Perhaps you've found yourself in a situation where you have to take a drug test. Perhaps you're a marijuana enthusiast or just sporadically partake in the pleasure. Well, here are some tips on how to pass a urine test. [Jezebel]

The trial of deposed Tunisian president Zine El Abidine Ben Ali begins today in absentia, since Ben Ali is yukking it up with Saudi royals on his extended vacation there. Today's trial is the first of many, but this one is pretty juicy. Ben Ali is charged with theft, as well as drug and weapons possession, and the case is built on evidence recovered from two of his palaces outside of Tunis.

Several reporters have returned from Libya with tales of young gun-toting, hash-smoking rebels and really, can you blame these guys? By all accounts, the fighting in Libya is nasty and the alternative to victory over Qaddafi is death for most of them. But some rebels aren't feeling the front lines party vibe:

Oxy challenges! Dog watching! Jillian Michaels! School health-lunch! Sunscreen changes! Syphilis babies! Stroke prevention! Chantix problems! And people everywhere trying super workout programs! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—childishly!

Scientists at Johns Hopkins studying psilocybin (the active ingredient in hallucinogenic "magic mushrooms") say they've figured out the dosage "sweet spot"—the "mama bear" dose at which a hypothetically adventurous Goldilocks would say "just right, man."

There are very few instances when eating anything at all from McDonald's deserves a pass. Post-joint/blunt/bong rip/whatever is one of them. But when you're getting high in public it pays to be at least somewhat vigilant (when possible). Just ask flagrant 21-year-old Jose Barrera of Elgin, Illinois:

Tanya McDowell, the homeless Connecticut woman who was charged with larceny for heinously enrolling her son in an elementary school in a town where she doesn't live, now has a new pile of legal woes. She was arrested last Friday for allegedly selling crack and weed to undercover cops on three separate occasions, as well as offering them prostitutes. One of the alleged transactions occurred during her son's birthday party.

Fat man surgery! Epilepsy drugs! Apple poison! DASH diet! Survival rates! Zany parenting! Pet allergies! Medication overdose! And breastfeeding because you love life! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—voraciously!

The Houston Chronicle talked to a cartel trafficker this weekend, "in an interview arranged by intermediaries on the condition neither his name nor the location of his Texas visit be published." Anonymous Trafficker has either witnessed the most sadistic crimes imaginable, or is totally fucking with us:

Life in a retirement community can be pretty bad for some people. But for elderly potheads, like the members of one California medical marijuana "pot collective" at Laguna Woods Village, it's not that bad! Or, at least it wasn't.

In the olden days, your parents used to smoke weed that was not chemically distinguishable from banana peels, which gave them a "hippy dippy" feeling, the most dangerous side effect of which was an affinity for neo-folk tunes. Today, you kids smoke chronic and shoot each other, or at least make up "freestyle raps" about same.

"I was spending $2,600 a day, for six years, every single day," Flava Flav says of his drug use. Popeater does the math: Over 2,191 days (one leap year day included) this adds up to $5,696,600.

U.S. Senators have called on the Feds to crack down on the anonymous drug marketplace Silk Road. But Silk Road isn't going down without a fight.

Does the thought of buying weed from a drug dealer scare you? Or maybe the thought of inhaling smoke is keeping you from getting so high? Fear not, because you can still get (fake) high on totally legal soda!

Sens. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) are asking the Drug Enforcement Administration and the Department of Justice to "do something" about Silk Road, the go-to website for illegal drug-takers who appreciate convenience. They don't like the site's user interface.

We've already warned you of the dangers of cooking your kid's food in the PCP pot, trying to sell your kid's virginity, and coaching your kid's fights. The latest tip for the Gawker's Guide to Parenting: don't do meth with your kid at family reunions.

Have the elderly people around you been acting rather crackheaded lately? Don't worry, it's not Alzheimers (yet)! They're all drinking "5 Hour Energy" shots just as fast as they can, the old coots. They'll probably die soon(er).

Attorney general Eric Holder has come out in favor of reduced sentences for thousands of people currently imprisoned on nonviolent crack cocaine convictions. (A recent law corrected the insane sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine; Holder is simply recommending that the new sentencing guidelines be applied to some people already in jail.) That's a great first step. Then can we let out all the other drug war victims, too?

Yesterday afternoon, Arizona's first weGrow franchise — a "superstore-sized garden center" that sells everything you need to grow weed — opened for business in Phoenix. And it sounds great. Besides being a one-stop shop for all of your growing needs, there are doctors on hand to help diagnose those "back spasms" you're dealing with:

A new report from the Global Commission on Drug Policy, an international group that includes former Secretary of State George Schultz, former Federal Reserve chairman Paul Volcker, and former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, finds that the international war on drugs is a big fat failure. (On the part of humans. Drugs seem to be doing A-OK.) "The evidence," the commission writes, "overwhelmingly demonstrates that... the war on drugs has not, and cannot, be won." Well, not with that attitude, guys! [BBC; image via AP]