Like a record-setting swimmer surging forward towards the goal, you, the Defamer readership, have flooded us with suggestions for which actor could best play the role of gold medal Olympian Michael Phelps. Swimming prowess was secondary (that's what they have CG for) and so were bankable names; after all, no A-list actor worth mentioning could hope to fill the speedo of these perfectly cast finalists. Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

Now that Michael Phelps has finally won more gold medals than Geena Davis, we can get down to the real business at hand: the swimmer's showbiz future. Sure, there's bound to be an awkward SNL-hosting stint yet to come, but as the boys at THR note today, most Olympians have to reconcile themselves to appearing in Duracell commercials or baring their midriffs opposite the Village People. Thus, let's focus on more positive matters, like casting the Michael Phelps Movie of the Week:Sure, there are advocates for McSwimmin', but how about John Krasinski, who plenty of fans of The Office might like to see wearing a hydrodynamic speedo for two hours? However, if producers are willing to take a Todd Haynes-inspired flight of fancy, might we also recommend Will Smith? He's got the ears and the toned body, and we have no trouble imagining him as he mows down a fleet of zombie swimmers, accompanied by nothing but his trusty goldfish (and, of course, his loneliness).

The day's fastest-spreading casting rumor intrigues as much for its potential for on-screen carnage as its requisite off-screen tragedy: The man who originated Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street has Billy Bob Thornton pegged to portray the razor-fingered villain in a planned remake. Robert Englund doesn't sound too upset about it, either, informing JoBlo that the Michael Bay-produced reimagining would treat Wes Craven's original with the hacky, high-gloss dignity it deserved 25 years ago. Englund stopped short of suggesting he'd join the film, of course, lest he subject himself to Thornton's infamous scythe-handling clumsiness. Nevertheless, his overall support reminds us what a fertile period it is for the villain in American cinema — and how '80s/'90s-era schlock could stand to benefit from an A-list talent injection. We consulted our own casting department for five ideal remakes, and the stars who might push them over the top:

We are humbled—truly, humbled—by the singular talents of you, our astute readership. Shortly after petitioning you to find the perfect man or woman to assume the psychologically complex role of Reginald Peterson—the sandwich-dressing-deprived Subway patron who boldly tried to take on the system and lost—and combing through your many suggestions (surprisingly, Abigail Breslin's name never came up), one casting idea came through the Defamer tipbox that towered above all others. The clear winner is after the jump.

Upon learning of the crimes of Jacksonville, Fl. native Reginald Peterson—who placed two 911 calls demanding local police locate and return a missing sandwich dressing to its rightful place atop his Subway spicy Italian sub—we were instantly reminded of Thelma Dennis, the Patron Defamer Saint of Emergency Phone Services Squandering, who phoned in fake bomb threats for 24 years.We threw it open to you to cast the Thelma Dennis TNT Movie of the Week, Naughty Urges: Thelma Dennis's Undeadly Deception, and you gave us Brian Posehn—producing one of the greatest side-by-sides of all time. We turn to your casting prowess once more for Crazy Sauce: The Reginald Petersen Story. Let the casting commence!

As we briefly touched upon a post or so ago, MTV has announced they'll be producing a remake of midnight movie classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which struck us as a slightly less onerous addition to our ever-growing End of Ideas library. (Perhaps it was the delightful image of a whole new generation of Rocky disciples chanting, "Lips! Lips! Lips!" in anticipation of Audrina Patridge's ladyparts' soulful rendition of "Science Fiction, Double Feature" that did it.) Variety has the details:

The most important, non-hamster-related casting news of the summer trickled into Defamer's inbox today, with the modestly subject-lined "MOTHER OF ALL PRESS RELEASES" issuing a heads-up for anyone interested in auditioning for author Dessarae Bradford's adaptation of her book, Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy.

As much as we bemoan the dearth of good roles for women, minorities and Coreys, things have really never been worse for gerbils. But a change may be in the offing as early as this weekend, when one lucky hamster has the chance to break the fluorescent-plastic ceiling en route to the A-list:

Having already identified the source of the famous scruff from Guess the Celebrity Nape!, we now invite you to browse further sumptuous set stills from Steven Soderbergh's The Informant—where star Matt Damon can be found undertaking a harrowing physical transformation into paunchy, Mai Tai-loving, real-world whistleblower Mark Whitacre. Wait one second: agricultural price-fixing scams? Boooring. We have a better idea: What ever happened to that Summer School remake? We've got our perfect Mr. Shoop right here!

In today's very special installment of Defamer Casting, our talent search reaches new pinnacles of class and cinema culture as hyper-reclusive legend Terrence Malick hits Craigslist to give away a role in his latest film, The Tree of Life. The only catch: You'll need to be a giant. "[Malick] is looking for a very tall man with tough look for shoot early June," writes casting director Vicky Boone. "Ideal look: 6'8" or taller; strong, built physique; wrestler, boxer, basketball player; strong facial features." It also couldn't hurt to live in or near Houston, where Malick is currently shooting (Yao Ming's head shot is en route as we speak). In any case, as per the custom established in Malick's previous two films The Thin Red Line and The New World, expect 95% of your performance to land on the cutting-room floor. Even Adrien Brody and Christian Bale had to pay their dues. Good luck! [Craigslist]

While we long ago put to rest those rumors that Oliver Stone's forthcoming George Bush biopic W was a fantastically sophisticated April Fools gag on the media and all modest Americans of taste and discretion, it's not like Entertainment Weekly had to go rub it in with its new cover story. But there they are anyway: Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Banks as the President and First Lady, all set to ham it up in the drama Stone is apparently location scouting as we speak. Alas, with Stone swearing up and down he can have the film in theaters by election time, one critical vacuum remains: Who, who will play Dick Cheney?

Just when we started to truly believe that every reality TV idea had already been plundered, comes a Craigslist casting opportunity featuring one of the more fertile premises we've yet heard: It's a show devoted to capturing all the thrilling highs and the "Oops! But I'm almost positive you said it was the left knee that was giving you trouble" lows of a surgeon's first time.

We've long believed that of all of Mr. T's deeply subversive acting work of the '80s, nothing demands a more serious reappraisal through the prism of contemporary social issues than The A-Team. Especially an A-Team directed by John Singleton, whom Fox has nabbed for its feature-length adaptation to open in summer 2009. Alas, with the updating reportedly focusing on a group of Iraq War veterans railroaded for a crime they didn't commit, Singleton requires a kinder, gentler, less gold-plated 'Nam vet anti-hero B.A. Baracus to carpool his batch of mercenaries in that famous black van.

Break out your varsity jackets and teasing combs, because Beverly Hills: 90210 is getting a B12 shot in the ass. As THR reports this morning, the beloved fictional halls of West Beverly will be refurbished and re-populated with a brand new spinoff on the CW. Though a pilot has yet to be written by Veronica Mars producer Rob Thomas, and the tweeny network has yet to sign any papers, we'd like to prevent Aaron Spelling from rolling over in his grave by offering our own suggestions for who should play the new versions of Brenda, Brandon and their rotating group of bed buddies. Although we kinda doubt a marching band dusted with school spirit could help our Donna Martin graduate...

We guide you now to Gawker for complete coverage of the shocking—simply shocking!—sex scandal in which New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer currently finds himself embroiled, as all we at Defamer are interested in is who should play Eliot and wife Silda in the inevitable CBS Movie of the Week:

To be honest, we have no way to verify whether or not the following Britney Spears body-double casting notice, which landed in our inbox with only a single, introductory sentence reading, "Check this out - this shiz is real..." is, as claimed, real shiz. Still, the risks involved in not passing this incredible employment opportunity along to our readers seemed to outweigh all others:

According to today's Variety, the relentlessly versatile Jake Gyllenhaal will soon pad a resume filled with iconic turns as dreamy-eyed cowboy bottoms and disaffected, clothes-averse Marines by taking on the role of flamboyant Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath, who delighted NY sports fans of the 60s and 70s with his guaranteed Super Bowl victory, sideline modeling sessions of the latest in fur-coat fashions, and scene-stealing Brady Bunch cameos.

Even if you're not plugged in enough to reach the A-list talent you'd love to attach to your passion project, Craigslist's virtual casting office always offers hope to those who aren't afraid to dream big: after all, you never know when a well-connected agent, manager, or producer will accidentally stumble across your ad while searching for someone to grant their own seemingly crazy wishes. And if you have tens of thousands of dollars to help motivate your potential middlemen to lend a hand, all the better:

Because we know that you'd never forgive us if we neglected to inform you of the opportunity to possibly fulfill your childhood dream of battling intimidatingly muscled spandex-unitard models while encased in an enormous steel hamster ball, we want to make sure you know that the Gold's Gym in Venice will be holding an opening casting call tomorrow for NBC's recently announced American Gladiators revival. Excitingly, they'll be looking both for potential gladiators and their civilian quarry during the mass audition:

Should the prolonged strike everyone's nervous about ever come to pass, the studios could resort to using cheap, non-union talent to keep their lucrative movie franchises on schedule and avoid the huge financial losses of production delays. In the interest of helping with their alternative casting plans, we direct any desperate producers to this thread on a Mazda owners' message board [warning: not graphic, but probably NSFW], in which a confused poster describes how he stumbled upon some Detroit-area superhero hopefuls keeping their chops sharp in case they ever get the call from Sony to step in and make sure Spider-Man 4: Spidey on Venom gets into the multiplex on time.