A transsexual woman explains Kelly Osbourne's Twitter freak-out: Luke was in love with a woman with a penis. Rob Pattinson calls his own naked image "very pretty." Diddy hits the sauce. Monday gossip is full of surprises.

Russell Brand is in trouble! Marc Anthony is in debt! Brad Pitt is in the hospital! (Not for anything serious... unless you consider charity serious, which I do.) Friday's gossip is ringing in the new year!

Mayer whispers dirty nothings into a strange female's ear. Jennifer Aniston has a 20-foot no-touch zone. Taylor Momsen is a Parisian style icon. Lindsay Lohan sips Shirley Temples. Thursday gossip is sexual napalm.

Things got a little sloppy on last night's Chelsea Lately when Diddy showed up late and drunk, and Chelsea wasn't happy. But, she was seemingly soothed by Diddy's relentless advances toward her, to which she seemed somewhat receptive.

[Diddy really wear that t-shirt? It simply can't P.! When it Combs to love, Sean puffs profanities. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Even from rehab, Demi competes with Miley for the Disney Girls Gone Wild crown. Britney's creepy ex might be stalking Lindsay. Natalie Portman might hate Mila Kunis. Diddy's burning woman must cut off her hair. TGIFriday gossip.

The scene: A luxe party at a Manhattan penthouse. Diddy hosts and livestreams video of his beautiful guests, like a model cavorting in a hot tub, surrounded by candles, one increasingly large flame—ohmigod! She's on fire! Everyone panic!

All seemed totally normal during Diddy's Ustream party last night, just a couple of guys hanging with some chicks in a hot tub. Then, things got a little crazy when a candle ignited a woman's hair.

Today's interview with Sean "Diddy" Combs provided for some interesting and cringe-worthy moments. First, the audience couldn't help but laugh at Barbara's pronunciation, and later she grilled him about the mothers of his six children and why he's not married.

For some reason, Vogue editor Anna Wintour will be contributing a verse to Diddy's forthcoming album, "Last Train to Paris." This sounds like the worst fashionista-rapper collaboration since Vera Wang let Ghostface Killah design her fall 2004 line.

A design firm tweets that Diddy clothing line Sean John stole a design they made for a symposium at the Yale School of Architecture. That's what you get for demonstrating your cool design skills with the word "Seduction."

Gisele singlehandedly keeps a party alive by whispering sweet nothings. Britney's conservatorship is phasing out. Kelly Osbourne sees herself in a bikini and cries. John Oliver gets engaged. Monday gossip is impervious to seduction.

This is just plain odd. Here's a clip from Joaquin Phoenix's I'm Still Here, featuring Phoenix visiting Sean "Diddy" Combs to discuss a record project. Friendly introductory chatter quickly turns to contentious, profanity-filled awkwardness as Combs lectures Phoenix about money.

[A shifty-eyed Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and Russian Orthodox Patriarch Kirill keep dry during a blessing ceremony in Moscow today. Image via AP]

Politico's muckrakers have filed a disturbing report on illicit Obama administration Twitter activity: whoever set up the White House's new health care account "favorited" some P. Diddy tweets, one of which mentioned vodka! How completely will this ruin Obama's presidency?

Diddy stopped by Nightline recently to interview with the comically earnest Martin Bashir. Together, they dig into the hard hitting issues, including Diddy dog food, the definition of mind-f*cking, and the appropriateness of Diddy buying his son a Maybach.

Lindsay's alcohol education deadline is up, and she's three classes behind and in Cannes. The Jonas Brothers get trapped in an elevator and escape only because they are thin. Courtney Love had sex with Kate Moss. Thursday's gossip has arrived.

Diddy made this trailer video for his forthcoming blog, proving it will be as big as Martin Luther King Jr. plus Barack Obama plus the 9/11 firefighters plus the troops, minus Will Smith. The most inspirational anything ever, in fact.

Every day, celebrities are sweating on the treadmill in your gyms, hogging tables in your restaurants, and shopping in your stores. This week in #stalker sightings: Jimmy Fallon, Susan Sarandon, Michael C. Hall, and LaToya Jackson.

This urgent press release entered our mailbox not long ago, and we pass it on to you as an example of what the English language is capable of, in the right hands. Diddy, all we can say to you is: pee pee in your mouth.