In preparation for tonight’s caucuses, Ted Cruz has spent nearly three-quarters of the past month campaigning in Iowa. That means his darling wife, Heidi Cruz, has also had to spend a lot of time in Iowa. And according to a source familiar with the Cruz family, Iowa is Heidi Cruz’s own living hell.

Earlier today, Donald Trump apparently received a tip that “there may be someone with tomatoes in the audience.” And how would Donald Trump like his adoring fans to react to this alleged tomato carrier? Donald Trump wants them to beat the shit out of him.

It is not exactly a secret that one convenient feature of Ben Carson’s political campaign is the amount of money it’s willing to pay its advisors and fundraisers. A few weeks ago, Dean Parker, Carson’s top moneyman, walked the plank after a Politico article detailed frustrations within the campaign regarding the cash funneled to companies owned by Parker and his cohorts. Now the campaign’s new FEC filing details the extent to which senior staffers are plundering the doctor’s war chest.

With the Iowa caucuses officially kicking off primary voting season, it won’t be long before a brand new butt is working a fresh groove into Obama’s old chair. In preparation, our various candidates are already hard at work making wild schedules for their first day on the job. And each one is more impossible than the last.

The latest numbers on presidential campaign donations for this election cycle show that even while all the candidates are vowing to take on Wall Street, the political power of Wall Street’s money is increasing.

Today, American voters can finally head to the polls to exercise their hallowed democratic right: the right to actively participate in destroying their own dreams of a better country.

The Iowa caucuses are tonight. What’s going to happen? On the Republican side, either Donald Trump will win, or Ted Cruz will win. According to a poll conducted by Ann Selzer, unanimously considered the best pollster in Iowa, Trump will win. That’s a good reason to feel confident in a Trump victory.

Earlier tonight, Ted Cruz’s last big pre-caucus rally got hijacked when a heckler after our own hearts began to scream, “Ted Cruz looks so weird!” He then immediately proceeded to feign vomiting into a trash can.

On Saturday, Trump held another one of his airplane-hangar rallies, except this time he buzzed the tower, because the spectacle always needs to exceed itself. That music is the theme from Air Force One. Top Gun might have been more appropriate, but then again there’s no accounting for taste.

Last night, we got a taste of our very first taste of a debate night duel. On one side, we had our typical, Fox News-facilitated pageantry of foot-stomping candidates vying for our love. On the other side, we got Trump. As for you—well, you had questions.

Ronald Reagan action figure collector Peggy Noonan has, shall we say, a checkered record of political predictions. Today, she tars one Bernard Sanders with her dastardly Wand of Bad Luck.

At the end of tonight’s Trump-less GOP debate, the candidates played the customary “wander around the stage and pretend you actually like each other” game. But apparently, even when they’re just pretending, the candidates still can’t bring themselves to stomach Ted Cruz.

Right now, Fox News is airing the last GOP debate before the Iowa caucuses on February 1. And for the first time in our roughly 78 GOP primary debates, Donald Trump is nowhere to be seen, meaning that tonight’s theme is tear apart Ted Cruz. And we’re liveblogging every last gory detail.

Tonight’s Fox News Republican debate is co-sponsored by Google, and the moderators have repeatedly instructed viewers to “go to Google and search Fox News Debate,” in order to vote for the candidate you thought won. If you do that, you see this sponsored result.

Donald Trump’s last-minute, “wounded warrior”-benefiting rally is finally (?) here, featuring special guests Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and of course—Donald Trump’s beloved veterans. It’s going to be a beautiful mess.

Tonight at 9 p.m. EST, every GOP candidate who is not a[n openly] narcissistic, insolent infant will be debating on the Fox News stage for the one thousandth time. Also at 9 p.m., Donald Trump will be offering counter programming in the form of his very own, hastily assembled “Fuck You Fox News” rally. Who will win? Trick question—tonight, we all lose.

Are you currently enrolled at Iowa State University? Do you have a pulse? Then Rand Paul wants YOU to attend to attend his post-caucus rally on February 1—very, very badly. So badly, in fact, that Paul is willing to personally vouch for you in writing to any of your future employers. As long as you just please say you like him.

Vermont senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is in “very good health,” according to a letter from the attending U.S. Senate physician. But there’s one fact in Sanders’ health history that belies his image as a maverick populist unbeholden to monied interests: Sanders has been treated for gout.

Last night’s Donald Trump rally was interrupted by a splattered tomato, a term which is, perhaps for the first time, not being used in reference to Trump’s appearance.