Even though each Wednesday morning ratings report returns results so low that Fox executives periodically call up Nielsen to make sure they haven't mistakenly swapped their show's numbers with those of a Telemundo infomercial for a local used car dealership, On The Lot continues on against all odds, with each first-run episode awing us anew with Steven Spielberg's power to keep the work of his fledgling auteurs on the air. For some strange reason, we incorrectly believed that the entire series was already in the can (maybe we were made a little suspicious by the fact that the show's format seemed to change every week without explanation?), but as revealed by a current casting notice just forwarded to us, they're still busy trying to fill rolls in the mini-productions that will one day earn begrudging, qualified praise from Carrie Fisher. The notice follows after the jump, but be warned: spoilers abound.

Even though we're painfully aware of how little reality is involved in the production of reality television, we're nonetheless a little saddened that a reader ruined Spray-Bronzer Christmas by forwarding us this casting notice revealing the people we'll eventually see wandering into "L.A.'s most successful upscale tanning salon" on E!'s Sunset Tan, each of whom will present a unique pigment-correction challenge for the show's aesthetic technicians. As entertaining as it might be to watch the Olly Girls climb a step-ladder to evenly distribute Too Tall's perfect copper topcoat, stoop to slather a little person in high-end cocoa butter, or bicker over to the best way to color-match a prosthesis and a tragic farmer's tan, the magic of the show is inevitably diminished by knowing all their quirky characters were just ordered from a casting agency's take-out menu.

Clear your calendars, underemployed, musical-loving actors of Los Angeles, for you've been officially notified that the cattle-call that could deliver you the kind of Broadway superstardom you've always dreamed of is at hand. Next Wednesday, thousands upon thousands of singing-ogre hopefuls, their voices colored with the frustration of scores of commercial callbacks that never came, will descend upon Burbank, trying to demonstrate they can belt out rock lyrics through an impenetrable faux-Scottish accent. Please note that the producers have taken special care to invite performers "of all cultural backgrounds" to audition for both leading roles—the words "urban edge," "hip hop," and "R&B" are just fun little lawyer-approved suggestions about what they're looking for in their perfect Donkey.

Following today's much-anticipated Good Morning America appearance by Andrew "The Guy Who Decided It Was OK To Fly With a Drug-Resistant Strain of Tuberculosis" Speaker, the networks will undoubtedly be clamoring to adapt his story into the kind of ripped-from-the-headlines television product of which audiences are so fond, and so we are here, as we always are, to lend a hand in the casting process. Because we feel Speaker's tale has appeal as both the customary CBS MOW (Health Fugitives: A Love Story) and a more cutting-edge ABC sitcom (TB Guy) satirizing the way America unfairly stigmatizes the ill, we're providing choices for both comedy and drama: The Office's John Krasinski (hat tip to commenter heidiho) and crossover superstar Harry Connick, Jr, respectively. Let the frenzied phonecalls to their agents begin!