If you enjoyed the heart-pounding action of Saving Private Ryan and the taut intrigue of The Da Vinci Code, you'll love dynamic thrill ride that is: The Son of the Star of Those Movies Lost His iPad.

Yesterday, the internet held its breath at reports that Lindsay Lohan was being rushed to the hospital. Could this be the end for LiLo's tragic roller coaster of a life?

Where do you go from a misguided cover of "Niggas in Paris"? Dissing Beyoncé sounds about right. While discussing a potential collaboration with Rihanna on BBC 1, Perry noted that she doesn't want to rush things. And then she got passive-aggressive.

Have you all heard of Pinterest? It's the hottest new social network for sharing your favorite cookie recipes and pictures of expensive furniture. But a barely risque post by a Pinterest power user has torn the burgeoning community apart.

Like everyone else, we miss The West Wing. But it's okay! Democrats and Republicans are trying to put on their own community-theater version of the television program in Washington right now: House Majority Leader Eric Cantor interrupts the president! President Obama storms out of the meeting! And Donna is the victim of a hilarious misunderstanding!

"Everyone into the survival pods, quickly! We may be smashed and the pressure could blow! Space death and boiling blood is what we face!" These words or some version of them were likely spoken aboard the International Space Station yesterday around 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, when the astronauts there were *nearly* obliterated by speeding space debris.

While discussing Amy Winehouse's recent disaster concert in Belgrade on her E! public access talk show, comedian Chelsea Handler, and her panelists, said some offensive things about Serbia and its people, and those people are now angry.

The historic Bieber-Bibi Summit—in which Canadian and Israeli dreamboats Justin Bieber and Benjamin Netanyahu were to meet over danishes to discuss hair products and the Middle East—is over before it even began. But just who failed to be the mensch in this situation is still up for debate.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Candice Swanepoel went to a Victoria's Secret event yesterday and made the fatal mistake of bending over. Now the blogosphere is "shocked" that she is "scarily, skeletally, stick-thin!" But is she any thinner than the size she has been rewarded for being, for years?

Keith Richards may have provided a public service by releasing his autobiography, Life — in which he says Mick Jagger has a "tiny todger." An upcoming Rolling Stones tour is said to be in jeopardy over Richards' remarks about the size of Jagger's dong. Or maybe this is a ploy by a bunch of once-great old timers to sell more $500 concert tickets? We'll have to wait and see.

MSNBC, just to put itself on the record as "consistent," has suspended Morning Joe co-host Joe Scarborough for the same reason it suspended Keith Olbermann: Political donations without advance approval. Interestingly, Politico, where Scarborough writes a column, instigated the suspension.

Times are grim in urban America. And, as one would expect, hard times lead to teenagers trying to shoplift entire turkeys by shoving them down their pants and "waddling" out of stores, nonchalantly. Thank god for surveillance cameras.

A Manhattan woman wants a Connecticut court to let a New Jersey doctor harvest the sperm from her husband's body after he committed suicide so a family friend can have his baby. This is real life, not a soap opera.

After dropping 20+ F-bombs during a tiff with his mom, Rob and Drama went on an undercover mission as old people to find alternatives for curse words.

While the season premiere of Gossip Girl had exotic locales, scandalous extravagance, illegitimate infants, and cat fights, Chuck Bass was missing in action. The ending presented a healthy serving of Bass and explained his whereabouts since being shot. Video inside.

Oh, joy! Sometimes, Monday brings things that make us laugh, and this is one of them: a preview clip of Justin Bieber's guest appearance on the upcoming CSI season premiere. Inside, watch—and laugh/cringe—along with the rest of us.

This week's episode of True Blood was disappointingly boring. Considering so many revelations this week, it's shocking that so little could happen.

I said Bristol Palin was bad when I posted the teaser for her The Secret Life of the American Teenager acting debut, but the full scene is even more excruciating. Palin is like a malfunctioning robot FROM HELL. Video inside.

It appears that John McCain's endless droning was enough to make America's most famous general, David Petraeus, ill during a Senate hearing on Afghanistan today. Petraeus briefly fainted, blaming it on dehydration. McCain's expression is priceless! Is this guy soft?

Sarah Palin has traded heavily on her Real America, small-town roots throughout her career. But this is also a great liability. The case of Sarah Palin's nosy next-door neighbor shows Palin's downfall at the hands of pissed-off provincials has begun.