Poking, he gets. Friending, the verb, he invented. But Mark Zuckerberg is still a little unclear on the whole concept of a high five, as evidenced by the above photo from his visit to Harvard earlier this week.

If you judged only by the news and crappy ABC Family movies, social networks like Facebook are used only by teens to cyberbully each other. But teens say people are meaner in the real world.

Two senators introduced legislation to help Facebook further evade a 47-year-old SEC disclosure rule and take on a slew of new investors. Because that's the problem in America lately, you see: Corporations are too well regulated, and we know too much about the inner workings of large, heavily capitalized institutions.

Mark Zuckerberg delights in tweaking his lumbering rival Google. He stole the company's operations chief, and some of its best engineers. Now he's mocked the company's "little" rival social network, successfully provoking a response. Such a twerp!

Mark Zuckerberg was once so obsessed with programming his girlfriend demanded a written contract guaranteeing alone time. But the Facebook CEO and ranking Borg commander on Planet Earth has, apparently, softened, telling Charlie Rose he spends long stretches with his girl, his dog, and their massive, empty mansion.

I've seen two things on the internet today about whether or not people should accept friend requests from certain people. I thought this was an easy decision, but the cowed internet legions out there have turned it into an existential question that needs input from French philosophers. So, here's a handy guide on whether or not to hit "Confirm" or "Not Now."

The problem with amassing huge troves of digital information is that, sooner or later, someone will try and nab one of them. Like the twisted judge in Connecticut who ordered divorcing spouses to swap Facebook and online dating passwords, and the other judges following in his footsteps.

Facebook users have been puzzled by a disturbance in their feeds. Strange pictures with bold, funny phrases superimposed over them? It's happened: Old people on Facebook have finally discovered the image macro.

The CIA spends all day on Twitter and Facebook, just like you. And they're using them to keep the president and government officials informed of world events. What does the #4wordsbeforesex trending topic mean for the American People?

Facebook does not forgive, and Facebook does not forget, at least not when it comes to Paul Ceglia, the upstate New York entrepreneur who tried to win control of the social network in court. Having run off to Ireland in the wake of evidence he may have fabricated evidence, Ceglia has been told to return. You can run, but you cannot hide, from the great social network in the sky.

Silicon Valley warps the mind. In the real world, your health, family, and friends are most important. In the Valley, they're what you trade for speed, buzz, and valuation, as illustrated in a heartbreaking scene from the Facebook-Google war.

Another day, another whiny Winklevoss profile, this time in Vanity Fair.

One day, years from now, Jennifer Christine Harris will scroll back to this week on her Facebook Timeline and regret everything she sees. (She'll also be, like, "I still don't get the point of Facebook Timeline. The interface is so confusing and the pictures are way too big!") The Des Moines native was arrested for having allegedly set fire to the home of Nikki Rasmussen, an old friend, while Nikki and her husband Jim were fast asleep. The person Jim instantly suspected was Harris, with whom his wife was having an ongoing dispute. It had played out on the pages of Facebook.

So many people think that the more Facebook friends they have, the better. Wrong! In an excerpt from his just released book You Are Not So Smart David McRaney explains "Dunbar's Number" and why trying to keep in touch with more than 150 people, even on Facebook, is a biological impossibility.

Researchers discovered the weak link in child protection laws: Parents. A federal rule designed to keep stalky marketers away from kids is being thwarted by moms and dads seeking to expose their kids to... stalky marketers, of the sort bundled into Facebook. We clearly need new laws, but a new set of parents wouldn't hurt, either.

Think hard, because this is important: Have you ever called anyone a moronic sack of monkey pus in a Facebook-powered web comment? Because Google has just begun indexing those comments for the first time. In other words, your troll resumé just merged with your Google persona. How exciting.

Facebook thought it was bragging when it announced recently that just 0.06% of its 1 billion daily user logins were made by hijacked accounts. But that's a hell of a lot of logins by hackers and spammers: 600,000/day, according to Sophos. Their new incredibly complicated super-friends scheme should fix this.

Facebook is getting complicated. The social network just introduced the category of "trusted friend," not to be confused with the prior categories of "close friends," "acquaintances," "restricted" buddies, and authorized stalkers. Trusted friends are like super-friends. They have special powers!

Facebook just announced plans to build a giant data center 60 miles south of the Arctic Circle in Sweden. Of course. Any evil, world-dominating corporation worth its salt must have an Arctic Doom Base.

More and more people are hating Facebook in increasingly effective ways, and for increasingly better reasons. Good times. Too bad it will probably do nothing to keep Facebook from transforming the internet into an unbearably bland prison-mall.