Barring an act of god or the FBI, Bernie Sanders is not going to win the Democratic nomination. He does, however, now have a window to make some demands in exchange for his support. What should he get?

Telecom giant Verizon will gobble up AOL for a cool $4.4 billion, at $50 a share, in a deal described by the Wall Street Journal as “aimed at advancing the telecom giant’s growth ambitions in mobile video and advertising.”

As winter's frostbitten hand bitch-slaps the east coast with flurries, two men emerge from the frozen tundra in Worcester, Ma. to make what appears to be a drug deal as a very enthusiastic reporter tells everyone: snow day!

As any American looking to eat out on a budget, I'm not one to pass up a great deal, and this one is arguably better than the McDonald's value menu: Bring your gun to Bergeron's Restaurant in Port Allen, La. and get 10 percent off your order for making the owner feel "safer." "I just need to see a weapon. I need you to be carrying a gun," Kevin Cox told NBC33.

Robert Marcus took over as CEO of Time Warner Cable in January. Six weeks later, the company was sold to Comcast. When the deal goes through, Marcus will receive $80 million, "a severance payment that amounts to more than $1 million a day in compensation for the less than two months he ran the company." He earned it.

Good news if the only thing keeping you from having a baby was the fear that you might not be able to scrape together $99 to buy a crib from IKEA; IKEA Australia is offering a free crib to any baby who is born nine months from today, on November 14, 2013.

It's not exactly news that rich people will spend too much money to look cheap, but the latest accessory from designer Jil Sander is still noteworthy for being hilariously expensive and useless.

Nadya "Octomom" Suleman really needs money — so much for that whole supporting herself thing. But hey, she's finding new ways to generate income: her latest endeavor is a for-pay dating site.

Back Alley Waffles spent only three months in business before closing, and they're blaming deals site Groupon.

There needs to be a term for when the shining tech star of the previous generation of the internet burns out then sells for less than the world's most expensive dollhouse. MySpacing out? New York tech incubator Betaworks has bought the skeleton of Digg, once a social networking monster—it even got verbed!—for a paltry $500,000, according to the Wall Street Journal.

Even the most expensive meals generally don't top four figures, but one person's private lunch with Warren Buffett cost the anonymous bidder $3.5 million.

Congratulations to Joe Muto, formerly known as the Fox Mole, for selling a book about his experiences inside Fox News Channel to Dutton, an imprint of Penguin.

In by far its largest acquisition to date, Facebook said it will buy photo-sharing service instagram for $1 billion, or about $100 million per Instagram employee. At last, the world will be blessed with a fresh gigantic explosion in Instagram-manipulated pics.

Like most 17-year-olds his age, Wang wanted to keep up with the latest technology and impress his friends. Unlike most 17-year-olds his age, Wang decided that the best way to do that was to sell his kidney for an iPad and an iPhone.

For many of us, getting a photo taken with Newt Gingrich isn't on the bucket list, but some people would pay good money for a snapshot with the Republican presidential candidate. And they'll have to, because as of today, Gingrich is charging $50 for photos at public speaking events.

This is one of those things where you have to really squint to see it — except even squinting is no guarantee. A tipster sent in this eBay listing for "IMAGE OF MITT ROMNEY AND SATAN SHAKING HANDS ON PIECE OF TOAST." An intriguing find, to be sure, but whatever image the toast advertises is subtle, to say the least. It mostly just looks like a piece of toast. And with an $88.40 shipping fee, it's an expensive piece of toast.

BOVGOP, Buy One Vasectomy Get One Pizza, is the new BOGO. In festive March Madness spirit, Urology Associates of Cape Cod in Hyannis are offering one free pizza with every vasectomy performed.

Short on talent but not on funds? You might be in luck. While it's too late to be considered for any of Sunday's Academy Award wins, you can bid on one of 15 Oscar statuettes on Tuesday. Or, hell, bid on them all. You can always pawn off the extras when you need to pick up a Tony or a Golden Globe.

Now that he's moved on to bigger and shinier things, Barack Obama has no need for his old mode of transportation. I'm actually pretty sure he ditched it a while back, but hey — now it can be yours. The eBay scourers over at BuzzFeed stumbled on an exciting opportunity to purchase Obama's 2005 Chrysler 300. For a paltry one million dollars, you can drive around in the same car then-Senator Obama may have used to travel between Washington D.C. and Chicago. That's right, no guarantees. At least the listing is honest?

Chalk one up for middle-aged mundanity over the edgy glamour of youth. Disney will pay around $40 million for Babble Media, the oft-maligned blogging hub for hipster parents, sources tell Business Insider. Disney will also onboard Babble's founders, whose hyperliterate porn mag Nerve was a critical smash but never very financially successful.