The results are in: on a respected international standardized test, students in Shanghai beat the tar out of everyone in science, reading and math. The U.S. finished 23rd, 17th, and 32nd, respectively. Yea, well...Yao Ming is slow. [NYT]

Okay, CNN's dynamic new public affairs program Park-Spitzer had a rough start. But hey, Monday night's episode was the time slot's biggest failure in years. And it set up Larry King for his worst ratings in a decade. Green shoots!

The Way We Live Now: shedding—shedding jobs, like a thick fur coat sloughing off in the summer's heat. You don't want our economy to sweat, do you? Not to worry: a little perspective will turn that frown upside down!

The future architects of America's imperial decline, Harvard kids, came together for a good old-fashioned foam party last weekend. They tried. But these things aren't easy.

Fast Company is reporting, in a reed-thin update to their obit for Miramax, that the Weinstein Co. is laying off 30 people today. We're trying to confirm, but people familiar with the firm say insiders were bracing for another round.

While the New York Times is taking a full year to get its online paywall right, Newsday—an immeasurably crappier paper—just went ahead and did that shit. How's that working out for them?

Fiddlesticks to you, Americans: Sarah Palin's In Touch cover only sold half as many issues as Brittany Murphy's cover. Famous ladies with babies—this was just like an Angelina Jolie cover! What do you people want? (Cleavage). [P6]

Esquire decided to SAVE MAGAZINES this month by putting another weird little "hold it up to your webcam" hologram augmented-reality gizmo on the cover, but alas: the magical doohickey is obscured by the address label. Curse you, ignoble media irony.

Earlier this month, the Weinstein brothers jettisoned their stake in A Small World, the wobbly Facebook-for-Millionaires social networking site. Today, they announced a "joint venture" with Perseus Books to reduce the overhead at their book publishing arm.

According to Bloomberg, NBC Universal CEO Jeff Zucker will likely keep his job if Comcast succeeds in gaining a controlling stake in the company. Of course he will, because otherwise he'd be accountable for all the horrible mistakes he's made.

Tucker Max's movie "Poop: My Story" is really, objectively not doing well, at all. We'll just delicately link to the weekend's movie chart, with no overt comment. However! The sycophants on Tucker Max's message boards have an alternative view.

Gordon Ramsay is famous for three things: Cooking, cussing, and overseeing a rapidly declining restaurant empire. But fame conquers all! Gordon can be the Donald Trump of food. It's okay.

Marketing whizzes for a movie called I Love You, Beth Cooper figured that a good idea to generate "buzz" would be to pay some valedictorian for a product placement in her high school graduation speech. They were wrong.

Did you know that any bar worth drinking in is now a speakeasy that would never tell the likes of you its secret location? If you didn't already know, then how do you ever expect to get into one?

In your practically-weekend Friday media column: Playboy could be yours, Michael Kinsley wants to fight newsweeklies, a new type of journalism that will fail, and the police department will run your local paper OR ELSE:

A source at Google tells us YouTube has seen a rush of résumés from engineers at Yahoo's rival video site, after a wave of layoffs last week that devastated the team. Is Yahoo Video done?

When political candidates concede a campaign, they praise the "long journey" and talk about how much they've "learned." In the same mode, Microsoft's CEO has all but said he's given up on the Zune.

United by ignominy, former Wall Street analyst Henry Blodget has forgiven Eliot Spitzer, the prosecutor who cost him his job. And he's getting softer on him by the day.

What do the instant comebacks of Martha Stewart, Henry Blodget, and Eliot Spitzer tell us? There's no longer anything to be ashamed of in failure. And that's cheery news for anyone who's been laid off.

The economy's in trouble. Have you heard? Banks would be much happier if you hadn't, but alas, that dude who was repossessing your car probably said something about it. So now our financial institutions are faced with their toughest challenge: deciding what kind of ads to run. They can't do anything about the actual economy—your money is toast. But maybe they can make you feel better about it! Does JPMorgan Chase see a smile on your face? Yes, JPMorgan Chase does! There are a few different strategies. Some, like failed failure WaMu, use humor, along the lines of "We've dragged our dessicated carcass to a safe place now. LOL!" Others are going for the old "reassure you despite all evidence to the contrary" tactic: