It's Independence Day, and it's time to start barbecuing. But you're a miserable failure, and you've already gotten wasted. How will you grill? Don't worry. Chill out. We've got you covered.

An intriguing exclusive in The New York Times claims that many people shop on the internet... while drunk. Is it true? That's not for us to say—we're just here to help! What will you purchase, next time you are trawling eBay and Amazon while you're drunk?

After drinking enough to allegedly register a .227 on a blood alcohol content test, Florida person Matthew Falkner went to a Jensen Beach Taco Bell, ordered some tacos, then passed out in his pick-up truck while waiting in the drive-thru—just like you sometimes do! Taco Bell drive-thrus are comforting.

The city council in Sheboygan, Wisconsin wants to remove the mayor from office because he's a self-proclaimed alcoholic who recently went on a three-day bender during which he got into a fight and passed out at some schlubby tavern that, from pictures, looks just like how stale Cheese Doodles smell.

It's never a good idea to drink and drive. But it's especially not a good idea when you are driving to the police station. To pick up your daughter's dog. After she was arrested for a DUI.

You have to be pretty stupid, or pretty drunk, to lead the police on a car chase. You have to even drunker, and certainly more Amish, to lead the police on a car-vs.-horse-and-buggy chase.

This is disconcerting. Almost a month to the day after two women plunged from a 10th floor window of the W Hotel in Atlanta, killing one and leaving the other in critical condition, another woman has died falling from a W Hotel.

You don't usually remember the stumbles you take when drunk—in fact, usually, you have to reconstruct them the next day, based on a makeshift forensic analysis of cuts and bruises. But thanks to London's commitment to violating basic privacy rights through the use of an extensive network of security cameras, this as-yet unidentified gentleman shouldn't have a problem figuring out how, exactly, he got that huge gash on his head. (From flipping over a bannister.) [The Sun]

Here's a local news interview featuring Tommy, a Hazelton, Pennsylvania resident whose house had just burned down. That's sad! Tommy's insane—and I mean insane, child—level of drunkenness, however? Well, that's just plain hilarious. "I'm gonna get racial!"

Four Loko is now banned nationwide. Why? Because it makes people crazy! Evidence: here are two videos of a girl named Lindsey—one taken when she was sober, and the other after she downed three cans of Four Loko.

On Friday, Elizabeth Crull was arrested for DUI after crashing her car into a school bus in Orlando, Florida. Moments after the crash, Crull gave an... enlightening (read: still drunk) interview to a local news crew. Watch—and laugh—inside.

If you're too drunk to drive, it's a good idea to call a friend for a ride. It's not a good idea to call 911. Three times. For a ride to the liquor store.

This squirrel ate some fermented pumpkins becoming drunk. He tries to climb a tree, falling many times then choosing the much easier option of chasing his tail.

A police officer finds this hilarious woman wandering aimlessly in the snow and it's clear she has had a few drinks. As she stumbles about, the officer can barely hold in his laughter.

No better way to confirm a rumor than with video proof. A sauced George Clooney saunters down the red carpet with his date for the night—Jack Daniels. And he's not shy to show how wasted he is.

On last night's No Reservations, Anthony Bourdain visited Prague. And that means one thing: liver-crippling drinking. What starts off as an innocent tour about Prague's culture quickly spirals into a man sloppily cramming pork in his mouth at 4 am.

Very. During last night's red carpet at The Golden Globes, Billy Bush landed a sweet interview with Julia Roberts. And by "interview," we mean a wasted Roberts shouting whatever thoughts enter her mind.

An employee of Home James, a service for people who are simultaneously drunk and intelligent — they drive you home in your own car — laughs as a German man recites Billy Joel lyrics and spoons with a moped.

After her sublime drunk acceptance speech at the Palm Springs Film Festival last night, we waited for tonight's People's Choice Awards with bated breath: Would Mimi win favorite R&B artist? And would she be blitzed again? Yes! and... Maybe?

A drunken woman is determined to see her ex-boyfriend. She won't let something petty like being arrested for drunk driving AND a hit-and-run stop her. She'll just steal the ambulance and take it for a joy ride.