Ari Emanuel has fashioned himself as the most powerful agent in Hollywood since Mike Ovitz's terrible reign. And as Conan O'Brien's prime defender against NBC, he's found himself in the exact same position as the zen warrior of Beverly Hills.

Many years ago, NBC decided that the guy who came up with the idea of doing concerts on The Today Show would make a great network head. Now they are in last place. Except in jokes, where they are first.

Despite its imminent demise, American Idol still danced winsomely for us last night, marking the start of its 9th season with a big, gloopy Boston-set episode. Sob stories and wild-eyed maniacs abounded as always. Though one maniac was sorely missing.

One partner gets a beard, the other gets money for drugs and gambling. They're still married, just like this comedian who never got his drunk Vegas marriage annulled and now can't marry his famous girlfriend. Matches made in heaven!

[Former Christian rock singer Katheryn Perry wears an expressive T-shirt in Los Angeles; image via INF]

Now that beloved carrot-top Conan O'Brien has gone and laid a gentle smack down on NBC for their time-shifting late night foxtrot, what are some ways he could fuck over the (already so fucked) network? Let's imagine some possibilities.

Conan O'Brien has finally said "enough." The Tonight Show host is abandoning his gig rather than move it to midnight. O'Brien's blunt statement reflects months of being jerked around at NBC.

If Gilberto Sanchez is the new face of movie piracy, the studios should be worried. He's a 47-year-old motivational speaker from the Bronx who was trying to entertain his three grandkids on the cheap. Now he faces prison time.

Ha, here is a funny thing that nerds want. There is some sort of petition making the rounds begging ABC/Disney to build a Lost ride at Disney World. Hah! What could such a ride look like? Let's imagine!

Oh, everyone says this thing's gonna end every year, don't they? But this year it's serious, guys. Famousest judge Simon Cowell is putting down the Coke cup in May, and that absolutely means the end. The show cannot go on.

Last night How I Met Your Mother showed Neil Patrick Harris' character Barney extol his love of clothes in a song and dance number after hanging out with Tim Gunn. Wait isn't Barney supposed to be straight? Well, kinda...

We blame Drew Barrymore for creating the very-young-starlet-on-drugs archetype. It's being recreated by this girl, who is also bedding two older men. She shouldn't get advice from this actor, who is a sloppy drunk. Back on the wagon, everyone.

Claire Danes plays the I-will-win-an-award-if-I-play-a-person-with-disabilities card with her new role in the HBO movie Temple Grandin. It looks like another potentially embarrassing stop in a career full of misfires. Still, Danes is worth her weight in street cred. How?

Now that Jay Leno's woeful 10pm talk show experiment has been axed, NBC is faced with a serious vacuum of programming. They're desperate enough to consider an LA-set Law & Order, so what else might they be considering? Let's speculate!

Season one-billion of American Idol hasn't even started yet, and already we're thinking about the end. Simon Cowell, beloved grumpy crumpet judge, will leave at the end of the season to judge the similarly-themed British import, The X Factor.

The Simpsons celebrated its 20th anniversary last night, closing a new episode with a thank you note to fans. But was a one-line jab at their competition—"Now stay tuned for three Seth MacFarlane shows."—omitted from the broadcast?

Think about the great things in Avatar and of course the script sticks out. [WGA]

The much-anticipated fourth season of Big Love bloomed strangely last night — a messy, deliriously overstuffed smear of stories that left us anticipating a season rife with the show's usual eerie, lunar menace. There will also be exotic birds!

This weekend saw more huge numbers for the little chamber piece Avatar, an unsurprisingly British runner-up, and three debuts that didn't go huge but did a-OK. Did you see any of these this weekend?