query:

Elizabeth Spiers stiffens as lit agent Kate Lee goes straight for her wallet.

After two long, dry months of waiting, our thirst has been quenched: Gawker alum Elizabeth Spiers launches Dealbreaker, her Wall Street blog, today. The initial report? Morning roundups, amusing eBay finds, Scientology, a columnist named Muffie — the usual. It's expectedly witty in a financial sort of way (knowing little to nothing about finance, we're just assuming that "sort of way" exists).

• Will Katie go to CBS? We continue to not really have any idea. [USAT]
• What did Bonnie Fuller learn from getting fired from Conde Nast? "Blatant disloyalty is never the smart course of action." Who knew? [NYT]
• Kurt Andersen thinks — hopes! — that the celebrity moment might finally be over. [NYM]
• Elizabeth Spiers is starting a blog about Wall Street. Also, she used to work here. [IWantMedia]
• Esquire has a funny spoof in its new issue written by — who else? — a Foer brother, in this case champion memorizer Joshua. [WP]
• Simon Dumenco isn't sure newspapers will survive, and he can't believe it took the Times until now to get rid of the printed stock tables. [Ad Age]
• Jim Surowiecki thinks newspapers will survive, and he can't believe it took them until now to get rid of printed stock tables. [NYer]
• WWD media reporter Jeff Bercovici breakfasts on spelt toast with almond butter and a home-brewed cappuccino. [Jossip]
• Syd Schanberg quit his job as the Village Voice's Press Clips columnist just after the New Times deal closed, feeling that the company was no longer interested in media criticism. Friday he won an award for his Voice media criticism. [VV]