Author Brendan Halpin wrote a post on his blog using the phrase "life-changing fiction," and soon received a missive from the desk of Christian/inspirational author and NYT bestseller Karen Kingsbury, who has trademarked the term. Now we're using it, and can't wait to receive our own copy of the cute lil' cease-and-desist order. Let's all use it on our blogs, actually. Nobody gets to own a phrase—sorry! (Click to read.)
Bloggers have been fighting the word "douchebag" for a while now, arguing that it's totally played out. Sometimes we use it anyway, because it's such a specific insult. Radar traces the history of the word, all the way back to Henry Miller. "Are they jerks? Maybe, but that doesn't cover the bow tie. Losers? Yes, but such a tepid term does a disservice to these guys' supreme, majestic lameness." [Radar]
Nightlife is an ugly business full of pretty people. The rules for 26-year-old clothing designer Matt Levine's new thirteen-table LES bar, the Eldridge, are simple. "Friends and family. That's basically what it is," he told Grub Street. There will be 400 laser-engraved cards distributed to the rights kinds of people, so they can definitely get in. There will be butlers and a "hospitality consultant" and someone to drive you home. It will be closed on weekends. I think we all can imagine what happened next: the comments on the interview have been raging since Monday, and it got even better when somebody claiming to possess one of these very special laser cards decided to step into the fray...
Sightings and anecdotes of creepy sexual compulsive/sexually aggressive dataholic Paul Janka are way funnier when written by a dude who could easily kick his ass. That's why we're pleased to bring you this very special Janka sighting from Cajun Boy, who spotted him in Madison Square Park, talking loudly into his cell. "You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds?" he asks, before qualifying Janka as a "cheesedick." Why, yes; yes we do. The overheard phrase that caught his attention? "Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..."
The irrationally cocky Russian guy from America's Most Smartest Model has had charges of harassment and sexual abuse dropped by the New York DA's office. Andre Birleanu was one of the dominant personalities of VH-1's America's Next Top Model, a show beloved by all who enjoy hilarity and/or masturbation. He managed to make it all the way to the finals but got beaten out by a blander, boringer, but still freakishly hot guy named VJ. Late last year a 19 year old actress alleged Birleanu grabbed her inappropriately and touched her genitalia at an industry party. A super-hot guy who has an overdeveloped sense of sexual entitlement? That just doesn't make any sense. Birleanu's reading of the situation was quite sensitive. "I didn't molest anyone... I already slept with that girl, so it's strange she would say I touched her inappropriately."
Dimitri the Lover may be an incredibly inept (if scary!) pickup artist, but it cannot be denied that he has an awesome website. One of the secrets of his awesome website is his expert use of Shockwave animation, mostly featuring big-breasted cartoon ladies. But because his site is on hiatus or something, you couldn't see all his great work. Until now!!! Because he left his "animation" directory open. Above, a still from one of his more mature works, "Dykes." (Link NSFW, probably?) [Dimitri the Lover]
Dimitri the Lover is a man with a seduction manual to sell. (Men with "seduction manuals" are the new twentysomething-girl "sex columnists"!) We introduced you to him yesterday, via his awesome "If you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested" voicemail. As the weekend is fast approaching—and because we're not afraid to be servicey—we've gone ahead and compiled a shortlist to some of the worst daters roaming the bars and streets, completely unfettered by shame.
Jeremy Abelson's dating events for Pocketchange NYC—such as a cougar-dating night and the infamous Fashion Meets Finance clusterfuck—double as publicity stunts and are always overrun with press. It works pretty well because 80% of us get all outraged by the idiocy of the idea, 10% actually attends the event, and the other 10% is press. Joshua Stein gets to know the hustler in Page Six magazine. Revelations? He calls his redheaded girlfriend "Big Red" and sometimes plays the character of the site's spokesman, a fictional and obnoxious WASP called "Richard Nouveau."
Thaddeus McCotter (R-Michigan) spent his time on the floor of the House of Representatives yesterday giving a little presentation called "How to Speak Democrat." For example, "progressive" means "regressive"! So witty! And the presentation (shown below) should in no way be seen as the sole thing McCotter has accomplished with his time while he only raised $8,500 of the nearly $1 million he's supposed to raise for the National Republican Congressional Committee.
In a famous scene from American Psycho, pathological investment banker Patrick Bateman shows off his new business card only to be trumped by a colleague's with gorgeously understated typography, raised letters and perfectly off-white stock. The book, made into a movie with Christian Bale, is a bible for psychopathic Wall Streeters. But Prescott Hahn-the fashionista-chasing self-styled hedge fund manager photographed by the New York Post at a douche-dating event-wasn't paying sufficiently close enough attention. We've obtained a copy of the business card he was handing out at this month's Fashion Meets Finance mixer: it exposes him as a conman, and an incompetent one at that!
"I wouldn't say I have a complete picture of the MBA ranking by female attractiveness," writes somebody calling themselves Markbot, on Business Week's online forum for business schools. However. "Wharton had by far the most attractive women of the schools I visited and Chicago GSB had by far the least attractive women that I visited." User Dabots chimes in, "this can be pretty easily settled by using Facebook." James N., a commenter who probably hasn't been laid since Bush's first term (and that was by accident), adds, "I'd hit up schools in the lower tier. Texas Tech!" Oh, to be free, white, and 21!
One of the many types of slimy little men we have to purge from our fair city is profiled in the New York Times today. "Some people see models all the time. They recognize these creatures despite their oversize sunglasses and disheveled hair. They can look past baggy shifts and mismatched patterns, beyond gaudy makeup and cheap earrings. These people are called model scouts, and their numbers include Roman Young of Elite Model Management, who chose Union Square as his hunting ground one Saturday in May." The vile "hunt" after the jump.
Regarding "Prescott Hahn," the "hedge fund manager" ID'd by the Post at the Fashion Meets Finance douche-dating event in a pink shirt—we're not buying that he's managing any hedges. The website for the company he claims to be the "owner" of, Kensington Square Capital Management, is one big 404 error. (We also couldn't find record for it—no Bloomberg profile, no website, not on any list of financial advisory firms.) Update: We hear from a school chum that he's merely a one Tom S., intern, Columbia '10!
So intrepid douchebag Morty White figured that the release of the Sex and the City movie would be the perfect excuse to call up a few of his SATC-loving ex-girlfriends and make fun of them. Isn't he hysterical? "My first call was to Janet. She won the prize for bringing up Sex and the City the quickest-54 seconds into the date, to be exact. We went out on our date in 1999 and haven't spoken since (not including the three messages she left on my answering machine). It took a while for her to warm up to me over the phone, but she finally agreed to play ball:" It begins...
During my very brief stint at a fashion magazine, my boss sat me down one rainy morning and said, "I'm about to give you the most important advice you're ever gonna hear from me." I listened, soaking wet from the morning commute. "You're gonna need to buy some rain gear," she continued. "I don't care if you think it looks ugly. You gotta do it. And get some rain boots." Haven't done it yet, but... may we interest you in the next generation of rain gear? It's like an isolation-pod for your head. Staying out of the rain? Great. Looking like a total control-freak dork? Um... priceless.
Sure, it's one thing to watch sad, sad man Paul Janka make an ass of himself on Dr. Phil. But no matter how much you shout at the screen, he can't hear you. Well, problem solved. Comedian Heather Fink, who briefly dated Janka until he answered his door tossing-off, helpfully informs us that Janka will be at The Cake Shop on Ludlow Street Monday night at 8:00. As part of a comedy show? After the jump, Fink tells Dr. Phil all about what romance with a gross person is like.
The bad seed of Brooklyn's hipster kickball league speaks! Even though it was reported so on their website, the team known as "Prison" isn't kicked out of Williamsburg's kickball league after all. "Just me," former kickballer Robert L. confirms. "I told [38-year-old Brooklyn Kickball commissioner] Kevin Dailey he was a fat fuck and to go sniff coke. Then pushed 2 people who surrounded me and threatened another guy. I can only apologize that jocks picked on people in high school!" There's more to the story: just like every punk show in high school, this one was broken up by... you guessed it, violence from a straight-edger!
