Forget Judge Walker and the Supreme Court or whatever. The final moral and imaginarily legal verdict on gay sex fiend weddings and Proposition 8 will be issued by an episode of the upcoming mistake, Law & Order: Los Angeles.

In a new article, Zac Efron moans "best… orgasm… ever!" with his pants unzipped in a public restroom, and Tom Cruise takes him for a pleasure ride on his motorcycle. Conclusion: "Nothing about Efron merits even flipping on the gaydar."

On a trip out west, Mad Men's Don Draper shifted back into Dick Whitman, but when disaster wrenched him back, he returned to his pattern of destructive behavior—and dragged another down with him. And our beloved Joanie cried!

It's true. He had the second-highest opening of his career this weekend. Plus the dream movie continued to do well and the cats and dogs thing... not so much.

He's agreed to all her terms of the divorce so she'll keep his gay secret. This cheating actor gave his wife herpes and this actress is acting as a pimp for dominatrices. Now this actor is her slave!

The worst part about Project Runway is the first few episodes when the cast is still littered with bad designers. At least they have the decency to create some drama before getting kicked out!

It's true, and the old biddy didn't even see it coming. Also today: casting news about some smaller-time actors that is still pretty interesting, the Family Guy guy goes all earnest on us, and some thoughts on David E. Kelley.

The relationships, both romantic and social, of the subjects on Jersey Shore, the most important sociological experiment of our time, are very volatile. Sometimes they are soothed with the balm of alcohol. Sometimes it makes them explode. Sometimes both!

Rosie O'Donnell will return to TV with a new daytime talker on Oprah Winfrey's very expensive OWN channel. The show will start sometime next year. Sorry, but Rosie won't be nearly as fun without an Elisabeth Hasselbeck to shout at.

He says it's preparation for a role, but then he's really prepared. These two reality stars are making their relationship public. This boozy actor drove a golf cart into a pool. At least he's making a splash.

Here's a trailer for the upcoming Jackass 3D, the new James Ivory picture starring Maggie Smith and Jim Broadbent. Hm? Wait, no, sorry. It's the threequel (ugh) in the Johnny Knoxville series about man-boys hurting themselves. And it's in 3D!

According to Vulture, the fading-to-a-near-invisible-point onetime box office draw will be paid SAG minimum wages to act in Mission Impossible 4: The Fourth Time Around It's Probably Pretty Possible. That's basically the death of clout right there.

They're doing something that involves Russians and Americans and it all sounds very dangerous. Also today: new roles for Kurt Russell, the dumb brother from O Brother Where Art Thou, and Morgan Freeman. Plus, the end of an Entertainment era.

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having interest in Top Chef Season 7 DC, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the season is now screening. God save ignorance and the American way!

The world of movie bloggers is a tight-knit one, where a small group of powerful men compete to slobber over the cock of the latest fantasy-themed Hollywood blockbuster. But now, movie bloggers have turned against one of their own. Amusingly!

He's so happy to be back in the business he blew his wad on babes and blow. Two married country singers are strumming each other's guitars, and the least blind reality show item ever. Sometimes it's gotta be easy.

Here's a trailer for Burlesque, the Christina Aguilera/Cher girl-with-big-city-and-bright-lights dreams movie that, to some, seemed like the advent of a new gay Christmas. Well, Christmas is canceled this year, kids.

She was seen taking medication for the STI at a nightclub, even though she's underage. This actress got knocked up with her producer's baby, and this rich man (gasp!) takes out his own trash. Quel scandale!

Sure, Sandra Bullock had an awful year in the press what with her cheating husband and all. But she raked in $56 million last year for starring in The Proposal and The Blind Side. Maybe that makes up for it?

Everyone thinks that the fights and confrontations on the Real Housewives of New Jersey come out of nowhere, but they have all been foretold by a very powerful soothsayer. Come, have a look at an ancient, earth-shattering artifact.