An oceanographer from the National Center for Atmospheric Research says oil from the ongoing Gulf of Mexico spill will reach the Atlantic by October at the latest. [Wired; image via Getty]

Scientists are studying the carcass of a 25-foot "sub-adult" sperm whale found in the Gulf of Mexico to see if it's oil spill-related. We all knew local wildlife would be devastated, but who knew it would all happen so fast?

Here's a very brief teaser trailer for the upcoming live-action/animation hybrid movie The Smurfs, based on the totally smurfy cartoon series from 198smurf. It mostly stars Michael Musto and looks... well, appropriately dated.

[BP executives will meet President Obama today, after a nationally televised scolding and news that 60,000 barrels of crude are being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico every day. Image via Getty]

Kathy Myers, a 41-year-old woman from the broke-ass wasteland known commonly as Michigan, recently shot herself in the shoulder hoping that emergency doctors would also have to fix a different shoulder injury while they were working on her. They didn't.

After the world collectively shrieked with horror at two-year-old smoking baby Ardi Rizal, the parents of this three-year-old Chinese tot thought to themselves, "Hey, we've got a smoking baby. Ours is a boozehound, too." Self-destructing babies: Your ticket to fame.

This oil spill thing has people heated! And BP CEO Tony Hayward… what a dickhead. Oh, but remember Goldman Sachs? That filthy rich, monolithic investment banking monster that basically destroyed the global economy? Yeah. Who do you hate more?

When the oil spill hit, Florida ran ads assuring tourists that "Our Coast Is Clear." The ad's now been amended: There are "plenty of places" in Florida not soaking in toxic oil. Your chances are still good! [Adfreak]

After yesterday's robotic buzz saw failure, and America's reluctance to use nukes on the well, BP is turning to a huge pair of shears to cut the leaky pipe in the Gulf. December isn't too far off, right? [AP, pic]

The oil leak in the Gulf could continue until Christmas, some analysts are now suggesting.

The floating oil in the Gulf of Mexico is now about seven miles from the beaches of Pensacola, Florida. Officials say it's "inevitable" the oil will hit the Florida panhandle beaches soon. Across the state, unity was the day's theme.

After pondering the perfectly cylindrical sinkhole caused by heavy rainfall in Guatemala City, meteorologist, Jacqui Jeras confirmed its authenticity, then ended the segment with suspicions about underground construction. Is she hinting at a government conspiracy? Who's really behind this? Aliens?

A BP official told NBC's Today show that the top kill method is "proceeding pretty well," but that it could be two days before we know if it worked. But rest easy, America, because Pat Campbell always wins. [MSNBC, Getty]

This summer should bring an "active to extremely active" hurricane season, with up to 14 storms. This will help disperse the oil slick, but hurricanes are "potentially far more hazardous to the population than leaking oil." You can't win! [WaPo]

The Republicans really want to win some House seats in November and are desperate to try anything to make that dream a reality. Desperate enough to create a new, hip crowdsourcing website where real Americans can submit policy suggestions. Yikes.

Two years ago, internet entrepreneur Jason Calacanis quit blogging to escape angry commenters. Instead, he would publish only by email. He's since become a case study in how not to use the medium.

Meet Ardi Rizal, a two-year-old Sumatran baby who smokes some forty cigarettes a day. The government has offered to buy his parents a car if he stops, but they claim he gets too angry without smokes. Plus, he looks fine!

BP's oil isn't leaking "four or fives times" faster than everyone thought—at a rate of 4 million gallons per day, it's twenty times worse than BP thought. And the chemical they're using to "disperse" it is toxic, too.

Remember the "loop current" that threatened to pull the oil spill over to Florida and up the East Coast? It might be working. Park Rangers at Fort Zachary Taylor State Park found 20 tarballs on the beach yesterday. [PBP, Getty]

Oil has been pouring into the Gulf of Mexico for weeks, and nobody seems to know how to stop it. Here is a long list of methods that have been floated for how to stop the plague of oil.