Should there be a fatwa against Deepak Chopra? USA Today investigates.

Singer Alicia Keys got hitched to producer Swizz Beatz in Corsica on Saturday in a ceremony performed by Deepak Chopra and attended by Queen Latifah and Bono. Because that's just what you do, when you're rich. [Page 6]

David Karp lectured the twittering masses on acting "classy," Lance Armstrong held forth on what Real Men don't do on the internet, and Andrew Keen detested your inspirational quotes. The Twitterati were feeling judgy.

The other day, The View's resident conservative/pirate couture expert Elisabeth Hasselbeck chose to assail Deepak Chopra not with any of the clear, New Agey ammunition at hand, but with the ethnically questionable order, "Go light a bowl of incense!" This comment, er, incensed some Indians, who saw it as a potential slur.

Though Elisabeth Hasselbeck has offended many during her tenure on The View, she's never quite had what could be called, in the show parlance, a "Ching Chong" moment. So named for Rosie O'Donnell's Asian language impression in which she shrieked, "Ching Chong Ching Chong!" and stopped just shy of declaring, "That was me, Rosie, playing an Oriental!" the gaffe is the type that incurs the wrath of an entire race, and Hasselbeck may have had her own in this morning's episode.

Ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky made Microsoft's "I'm a PC" ads using Macs, according to a Flickr user who downloaded an image version of the ad from Microsoft's web site and perused its meta data. After Digital Daily posted the news, a Microsoft flack confirmed the news and said: "Agencies and production houses use a wide variety of software and hardware to create, edit and distribute content, including both Macs and PCs." Along with its ad agency, Microsoft's spokespeople in the "I'm a PC" campaign are also proud Apple product owners.Comedian Jerry Seinfeld used to include a Mac on the set of his sitcom and even appeared in an Apple ad once. Deepak Chopra wrote on the Huffington Post about how he prefers the iPod to nuclear weapons. A geek at an airport made a deep connection with Eva Longoria when he spotted her MacBook. Pharrell Williams encases his iPhone in gold. And finally, I heard Trig Palin tried to sell his iPod Shuffle on eBay, but failed and had to sell it off-line for a loss.

Microsoft is dropping Jerry Seinfeld's nonsensical ass from its massive ad campaign, which they say was, you know, always the plan! The company is actually dubbing the new ads in its $300 million campaign, debuting tonight, "phase two." (Couldn't think of anything slightly less evocative of the Death Star?) The company line is that the "Seinfeld and Bill Gates do the robot" ads were just teasers, and now the real informative spots start. But fuck that; the new ads sound easily just as weird: The "theme" of the new spots is the standard, vapid "Windows. Life without walls." Whatev. And Microsoft has decided to fight back against all those vicious Mac ads by co-opting the phrase "I'm a PC." In the new ads, you will see: a John Hodgman doppelganger, and "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers." And, of course, more random celebrities!!

With Jerry Seinfeld gone, Microsoft's new ad campaign will become an aggressive response to Apple's Mac vs. PC ads, with actress Eva Longoria, singer Pharrell Williams, author Deepak Chopra and a slew of what the New York Times calls "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers," proudly proclaiming "I'm a PC." In one ad, a Microsoft engineer who looks like John Hodgman, the actor who plays PC in Apple's commercials, will the commercial: "Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.”Experts told the New York Times the campaign reminds them of how rental car company Hertz finally responded to Avis's slogan "We’re No. 2. We try harder," with a campaign that declared: “For years, Avis has been telling you Hertz is No. 1. Now we’re going to tell you why.” But for me, it just brings to mind that old clip of an angry Larry Ellison responding to a reporter asks him "what's new about what Microsoft's doing." "What's new is nothing's new," Ellison says.

It seems like only yesterday that Deepak Chopra flexed his philosophical muscle in the name of The Love Guru, deflecting rumors of its anti-Hindu undercurrents in a zinger of an essay on BeliefNet: "Silliness often has wisdom hidden just beneath the surface — perhaps The Love Guru will, also, since Myers laced his Austin Powers farce with a message about tolerance — but if you can't accept silliness in the first place, you are likely to be immune to wisdom, too." Oh, but for the old times, as Guru's singular tank job, critical enmity and shocking Myers implosion provoked a reconsideration of sorts for the spirituality kingpin, who seems to have overcome his immunity to wisdom in the bitter months since Guru's release:

Deepak Chopra, the author of "Golf For Enlightenment: Seven Lessons for the Game of Life," is a werewolf. (This means that we're presuming this is the real Deepak on the Facebook.) This also means that part of Dr. Chopra's day is spent fighting zombies and vampires and also biting his colleagues on Facebook and that he has working his way through the ranks of Creeper Werewolf, Rabid Werewolf, Werewolf Howler, Fire Werewolf, Cyber Werewolf. Savage Werewolf, Werewolf God.

Spiritual guru Deepak Chopra (right) practices "enlightenment through holistic Mardi Gras." [NewYorkSocialDiary]