Another notable addition to the Diablo Files: Showtime has picked up The United States of Tara, ordering 12 episodes of the Steven Spielberg-produced comedy. If only there were some way to know what Diablo was thinking at this very moment—some live-feed into her brain that updates on the ones. Wait a second—there is! Sadly, however, she hasn't updated her Twitter account since Sunday, leaving us to approximate in 140 characters or less what her thoughts on this exciting development might be: "Salutations, Twit-hos! I'm now a TV show creator! That calls for raping a Krispy Kreme, methinks." [THR]

The Steven Spielberg-produced, Diablo Cody-written pilot The United States of Tara, about a woman (played by Toni Collette) with multiple-personality disorder, has just been greenlit by Showtime. Hey blogger-bots, that Crazy Cassie has mondo mood McFlurries, if you get my word Windex.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Pictured, tropical-bird-whisperer and Transformers star Megan Fox on the set of Jennifer's Body, the Diablo Cody-penned, super-kinetic Raimian horror film currently shooting in Vancouver. Wet, trembling, and with only two flesh-colored pasties (nothing to do with modesty, but actually a scripted wink to Cody's vocational past) preventing the full scope of her goodies from being on glorious display, it seems as though Fox, playing the film's bloodthirsty cheerleader protagonist, has mastered the "body" half of the title's equation. All that's left now is for her to tackle the tricky cadences of Cody's trademarked, Academy Award-winning dialogue, at which point the full of impact of lines like "Fried bologna is the bomb!" and "Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped," will earn the actress the Saturn nominations that have so eluded her until now.

Like an Iconoclasts that thanks you for the add, MySpaceTV's Artist on Artist pits star vs. star in a Battle Royale of Big Ideas and Mutual Tucheslecking. The only loser? You! See if you can pin the following quotes from Diablo Cody and John Cusack's recent Artist on Artist pairing to the appropriate speaker. To heighten the difficulty level a bit, we've also thrown in a few quotes from beloved TV landscape artist, Bob Ross:

The best way to use Twitter is to text "off" to 40404, the service's SMS shortcut number. But failing that, as more and more of us seem to do, here's a list of 10 things Twitter users should not do, inspired by a set of tips at SheGeeks.net. Mostly, since annoying Twitter users are easy to ignore, these rules are for your own safety and sanity. Ignore them at your peril.

An overzealous movie executive loudly and boldly proclaimed that Academy Award winning Twitterer Diablo Cody would get a tattoo of his name on her arm after just one night with him. The executive said it's a sure thing, kinda like greenlighting a script put together from scraps of paper found in Judd Apatow's recycle bin. The executive said, "She might be an extremely in demand and popular writer, but she's a stripper at heart. And you know what they say about strippers, right? Once a stripper, always a stripper! BOOOSSSSH!" Then the executive proceed to bump elbows with the nearest man.

Following in the footsteps of Academy Award winner Diablo Cody, actress Sharon Stone has begun to mobile blog her daily activities via accounts on Tumblr and Twitter. Stone recently discovered in recent years that the internet had become a lucrative medium and decided it was finally time to become apart of the scene. However, Stone added that she thought that it might be a tad too much if she starts a Vimeo account to post some videos of her Ellen DeGeneres and Hilary Clinton impressions.

Somebody tell Biz Stone and Evan Williams to get the zin and gruyere ready, because here comes the NPR set. This American Life host Ira Glass and Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody just joined Twitter. Glass's first reports need more dramatic music: "I already have 4 followers and I haven't told a soul that I've created a twitter account. This is fun!" Cody seems more comfortable. " My Dog is Currently: showing a dehydrated cow penis who's boss," she writes. Meanwhile, Hitwise reports that Twitter ranked #439 among social networks and forums last week, and #4,309 among all websites. So, despite growing eightfold in the last year, the site remains quite small. Expect it to remain so. That is, until it's featured on Things White People Like.

Screenwriter Diablo Cody fed fameball Julia Allison into her non-stop Gatling gun of pop-culture references, giving the Star editor-at-large a shout-out on Cody's Twitter stream. When Oscar-winner Cody is dropping your name for cultural credibility the way she drops the word "blog," or "jello," or references to newspaper cartoon character Calvin, you've come out, in some small, horrifying way, a winner. Radar's Alex Balk is, of course, thrilled. [Diablo Cody]

For groupies for whom semi-regular MySpace blogspot postings offer not nearly a wide enough window inside the constantly churning, impossibly creative mind of Diablo Cody, exciting news indeed: the Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter and former Lady of the Pole™ has started a Twitter account! In just a little over a month, her follower fanbase has ballooned to 68 and counting, inspiring the most recent update, "Now that all these folks are following me, I'm tempted to be super obscene."

While running through LAX yesterday, temperamental star Jake Gyllenhaal made a call to both his manager and agent to complain about the size of the airport. Gyllenhaal felt that the airport was too big and that more airports should have a downhome feel like John Wayne does. Gyllenhaal then complained that the security officer who helped the actor through the airport spent too much time asking him how his flight was and not enough fending off the paparazzi. Gyllenhaal then demanded that his agents set up a meeting with Diablo Cody, mainly because he wanted to see how long it would take for him to get her naked. Gyllenhaal then paused for a moment to catch his breath and, when he did, he finally came to his senses and fell directly to the floor. Once on the floor, Gyllenhaal rested in a fetal position and whispered into his phone: "I can't do work with David O. Russell anymore. I can't. I want Fincher back. I want to do take after take for ten hours straight."

What did we learn about our favorite celebrities this week? Glad you asked!
· Katie Holmes: She got sheared (next up, tannis root?) and, when it comes to meals, she's half a person.
· George Clooney: He's a late night charmer (possibly in more ways than one) but fussy when it comes to being credited.
· Jessica Simpson: She was hospitalized for having too much sex (allegedly).
· David Letterman: Doesn't mind giving audiences his sloppy seconds.
· Harvey Levin: Was an idealistic young rabble rouser and a foul-mouthed C-Word dropper.
· Dan Waters: He proved the old maxim that writers are best heard and not seen.
· Lara Flynn Boyle: Her jowls are melting (and not in a good way).
· Jennifer Aniston: She taught us that the best way to assure that your roles don't begin drying up is to form your own production company. Also, is possibly schtupping Orlando Bloom.
· Diablo Cody: Isn't just a screenwriter, she's also a songwriter!
· Ben Stiller: Is vain enough to dye his hair.
· Brangelina: Had difficulty containing the hostilities between their multicultural brood.
· The Real World Cast: They're all older but by no means wiser.
· Katherine Heigl: Wants a baby whether or not her "rocker" hubby Joshua is ready, thinks gay men want her. Also, not opposed to wearing hideous jackets in public.

Just in time for the opening of his new film Sex and Death 101, writer-director and comb-overed Avatar of Disillusionment Daniel Waters offers viewers a not-quite-rollicking video tour of his famous home. After Wednesday's mopey LA Times profile, we frankly expected a livelier plunge into the self-effacement and irony only the screenwriter of Hudson Hawk could muster. Alas, as now immortalized on YouTube, Waters' enclave bears the unique distinction of being the house where A) Orson Welles died and B) viral marketing goes to die. Also: When Woody Allen is done suing the spandex pants off American Apparel for unauthorized use of his likeness in ads, we suspect he'll be coming after Waters for the same. [YouTube]

Oh cruel fate, to learn today that Ellen Page was one deleted musical scene away from certain Oscar victory. Thankfully, the kind people at Amazon have righted the sitch (man, we're getting Diablo'd just thinking about it), offering the Cafe Triste "Jub Jub" (not to be confused with the Ewok's "Yub Nub") song as a sneak peek at Juno's DVD special content.

In a moment so genuinely awkward that adorably awkward Michael Cera looks almost uncomfortably awkward living it, our knocked-up heroine sings the grrl power anthem about baby batter, dances, and tic tacs to an empty coffeehouse. Watch and we think you'll agree: had the Academy gotten their hands on this one, we would have been treated to a deadpan Page acceptance speech (did she mean there are truly angels in this city, or was that ironic?) and an unearthed interview on her refusal to believe in the Teapot Dome scandal.

All through college I loved writing short stories. But because I am a cad, when I found out how unprofitable the medium was I switched to blogging and TV scripts. Turns out there's still one way to market a short story: Pack it with references. Not thought-out T.S. Eliot ones, but marginal-pop-culture ones. Your story doesn't have to be good if it's about Vampire Weekend, the Tipping Point and Twitter.

It seems that Heathers writer Daniel Waters is shoring up his cult following in the wake of Diablo Cody, Brad Ingelsby and newly crowned "it" scribe Tollbooth Guy. In a Los Angeles Times profile hailing his return, Waters digs deep and delivers the johnny-come-latelies a clear message: just because you wrote Hudson Hawk and Demolition Man, it doesn't mean you're not certifiably out-there. Defamer breaks down the methods of his madness, below (but be warned — only a person with the exact right balance of self-worth and self-loathing should attempt such a feat at home).

Having flirted with dangerous levels of underexposure since winning her Best Screenplay Oscar a little over a month ago, Diablo Cody is back with a double-barreled blast of creative miracles. First up, The Hollywood Reporter notes that Cody's long-rumored comedy series The United States of Tara — starring Toni Collette as the title character afflicted with multiple personalities — is nearing a full-season order from Showtime. We can handle this without much difficulty — and by "handle" we mean "believe," because the second project has the calendar-conscious skeptic in us praying for an April Fool's Day revelation:

Haven't you heard? Stripping is back en vogue again (again)! Partly thanks to Ms. Busey-Hunt herself, the IdolStripperGate nonsense, and all those former strippers blogging away in support of the feminist cause that is taking your clothes off for money, our slideshow-happy friends at Us Magazine have dredged up the secret pasts of some other former private dancers. And though some may not surprise you (Courtney Love? NO! WAY!), there are also some Hollywood A-listers on their list. Find out after the jump which three Oscar nominees have, at one time or another, had to pull crumpled George Washingtons from their crotches after a long night of hustling.

When Ellen Page strutted onto the stage of Studio 8H to deliver her monologue on this week's episode of SNL dressed like one of the Sweathogs, we didn't pay it much mind. With the benefit of hindsight (and after having seen this skit), maybe our eyebrows should have risen ever so slightly. But, at the time, we were too busy enjoying Andy Samberg's impression of Diablo Cody to wonder about the Ellen Page Sexuality Sweepstakes. While all you bloggers and froggers out there will likely concur that his Diablo didn't quite reach the level of the Diablo impersonator in the Funny Or Die video, we did love the calvacade of blog references that he managed to mix into his impression. The video, along with a complete list of all of the blog-related catchphrases in the making follows after the jump: