Casually xenophobic British ultra-nationalist Morrissey was bitten by a dog of unknown origin and — holy shit — he cracked a bone in his finger! Sycophants across the world are understandably worried about him but, according to True To You, his current tour will not be affected:

After reading this weird news story, you will never have to read another weird news story ever again. It has everything: an insane premise, crazy people, crushing irony, sex, crime, and sex crime. It seems an Irish woman died after an allergic reaction to a dog—a dog she had sex with. Yes. Really.

As if it weren't enough to ruin driving, drunks have now ruined puppies. DNAInfo reports on the West Village's drunk puppy buying epidemic:

A student attending Michigan State's College of Osteopathic Medicine was charged with 13 felonies and one misdemeanor in connection with the killing, mutilating, or torturing dogs — Italian Greyhounds, to be precise.

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors might ban sales of all pets, including fish, reptiles, rats, birds, dogs and cats. Selling live animals to kill and eat would still be legal. Naturally.

An apartment complex in New Hampshire has found a way to crack down on residents who don't pick up their dog's shit: Owners must submit pets' DNA samples, while rogue shit piles are cross-checked with testing kits. It works!

Yoda, a 14-year-old Chinese-crested Chihuahua mix, is officially the World's Ugliest Dog this year, beating out last year's winner Princess Abby for the title at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. Yoda's owner, Nicole Schumacher, found her in an alleyway, believing at first she had stumbled upon a rat. [all images via AP]

Border collies are known for their innate ability to herd sheep—in many cases, they're bred specifically for that purpose. Which is why this video of a four-year-old border collie named Ci, whose owner calls him "the worst sheepdog in Britain" since he's afraid of sheep, is so funny/sad. But mostly funny. [Telegraph via Fark]

A Chicago landlord called the cops on Sunday after investigating a leak and stumbling upon one of his tenants, covered in blood. But he shouldn't have worried! The guy was just performing a little D.I.Y. surgery on his dog. In the nude.

It wasn't that long ago that Washington, DC was just a normal American city, featuring a small cocoon of privileged white wonks surrounded by a seething and forcefully ignored black population. Standard stuff. But then the city was gobsmacked with a "young, hip vibe" that is in the process of turning the drab and nerdy confines of our nation's capital into a wacky blend of hip archetypes, each of which is good for at least one new Washington Post feature story. I mean, anarchist dog-walkers? It doesn't get any hipper!

Trouble, the canine companion of embattled hotel magnate Leona Helmsley, has died at age 12. Trouble inherited $2 million (a judged decreased the award from the $12 million stipulated in Helmsley's will) when the infamous tax evader died in 2007. Trouble's remaining fortune will be diverted to the The Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust, and not to Helmsley's two grandchildren who she cut out of her will. His name wasn't Trouble for nothing!

It's a question every pet owner asks themselves at one point or other: How far would I go to save the life of my furry little friend? In the case of Steve Porter, an Australian whose closest companion was a four-year-old Jack Russell named Jessie (pictured), the answer is "pretty damn far."

Fish labeling! Dog drinking! Disease eradicating! Anorexia theorizing! Contaminated fishing! Radiation sexing! Distant-object spotting! Caffeine surviving! And whatever new thing they say about heart disease today! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—indiscriminately!

What on earth could be cuter than a pair of baby ligers (the product of a Manchurian tiger mother and African lion father)? What about... those ligers being raised by a dog, alongside two of her own pups? This particular adorable multispecies family hails from the Xixiakou Wildlife Zoo in Shangdong, China. Unfortunately, two other liger cubs died of malnutrition after being rejected by their mother, but their siblings are apparently on the road to health, thanks to their adoptive mother.

Shortly before thoroughbred horses stormed the track at the Kentucky Derby, a cavalcade of chihuahuas ran in Chandler, Arizona's annual Cinco de Mayo Festival and Chihuahua Races.

Poor sad millionairess Jennifer Aniston. The actress recently bought the Manhattan sky tomb of her saddest dreams, but couldn't quite muster the strength to be a, gulp, single independent lady and put her own name on the apartment.

They're calling Jack, a German Shepherd from Oregon, a "canine Houdini" for the amazing skill with which he broke out of the veterinary hospital where he was being treated for a severe and mysterious flu.

Animal Planet is launching the feline version of The Dog Whisperer, called My Cat from Hell. The differences between these two TV shows perfectly encapsulate the differences between dogs and cats.

The old cliche about dogs and mailmen is no myth. Dogs really do attack postal carriers — 2,863 of them last year alone. Ryan Bradford, a mailman from San Diego, has taken pictures of every growling, snarling, slobbering beast on his route. As Ryan explains, "The mailman/dog relationship is no lie. It's like they can smell it on you, a scent that triggers their hunting instinct." These encounters had to be pretty terrifying at the time, but — forgive me employees of the USPS — they're also kind of hilarious. [ryancbradford.com]

Are you one of the millions of people worldwide who count a dog, cat, ferret, or any manner of other non-human, eating-and-pooping creatures among your family members? If so, take note: You may want to reconsider the term "pet" when referring to them. An editorial in the Journal of Animal Ethics says that term, along with words like "critters" and "beasts," is derogatory language that can give your four-legged loved ones an inferiority complex.