Because the gossips say they're working on a new baby, but I'm not sure we can believe it until the beard is accounted for. Kevin Jonas is getting married, Snooki lost her job, Elin Nordegren hires a lawyer. TGIFriday Gossip.

• France's first lady, Carla Bruni, will star in Woody Allen's next movie. [AFP]
• Time Inc. is shutting down InStyle Weddings and laying off nine people in the process. The company also let 15 staffers go at Fortune today. [Gawker, NYP]
• Adam Lambert's racy performance at the AMAs has stirred up some drama, in case you haven't heard; ABC says it's been flooded with complaints. [NYT]
• In related news, Lambert will not be appearing on GMA due to the fallout, but he will be on the Early Show and the Late Show with David Letterman. [HL]
• The Washington Post is closing its NYC, LA, Chicago bureaus. [WaPo]
• Time Inc., Condé Nast and Hearst are setting up a company to "allow them to take the digital future into their own hands." Better late than never! [NYO]
• Sarah Palin's Going Rogue sold 700,000 copies in its first week, sadly. [AP]

It didn't very long for people to notice that the photo of Demi Moore on the cover of the December issue of W had been photoshopped. Half of her hip was missing! The magazine didn't even try to deny that the photo had been retouched. (A W spokesperson said the mag "did not do anything unusual or out of the ordinary," but since fixing up a cover photo is standard stuff, that didn't mean very much.)

• Mariah Carey must be determined to earn back the title of "world's most demanding diva." For an appearance at a London shopping shopping center to kick off the holiday season, she asked for 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, and confetti shaped like butterflies. She also requested a Rolls-Royce, pink carpet, pink podium, and a security staff of 80 to protect her entourage of 15. Then again all she asked for in her dressing room were a few bottles of water, so it isn't as if she's totally out of control, is it? [NYDN, DM]
• Jude Law made the unfortunate decision to move into a building next to an NYU dorm and he hasn't been too happy about the students who invariably look down on him as he plays with his kids or works out with his trainer. When Law recently noticed students waving at him from across the way, he responded by pelting their windows with oranges. That'll do it! [NYP]
• Madonna is still saving the world. But she isn't taking any chances while she does it, clearly. She insisted on wearing a bullet-proof vest under her jacket while touring a "lawless" Rio de Janeiro favela recently. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's gig at Emanuel Ungaro may be coming to an end soon. The company's chairman reportedly wants her out since he, like the rest of the world, wasn't impressed with the "cheesy and dated" outfits she debuted at Paris Fashion Week, and many stores are refusing to carry the line. Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige wants to keep her, though, to save face. [P6]

Mitch Winehouse offers charming new details about his daughter's breasts; Adam Lambert fires back at Out magazine's editor; Miley Cyrus literally dresses like a whore. Friday's gossip is losing its sense of irony, but makes up for it with cleavage.

• Down-and-out former pageant queen Carrie Prejean must be getting really desperate: She's turning to Donald Trump for career advice. Trump suggested she "become a major porn star," make tons of cash and then "give it to worthy causes." Clearly, it's this type of forward thinking that has made Trump the business titan he is. [P6]
• Nic Cage's lawyer now says the countersuit by the actor's former business manager—Samuel Levin claims he warned Cage about his "compulsive, self-destructive spending" years ago—is "ridiculous." As for Cage himself, he's in Somalia right now facing down evil pirates since he's under the impression that his life is one big action movie, but says he'll sort everything out once he gets back to the States. [P6]
• Lou Dobbs is taking a vacation now that he's no longer with CNN. Mexico is not on his travel itinerary, in case you were wondering. [NYP]
• Larry King's 10-year-old son is the luckiest boy in all of Los Angeles today: He's been signed to host his own cable TV show. Ain't nepotism grand? [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's dad says his daughter's new breast implants are leaking, which is why she's been in the hospital recently. But presumably that's to be expected if you poke yourself with needles all day, no? [Sun]

Paris is back, bitches. Art Garfunkel: kind of a bitch. Ann Landers went to Scores with JFK Jr. Diane von Furstenburg's been drinking Pimp Juice. Sammy Sosa: white. Metal weddings: black. Michael Moore: fat. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Lev Grossman lost his whole novel when he changed flights; Rob Pegoraro carefully unfriended a touchy Facebook user; and a UK journalist discovered there are Twitter accounts worse than "rapist killer." The Twitterati battled a crazy world.

Demi Moore turns 47 today. Leonardo DiCaprio is turning 35. Calista Flockhart is 45. Senator Barbara Boxer of California is turning 69. Stanley Tucci is 49. Jane Pratt, the founder of Sassy and Jane, is 47. Will & Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick is turning 44. Writer Mary Gaitskill is turning 55. Comedian and actor Jonathan Winters is 84. Interior designer Mariette Himes-Gomez is 67. Jessica Sierra, the American Idol contestant-turned-Celebrity Rehab patient, is 24. And Carson Kressley celebrates his 40th birthday today.

Russell Brand's house is for sale (so he can move in with Katy Perry?), Pam Anderson pulls a Blanche DuBois, and Robert Pattinson has poor hygiene. Welcome to Tuesday's gossip.

[Demi Moore puts Ashton Kutcher on purse duty while while arriving at the GQ Gentlemen's Ball at the Edison Ballroom in New York last night. Image via INF]

• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler went to Soho House on a date on Tuesday night. Then again, the duo had to be "chaperoned" by friends including Simpson's BFF/hair stylist Ken Paves, which hardly sounds very romantic, does it? [P6]
• It may be over for the most famous lesbian couple in America, Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter. Rosie acknowledges the two are having "issues" and says they're trying to work things out. But Carpenter may have already moved out of the home they share in Nyack, which probably isn't a good sign. [People]
• Jill Zarin has no manners. When the "Real Housewife" appeared at the opening of "Memphis" on Broadway the other night, she arrived 30 minutes late and with an entourage in tow and disrupted audience members when they moved into their seats. Then she blabbed for 15 minutes during the show. [P6]

• Lindsay Lohan is having another bad week. At the Whitney Museum of Art Gala last night, the "jelly-legged actress" had to hold on to a fence for "dear life" as she "stumbled out of the glitzy bash." But Mischa Barton was looking surprisingly put together, so that's good news, right? [Daily Mail, Sun]
• It's been a few years since Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi split up, but the author is still obsessed with his ex-wife and talks about her "day and night," says Rushdie's most recent girlfriend, Broadway actress Pia Glenn. She also says Rushdie broke things off with her via email and may have been just using her for sex. [P6]
• Ali Wise, the socialite/ex-Dolce & Gabbana publicist who appeared in court yesterday on charges she hacked into a rival's phone, won't have to mount her defense until January. But there are four women now claiming Wise broke into their voicemail accounts now, not just one. [NYDN]

The internet campaign started at Twacy.org to get 30 Rock funnyman Morgan to open a Twitter account may just be an innovative way to market a website that looks like Gawker Stalker, but that doesn't mean it's any less brilliant.

Today, Elizabeth Taylor twittered that she was entering the hospital for some experimental heart surgery. That one of the last bastion of old Hollywood superstardom made the announcement on Twitter makes us face some harsh realities.

Sienna Miller walking her dog ... Rihanna getting out of an SUV ... Will Ferrell jogging near Union Square ... Matt Damon filming scenes for The Adjustment Bureau with Anthony Mackie in Brooklyn ... Paul Simon walking on Madison Avenue ... Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore leaving their hotel ... Kevin Bacon walking on 14th Street ... Bruce Willis arriving at ABC for an appearance on GMA ... Calvin Klein eating lunch outside at Sant Ambroeus in the Village ... Angie Harmon carrying her daughter on Madison Avenue ... and John Mayer leaving Gemma on the Bowery after having dinner.

• Ivanka Trump has a set a date for her wedding to real estate scion Jared Kushner. It will go down on October 25 at—where else?—the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, NJ. Mark your calendars! [P6]
• Emma Watson is doing her best to "blend in" now that she's a freshman at Brown. Which is a little hard to do when you have the paparazzi tracking your every move on campus, clearly. [NYDN]
• The Olsen twins will be bartending this evening at Barneys as part of the festivities planned for Fashion's Night Out. So Mary-Kate must have just been training the other night when she was spotted "chain-smoking and throwing back shots." [P6]
• Ellen DeGeneres has been tapped to replace Paula Abdul as a judge on the ninth season of American Idol. [E!]

Demi Moore won't respond to the British Prime Minister's wife. Victoria Beckham won't respond to questions about her tits. And Hugh Hefner doesn't respond well to his wife's infidelity. Oh, yes, it's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

Lindsay Lohan's vagina makes a surprisingly discreet reappearance, Michael Jackson's good for real estate, Perez Hilton lied to Tyra and Lady Gaga talks blow.

Jennifer Aniston: now eliciting tabloid sympathy. Scott Rudin: still a dick, but a funny one who hates his mother. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart: prisoners of the vampire kingdom, which needs to go. Winehouse: mess-y. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup: