Are you quietly stalking someone and too dense to figure out their sexual orientation from Google searches, Flickr party photos and real-life gossip? Well, a couple of MIT geniuses invented just the tool for you.

Some people can't log in into their Facebook accounts, according to widespread reports on Twitter. Apparently, a subset of these people have even resigned themselves to becoming productive employees, on this Monday morning. Horrifying. [Business Insider] [Pic]

Some people claim that Facebook makes you easy prey for criminals, good-for-nothings and other unseemly characters. But that's not always true. Sometimes the site helps put people behind bars, as it did this week.

Sure, Americans preen about their commitment to freedom, but who's out there standing up for our God-given right to curse the boss on internet social networks? Australian prison guards, that's who.

What advertising depression? Mark Zuckerberg announced Facebook is cash flow positive a year ahead of schedule, hitting 300 million users and growing ad sales. Great. Now the social network needs to achieve actual profit, and ditch its beloved funny numbers.

The social network can and will fuck with you, as TechCrunch found out, after Facebook targeted an elaborate hoax at just its reporters.

Need an excuse to eschew the so-called Facebook exodus? Well, here's one: the site makes you smart! Twitter, meanwhile, turns you into an aggressive, drooling knuckle-dragger.

Talk about A-Yo Technology. Page Six recently discovered people on Facebook! Being mean to celebrities! Meaner than them, even. Unfortunately, the people hating celebrities on Facebook aren't funny. Also, they've clearly never read comments on D-Listed. Next: Twitter! [Page Six]

Scriptshadow, which obtained the first leaked script for Facebook movie The Social Network, now claims to have casting choices, including Justin Timberlake as Napster's Sean Parker. News In Film created this handy graphic.

There comes a time when our virtual idols, like Facebook, take on a God-like quality. Such is the case in two separate, but ultimately connected, incidents. One saved lives. The other destroyed one.

A New York Times columnist last week wrote that Facebook was almost dead after a user "exodus." Just six months earlier, though, she wrote that Facebook showcased a "perfect" cultural vitality. And she cited the same source.

Learn to decode subtle Facebook brags, and become annoyed with your "friends" all over again.

Josh Harris—the Silicon Valley O.G. who washed up when the 1.0 tech bubble burst—had his second life profiled by the Sunday Styles. Harris is the ultimate Where Are They Now? of the tech scene. And where is he?

Sigh. Here we thought Facebook, Twitter and all those silly little websites were making our lives easier. Not so!

Photography Lounge wondered which of Silicon Valley's two hottest startups had the coolest office. A better question: If Twitter and Facebook are such game-changers, why do their staff work in such depressingly old-fashioned conditions?

England's now prosecuting vile teenage asshats torturing peers on social networking sites. The first one? Meet Keeley Houghton, who's going to Britain's version of Juvie for three months, after harassing contemporaries on Facebook. Who is she and what'd she do?

Just before midnight, a "note" was posted on Sarah Palin's Facebook page titled, "Concerning the 'Death Panels.'" Predictably, the media latched onto it and reported her thoughts. However, there's a problem: there's no way in hell Sarah Palin wrote it.

• Vibe is rising from the dead. A group of investors led by former cable exec Leo Hindery and its luxury magazine publisher Uptown Media have acquired the magazine. They plan to resurrect the website in a few weeks. [WSJ]
• Laura Ling is shopping a book proposal with her sister, Lisa Ling. [WSJ]
• Twitter was the victim of another denial-of-service attack yesterday. [NYT]
• Facebook is testing out something called "Facebook Lite," which may or may not be a Twitter competitor, depending whom you ask. [ABC News, Guardian]
• CBS had planned to change up this year's Emmy Awards. But then everyone complained, so now it plans to go back to the way it was. [THR]
• A launch party for a new magazine? Could it be? Really? [AdAge]

Facebook obsessives were atwitter last night about a "Lite" new version of the social network, which strips away much of its ballooning trove of information. Wait, how did Facebook get so cluttered in the first place?

Aaron Sorkin told the website MakingOf that he's never agreed to a project so fast as when he signe on to adapt Ben Mezrich's Facebook book. Sorkin still doesn't know what he was thinking.