Jessica Greaney, a student at University of Nottingham, was suffering from a swollen eye this past March. She thought she had an eye infection. Nope! Just a parasite trying to burrow its way through her eyeball and into her spine to kill her.

A 34-year-old man faces charges of felony assault and assault with a bodily fluid after he allegedly licked the eyeball of a police officer attempting to arrest him on Saturday.

This Sunday, Oprah is sitting down on a giant couch with Michael Jackson's daughter Paris to have a chat about (Oprah air-quotes) "normal" childhoods, coping with the death of a parent, and other very Oprah topics.

Earlier this month we told you about the man in Italy who stood up during mass and gouged out his eyes right there in front of all his fellow worshipers. Then last weekend, a bull gored Spanish bullfighter Juan Jose Padilla through the face and the eye and rendered Padilla blind in that eye.

As if you needed another excuse to skip church: In Viareggio, Italy, 46-year-old Aldo Bianchini blinded himself and permanently scarred everyone else attending mass at Sant'Andrea church when, during the priest's sermon, he suddenly stood up, ripped his eyes right out of their sockets with his bare hands, then "collapsed to the floor in a pool of blood."

Congresswoman and Republican presidential candidate/shoo-in Michele Bachmann's made the cover of the latest Cosmo Newsweek—an honor that comes with a new if not entirely original nickname ("the Queen of Rage") and complimentary #QueenOfRage Twitter hashtag. Too bad the photographer startled her like that, eh?

Nice baboons! Dead trees! Spiral galaxies! Ipad apps! Macaque alarms! Time machines! Rainbow toads! Eyeball pictures! And the latest news about the fishes and their watery friends! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—faster than you thought!

Jose Goncalves of Hartford, Connecticut, doesn't have a working right eye anymore, but he does have 925,000 new dollars. The money comes from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, which agreed to compensate Goncalves for a botched cataract operation during which his eye, uhhhh, blew up.

You were probably wondering to yourself: "What did actress Zsa Zsa Gabor's shady husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt do on Tuesday?" Well, he mistook nail glue for eye drops and glued his eye shut. Damn Winter Solstice!

A Phoenix woman trying to use eye drops after cataract surgery grabbed superglue instead, sealing her eye shut. Why would you keep superglue near your medicine, anyway? Should we not be keeping our breath mints near our cyanide pills?

Scientists have isolated the genetic variations that make people more prone to nearsightedness, or myopia—which could in turn lead to the development of eyedrops to prevent the condition. Pretty futuristic! Though I was hoping for robot eyeballs.

Any Lost fan knows that the show likes to start an episode with a close-up shot of a character's eye. Here are all of them, mashed up into one video.

When you're advertising potentially nasty medical-related products or causes, take a cue from the pharmaceutical industry. Those guys can make an ad for Irritable Bowel Syndrome treatment look like a beloved home movie. On the other end of the sensitivity spectrum is this ad from Thailand's Red Cross , urging people to donate their eyes when they die so that others may see. Good cause. But my god, is a huge dump site full of wasted, disembodied eyeballs really the best way to get your message across? (No). The horrifically misguided full ad is below—not for the squeamish.