“‘The home’s craftsmanship and the grounds’ peaceful tranquility were beyond what I’d ever experienced. The frontage on Georgica Pond, with its never-ending pageant of natural beauty, is breathtaking.’ Mr. Rahr is parting with the estate, he said, because he now summers in Europe.”

Daily News owner and aging billionaire Mort Zuckerman was having a bit too much fun in East Hampton, New York on August 11 when he rammed his Lexus into single mom and store manager Charlene F. Peele’s parked Ford sedan, all but destroying the vehicle. Zuckerman, while claiming to have left his business card at the scene, shortly left the crash site—a violation of state law. Worse, according the New York Post’s Jeane Macintosh, Zuck’s insurance company is refusing to pay for the total cost of the damange, sticking Peele with $4,000 to pay on a car she can’t drive. The East Hampton Star describes the crash:

The people of Boston are currently holed up in their homes as authorities canvas the area for a suspect considered "armed and extremely dangerous." Meanwhile, Martha Stewart is working frantically to protect her grandchildren from an even more sinister enemy: flowers.

Here's a good reason to always do your homework on the people renting your East Hampton vacation home, if you're lucky enough to have one: Without the proper background check, your favorite couch might become permanently stained with semen. Such was the case, allegedly, for Brooklyn couple Stuart and Susan Silverman, who rented their vacation home last summer to a businessman by the name of Philip Wade. According to the Silvermans, Wade didn't disclose, exactly, what his plans for the home were, aside from saying he would hold a barbecue at the home for friends and family. As it turns out, that barbecue was actually an orgy-like party for a reality show called "pArty of 5," which features five days of partying in five different locations around the world.

Grey Gardens can be rented from Memorial Day through July for $125,000. Amenities include the ghost of Little Edie.

Anxious to harness the inchoate class rage of impotent computer-bound office-workers trapped in the endless parenthesis of alienation and soul-rot that characterizes die jüngste Entwicklung des Kapitalismus, the Times of Los Angeles and New York both rushed to Mitt Romney's East Hampton fundraiser this weekend in a quest to record the most horrible set of actual rich-people opinions that could possibly be expressed. But who won the battle of worst quote?

How much do you have in your checking account? Probably enough to cover rent and the five vodka tonics it will take to make you forget that you just paid rent and are now officially tapped out. Right? Well, this one jackass keeps $100 million in his account.

Rejoice! The Barefoot Contessa recap is back! On today's brand new episode of Ina Garten's rich (in many ways), televised culinary compendium, East Hampton's HBIC sank her teeth into—and got some intense pleasure from—a cornucopia of good eats.

Boy oh boy was yesterday's all new episode of Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa a doozy. There was meatloaf, deviled eggs, icebox cake and more—all with the volume turned up, obviously. Come in, watch some videos, stay a while!

Because last weekend's Alec Baldwin-starring installment of Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa was such a hit around these parts—and because why the hell not—I decided to recap yesterday's all-new episode! Picture this: Ina and Jeffrey in a steak throwdown.

The Hollywood scion and Law & Order: SVU star recently purchased a $7.3M, 7,000 sq.ft, 11 bedroom vacation home in East Hampton. It was built in 1890, has "6.6" bathrooms (!), and hopefully no horrible sex felonies.

• Glenn Close has put her two-bedroom co-op at the Beresford up for sale. The 2,000-square-foot apartment on the building's 19th floor, which comes with two terraces, private elevator landing, and neighbors like Jerry Seinfeld and John McEnroe, is listed with Corcoran's Robby Browne and can be yours for $11.8 million. [NYP, Corcoran]
• Blackstone Group co-founder Steve Schwarzman and his wife Christine have unloaded their old East Hampton home. The 2.1-acre property, which the billionaire financier bought for $2.3 million in 1996 and put on the market for $7.2 million in August 2009, has been sold to "power couple" Thomas Gallagher and Alice Jarcho-Gallagher for $6.25 million. [NYP]
• John Cleese's two-bedroom apartment at 196 East 75th Street is now in the possession of his ex-wife, Alyce Faye Eichelberger. Cleese sold the apartment, which the couple purchased together in 2007 for $1.7 million, back to her for $1.492 million. [NYO]

• Gisele Bundchen has two reasons to be happy today. Not only did she just have a baby, but less than a month after she closed on the sale of her West 11th Street penthouse, she's managed to find a buyer for her townhouse at 42 Barrow Street, too. The 5,000-square-foot home, which Bundchen bought for $5.8 million in 2005, had been listed for $13.95 million since September. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Entrepreneur David Smilow has found a buyer for his duplex penthouse at 140 Perry Street. The massive 8,100-square-foot spread, which Smilow listed for $19.5 million and took off the market in April, went into contract to sell earlier this week. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Dr. Arthur Agatston, the cardiologist best known for having created the South Beach Diet, and his wife Sari Agatston, have paid $7 million for a 6,400-square-foot mansion in East Hampton. [Newsday]

• Former Giants defensive end Michael Strahan has put his 2,000-square-foot loft at 25 Murray Street on the market. The one-bedroom pad, which Strahan bought for $1.635 million in 2008 but has barely used since he spends most of his time in LA these days, is currently listed for $1.85 million. [WSJ, PDE]
• The lower half of George Gershwin's former duplex at 132 East 72nd Street has gone into contract after more than nine months on the market. The two-bedroom co-op had most recently been listed for $3.05 million. Meanwhile, socialite Debbie Bancroft's apartment, which is located one floor up and comprises the second half of Gershwin's former home, is still on the market for a reduced price of $1.5 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran, BHS]
• African telecom mogul Yerim Sow has re-listed his three-bedroom pad at 15 CPW. Sow bought the 36th-floor condo in 2008 for $10.3 million and put it up for sale in May for $21 million, pulling down the listing a month later. Now it's up for sale again and listed for $21 million once more. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Real estate mogul Elie Hirschfeld has put his East Hampton estate up for sale. The 12,000-square-foot manse is listed for $25 million. [Real Deal, Sotheby's]

• Actress Kristen Johnston has closed on the sale of her duplex at 296 West 10th Street. The two-bedroom apartment with a solarium and terrace, which Johnston listed for $1.795 million in June and went into contract to sell in August, sold for $1.7 million to costume designers John Orberg and Janet Kuhl. [Cityfile]
• Jamie Drake, the interior designer who counts Mayor Bloomberg as one of his clients, has put his 6,200-square-foot home in East Hampton on the market for $2.9 million. [Newsday, Mercedes/Berk]
• Armon Bar-Tur, a managing director at SafeHarbor Capital Partners, and his wife Rebecca, have found a buyer for their townhouse at 92 Charles Street. The four-bedroom home, which the couple bought for $6 million in 2006 and listed for $14.95 million in October, has gone into contract after less than a month on the market. [Curbed, Corcoran]
• Private eye Bo Dietl has gone into contract to sell his Manhasset home. The five-bedroom home, which the former cop and occasional TV commentator bought for $2.3 million in 2004 and listed for $3.295 million in August, is reportedly selling for "just over $3 million." [Newsday, PDE]

Due to a firey Jitney accident on the Long Island Expressway last night, we were not able to watch The City last night. Thankfully we've pieced together the action thanks to some dispatches from our favorite freelance party reporter.

• Alexis Stewart is hoping the third time is the charm when it comes to unloading her apartment at 27 North Moore Street. The 3,884-square-foot duplex penthouse loft, which Stewart tried to sell for $12.4 million in both 2007 and 2008, was taken off the market most recently this past July. But now the apartment is back—and it's sporting a higher price tag, too. The loft is currently listed for $12.95 million with Prudential Douglas Elliman's Dolly Lenz. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Jude Law is renting a three-bedroom apartment at the Novare on West 4th Street. What he's paying for the rental isn't clear, but the 3,500-square-foot apartment is up for sale for $7.8 million if you're interested. [NYP, BHS]

• That was quick. Steve Schwarzman, the billionaire Blackstone Group co-founder who listed his former digs in East Hampton last month for $7.2 million, has already dropped the price. The home is now listed for $6.75 million. [Curbed, BHS]
• Gisele Bundchen isn't just trying to sell her Barrow Street townhouse. The supermodel and mom-to-be has also re-listed her triplex penthouse at 347 West 11th Street, which has been on and off the market for two years now. The 1,700-square-foot apartment, which hit the market for $10.9 million back in 2007, is now listed with PDE's Raphael De Niro for $4.5 million. [NYT, PDE]

• Lee Neibart, a partner at Apollo Real Estate Advisors, and his wife Joyce, have closed on the sale of their 16th-floor apartment at 15 Central Park West, which they went into contract to sell back in May. The three-bedroom condo sold to a company called J & K Park Properties for $7.5 million, or $500,000 more than what the couple paid for apartment in January. [Cityfile]
• Real estate heiress Melissa Kushner—she's the daughter of Murray Kushner, niece of Charles Kushner, and Jared Kushner's first cousin—has paid $2.225 million for a three-bedroom condo at 534 Hudson Street with her husband, Jeremy Kaplan. [Cityfile]

• Michael Targoff, the Loral Space & Communications CEO who paid $10.25 million for a penthouse at 778 Park Avenue last year, has finally sold off his old spread—a 3,800-square-foot townhouse at 211 East 61st Street (left). The four-story manse sold for $6 million. [Cityfile]
• Houston Rockets owner Leslie Alexander has sliced $4 million off the price of his East Hampton estate. The six-bedroom mansion, which Alexander bought from Democratic lobbyist Liz Robbins for $15.45 million in early 2007, is now listed for $20.5 million. [Newsday, PDE]
• Miami real estate developer Tibor Hollo and his wife Sheila have paid $2.1 million for a 38th-floor apartment at the Trump Plaza on 61st Street. [Cityfile]