Naomi Watts leaving the Smile Cafe on Bond Street ... ... Hugh Jackman walking downtown ... Miley Cyrus leaving Bergdorf Goodman through the back door ... Sienna Miller coming home from the gym and later walking her dog in SoHo ... Elijah Wood getting lunch at The Market & Cafe in Greenport, New York ... Levi Johnston leaving the Portofino Tanning Salon on the Upper West Side ... Derek Jeter filming scenes for The Other Guys at Nathan's on Coney Island ... Chris Brown arriving at the studios of Wendy Williams Show in Midtown ... and Liev Schreiber carrying a cup of coffee in SoHo.

• In what may be the weirdest celebrity extortion attempt ever, a German male model named Edis Kayalar has been arrested for trying to blackmail Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber with a "sexy" photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter "in revealing clothing, bound to a chair and gagged." Apparently, the pic had been taking by the girl's former babysitter during an innocent game of cops and robbers and she used to date Kayalar. [NYDN, People]
• All those phone calls that Michael Lohan recorded may ultimately land him in jail (again). A 2005 protective order obtained by Dina Lohan banned him from communicating with her by email or phone until 2011. [TMZ]
• Spend enough time on Twitter and you, too, may find yourself dating a beautiful young starlet! Emmy Rossum says her relationship with Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz "began with a Tweet," believe it or not. [People]

The supposedly magical ladyparts of Kate Hudson and Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly are being credited for their respective boyfriends'—Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter—awe-inspiring post-season performance. Here's hoping Ms. Kelly doesn't get jealous of Jeter's new girlfriend.

Jon and Kate Gosselin completely suck at life. Michael Jackson was weird on The Simpsons. Weird! Weirdos will get off on Marge Simpson in Playboy. Carrey Mulligan? Emmy Rossum! Pervy Dr. Phil, many more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Celebrating Yankee hero Derek Jeter's record-breaking hit last Friday in the family suite: His parents, sister, girlfriend, and...Fox & Friends blondebot Gretchen Carlson. She's married to Jeter's agent. God. Lou Gehrig is crying, from heaven. [Click to enlarge. Thanks, W!]

• Mischa Barton didn't get involuntarily committed to the psychiatric wing of Cedars-Sinai last month because she had a meltdown. Or a drug problem. She says it was because she had her wisdom teeth removed. Sounds plausible! [TONY]
• Speaking of lame excuses, remember how Jeremy Piven said he had to drop out of Speed the Plow because he had mercury poisoning? An arbitrator bought the story, apparently, because he ruled in his favor, dismissing charges filed against him by producers of the show. [NYP]
• Minka Kelly's rep is shooting down rumors that she's planning a fall wedding to Derek Jeter. [NYDN]

• Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly "secretly engaged" and planning to get married this fall? That's what an "insider" is now telling Page Six, for what it's worth. [P6]
• Parker Posey has bowed out of an off-Broadway play, but sushi doesn't appear to be the culprit: Parker has been diagnosed with lime disease, according to people involved with the show. [NYP]
• Redmond O'Neal, the troubled son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal, plans to star in his own reality show once he's released from prison. He says he's only doing it to "honor his mother," but then again you probably knew that. [NYDN]
• The police released video footage yesterday of the robbers breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house last weekend. If you spot anyone familiar, feel free to call the cops. Or congratulate them. Or whatever. [NYP]

Lindsay Lohan wants a reality show. So does Redmond O'Neal. Meanwhile, Derek Jeter may be getting a dose of married life, and Avril Lavigne may soon be a single gal. All that and way more in your Thursday Gossip Roundup...

A Kate Hudson/Minka Kelly catfight is brewing, Matt Damon gets fat, Mary-Kate and Ashley double date, Kourtney Kardashian gets knocked up, Sienna Miller takes the "Slinky Wizard" home, Seth MacFarland says Stewie is gay and Jaime Pressly pees in public.

• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and their boyfriends, Nate Lowman and Justin Bartha, had super evening out the other night. It involved steak, making out, tickling, and "chain-smoking cigarettes until after 4am." [P6]
• Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez aren't on the friendliest terms these days. Now things have turned frosty between their respective girlfriends, Minka Kelly and Kate Hudson. [P6]
• Heidi Pratt appears in the new issue of Playboy. But you won't find any nude pics of her in the magazine. She says she won't strip down completely until after she has a few "upgrades" performed by her plastic surgeon. [Us]
• Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. So who's the father? Either she's not saying because she plans to use the news to gin up ratings for her crappy reality show, or becaue she doesn't know herself. One or the other. [E!]

• Madonna is taking her kids on the best summer vacation ever later this month: She's thinking about taking them to visit Auschwitz, so "they can learn about mistakes made in the past." If that doesn't pan out, she could always just invite Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie over for a visit and teach them the same lesson, couldn't she? [YNET]
• Paula Abdul announced over Twitter last night that she's leaving American Idol. True? Was she just drinking again? We'll find out soon enough. [NYDN]
• Hopeless romantic Kelly Bensimon made a move on Gerard Butler the other night, but the actor didn't reciprocate. Try your best to empathize. [NYDN]
• Great news: Ratings for Jon & Kate Plus 8 have tanked since the show came back from hiatus. Say a little prayer that this continues. [Us]
• Nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards were announced yesterday; Beyoncé and Lady Gaga came out on top, each earning nine nods. [THR]

• Despite what you may have read in the tabloids the past few weeks, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are not splitting up and remain truly, deeply, madly in love. So if you've spent sleepless nights worrying about that, hopefully Jolie's publicist's soothing words will finally put your mind at ease. [Us]
• Speaking of Angie, Forbes has named her the most powerful celebrity on the planet, so she's got that going for her, which is nice. [Forbes]
• And speaking of Brad, you may be interested to know what his "secret" is to avoiding odors when he's on the set of a movie and doesn't have time to shower: baby wipes, apparently. It's also a slow news day, apparently. [NYDN]
• Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin have called off their engagement. [Us]

• Tyra Banks took the stand to testify against accused stalker Brady Green yesterday and explained how she's had to hire a bodyguard and driver as a result of the incident. She also said she's no longer jogging outside and has been forced to hire a personal trainer, but we're pretty sure she had one of those long before Green came along. [NYDN, NYP]
• After 13 years of marriage, Sean Penn has filed for legal separation from wife Robin, news that may not come as a huge surprise given his long list of rumored paramours, including Petra Nemcova, Helena Christensen, Ines Misan, Naomi Campbell and Natalie Portman. [P6, People, Extra]
• Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts' son, Sasha, was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday night for respiratory issues. [People]
• Madonna supposedly wants a summer house in the Hamptons. But she can't find a place willing to put up with her horse-related demands. [P6]
• Meanwhile, baby Mercy's 24-year-old father is demanding full custody of his daughter, since Madonna lacks "good morals." [NYP]

• Is Heidi Klum pregnant with her fourth kid? That appears to be the case, since sketches of a gown she's planning to wear in a future Project Runway episode have made "room for a bump." [MSNBC]
• Are you a disgraced sports star or politician? Congrats: You're getting a reality TV show! Rod Blagojevich has signed on to appear in NBC's I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here, assuming a judge lets him go to Costa Rica for the taping. Meanwhile, Michael Vick is reportedly in talks to create a reality show of his own, one that will document his attempts to "make amends for his past." Your turn, Spitzer! [THR, NYP, THR]
• Looks like Barbara Bush and boyfriend Jay Blount won't be tying the knot in Kennebunkport this summer after all. And here we were hoping for both a Bush and Clinton family wedding the same month. [People]
• Dina Lohan was spotted dropping Lindsay off outside a club in LA on Monday night. Because, clearly, that's what good mothers do. [OK!, TMZ]
• That big Michael Jackson memorabilia auction? It ain't happening. [Reuters]

• Things aren't looking up for Damon Dash. He's lost a fortune recently and is buried under a mountain of debt. Now it looks like he's losing his wife, too: Rachel Roy just slapped the hip hop mogul with divorce papers. [NYDN]
• David Letterman and his longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko got married last week. [NYP, Us]
• Courtenay Semel, daughter of media mogul Terry Semel and occasional girlfriend of Casey Johnson, has checked into rehab. [P6]
• The real reason behind Jen Aniston and John Mayer's split? Jen was supposedly sick of his "obsession" with Twitter. Naturally. [Sun, Telegraph]

• After a handful of false alarms (and after claiming they were weren't even engaged) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen finally got married yesterday, tying the knot in a small ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica. [Us, People]
• It looks like Jeremy Piven won't be penalized for walking away from Speed-the-Plow, since officials from Actors' Equity and the Broadway League couldn't come to a consensus at his hearing yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support until their daughters turn 19. [People]
• Derek Jeter is supposedly dating a 22-year-old FIT student. Given she enjoys playing his voicemails for her group of friends, you probably shouldn't expect the relationship to last very long. [NYDN]

Tough love: Nadya Suleman's mom denied her babysitting services; Christian Bale's tantrums get one celebrity hot and Mr. T has a message for unemployed pansies.

• Both Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman have active cases of herpes, reports Page Six, something you should probably keep in mind in the event either woman tries to plant a kiss on you. [P6]
• William H. Macy will take over for Jeremy Piven in Speed-the-Plow now that the Pivster has overdosed on sushi and will need to take time off to cleanse his sacred temple from mercury. [NYP]
• Marci Klein, SNL producer and daughter of Calvin, is calling it quits with her husband of eight years, Scott Murphy. [P6]

♦ In his new book, Alec Baldwin goes off on TMZ's Harvey Levin, and says that the fallout from his infamously leaked voicemail made him want to commit suicide. [R&M]
♦ Barbra Streisand sang four songs at an Obama fundraiser last night. Attendees included Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen. [Fox News]
♦ Anne Hathaway acted like a bit of a diva at an event in Toronto. She also smokes, which her publicist doesn't want you to know. [OK!, R&M]
♦ Sarah Palin's "secretive circle of stylists" dressed her in a $2,500 Valentino jacket for her big speech at the Republican convention. [P6]
♦ Bad news: Hugh Hefner says all three of the Girls Next Door are getting spinoffs. [E!]
♦ Even worse news: Heidi Montag and her sister Holly are "developing a top-secret project" together. [LAT]

Peyton Manning, Derek Jeter and LeBron James today announced they've joined an $8.6 million funding round for social network Weplay. Weplay isn't going to work out — vertical social networks are so 2007 — but at least the sports-star troika can take heart in knowing they're following the same path as other fading jock stars. A bubble ago, John Elway, Michael Jordan, and Mike Piazza also let slick schemers take advantage of their egos and cash, funneling them into ill-thought-out, poorly timed investments on the Web. Our three favorite athlete-startup bloopers, below.