Scientists Invent Utterly Useless Time Machine
Nice baboons! Dead trees! Spiral galaxies! Ipad apps! Macaque alarms! Time machines! Rainbow toads! Eyeball pictures! And the latest news about the fishes and their watery friends! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—faster than you thought!
- Males who are "nice guys" actually get along just fine in the baboon world, still getting to mate and maintaining lower stress levels than alpha males. Do you hear that, Jeanette? A baboon girl would appreciate me. I'm off to do a baboon.
- Hey, what's been killing thousands of trees mysteriously lately? Oh, it's that new "environmentally friendly" herbicide. What you don't know is that those were right-wing trees.
- "Most Elliptical Galaxies Are 'Like Spirals.'" That's exactly what the so-called scientist said, "like spirals." What are they letting marijuana-smoking valley girls be space scientists now? I'm saying! But they are like spirals though.
- Huh, a new augmented reality iPad app uses futuristic NASA technology to know exactly where you are. I'm pretty okay with just me knowing where I am, and my iPad apps remaining ignorant. Because what might they do with that knowledge?
- Conservationists are sounding the alarm over the macaque. And that alarm sounds like "Kweeeookakaka! Kweeeookakaka!"
- OMG physicists have invented a time machine that hides events for trillionths of a second. Wow. How amazing and not useful.
- Once the rainbow toad was lost, but now he's been found, in Borneo. Story of my life.
- Looking at pictures—of an eye?!?!?! Whoa.
- The oceans are going extinct.
