Kate Middleton has bangs, you guys. And they’re all over the place. Royals, they’re just like us. Minus that £1,245 Ralph Lauren shirtdress.

Of all the babies that were born on Saturday—and there were several—one of the babies was a royal baby, which, as these things go, is a pretty good kind of baby to be. This particular royal baby was born to Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, and is a girl.

The British royal family confirmed Monday that the chilling sequel to 2013's "Royal Baby" is scheduled to hit Britain in April of next year. Also Kate Middleton still can't stop throwing up. It's worth it, though, for her beautiful family.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had a lot of fun in Australia on Wednesday, lightly placing their fingers on records under the close supervision of a professional disc jockey. After being reassured several times they had not been party to criminal conduct, the royal couple likely returned to their hotel and made real wild, freaky love until 4 p.m., when it was time to dress for their next event.

This month, powerful baby Prince George performs his first official royal duty—an inspection of British penal colonies and their outlying areas—as he and his parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, spend three weeks traveling across Australia and New Zealand. During this time, Gawker.com will publish a selection of entries from his minder Kate Middleton's travel journals.

On Friday, the Duchess of Cambridge participated in a military training exercise designed to prepare Britain for an air assault by balls. [Image via AP]

Earlier this week, St. James’ Palace and Good Manners Emporium confirmed to the world that when Kate Middleton has her baby in a few weeks, the whole affair is gonna be real cool and classy, not dirty and stupid.

The Dr. Frankenstein who wrought Kate Middleton's infamously terrible official portait upon the world has finally been negged into submission: driven mad by the endless bad press, he has created a second, lovely portrait in black and white.

Exciting news today for the people who have been saying for weeks that Kate Middleton is having twins: YOU'RE ALL WRONG. How's it feel to be wrong? How does it taste? Metallic, like blood, or bitter, like rue?

Yesterday's blurry bottomless pics of Kate Middleton reignited the right to privacy vs. the right to see the Duchess of Cambridge's vagina debate, but Danish tabloid Se Og Hor says they're not responsible.

Thumbing its nose at legal threats made by the royal family, the Italian magazine Chi today went ahead with its promise to publish a multi-page spread featuring topless photos of Kate Middleton taken from the set that first appeared last week in its French sister-publication, Closer.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's private secretary has just released the itinerary for the couple's upcoming eight-day, endless nights, Magical Mystery Tour of the Asian Pacific.

Kate Middleton — or the Duchess of Cambridge, if you want to be correct about it — gave her first public speech ever at a children's hospital in Ipswich. This is mostly a big deal because it was the first one, but also because she was anxious. As she told one guest, "I find doing speeches nerve-wracking." See, it's just like that movie The King's Speech, except she's a duchess and the stakes were significantly lower.

Kate Middleton, now the Duchess of Cambridge since she up and married Prince William, is pretty and poised and seems to the manor born. Well, to us commoners at least. To the royal family she still needs work, so she's taking royalty lessons.