From the Disasters Department: Amy Winehouse has impetigo, a flesh-eating disease. OK, not really. But it's very contagious and she needs to be very, very careful lest she get boils all over her body like some sort of Biblical plague. [Showbiz Spy]

Supermodel and humanitarian Naomi Campbell was admitted to a hospital in Brazil last night due to some mysterious ailment. It's reported that she's being attended to by an infectious diseases specialist and a gynecologist. Oh my! When she's better Naomi is totally going to toss her publicist out a window. [AP] You commenters must be medical professionals! What could this strange disease be? (We don't think it's just cysts, like is claimed.)

Ahhhh! Hepatitis!!! You definitely have it if you're a famous person (like Lucy Liu or Demi Moore or Kate Hudson or Bruce Willis) who went to Ashton Kutcher's birthday party at downtown (that's the cool part!) Manhattan clurrrb Socialista. A bartender, hilariously and appropriately named Leif, was recently diagnosed with a "raging" (as the medical professionals at the Post are calling it) case of Hepatitis A, a disease that promises symptoms like diarrhea and jaundice. Jaundice? In Ashton's beautiful, murky eyes? This is worse than AIDS and Spanish Flu COMBINED. Spanish AIDS! [P6]

A bit of random news from Boston: a rare case of measles was found in the Back Bay area, and an employee of the Christian Science Church was found to be exposed or infected. The Boston Public Health Commission is now asking every member of the church for proof of immunization, but, you know, Christian Scientists don't really "do" doctors or vaccines.

• Lindsay Lohan admits to having an asscrack double on Saturday Night Live. Is nothing real anymore? Is nothing sacred? [Defamer]
• You know, we don't get fantasy sports leagues. Dudes check that shit every three minutes, and we don't have the heart to tell them that it's not real. But a fantasy celebrity league? That's about as real as it gets. [ESPN]
• Blogfight, resolved: Michael Malice runs back to Overheard in NY. [NY Overheard]
• Rebecca Traister spends way too much time figuring out why college boys are having erectile dyfunction problems. We have the answer in two words: coke cock. [Broadsheet]
• Abercrombie & Fitch will do just about anything to lure the Gays. [Consumerist]
• Oh, happy day: it's a socialite blog! Meet Melissa C. Morris, who has no problem marrying a man called Chappy. [Melissa C. Morris]
• One in seven of New York's east Asian immigrants is carrying Hepatitis B. Just something to think about when you start flirting with the locals at Winnie's. [NYT]