Every year in the United States and parts of Europe, the Khristmas season kicks off with the release of the Kardashian family publicity still.

Everything just got crazy.

Following Courtney Love's wild Twitter rant accusing daughter Frances Bean Cobain of sleeping with her father's former bandmate Dave Grohl, the usually press-shy Frances is speaking out with a prepared statement:

Last night on her private Twitter account @cbabymichelle, Courtney Love accused 43-year-old Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl of putting the moves on 19-year-old Frances Bean Cobain, whom she claims went home with Grohl. "He had that romney rape thing about him," she mysteriously concludes about the "gross old man macking on Kurt Cobain's only child."

Levi Johnston's campaign to get back into the Palins' good graces has taken a surprising turn: Following little sister Mercede's claim that Bristol Palin's pregnancy "was NOT an accident!" Levi apparently threatened to disown Mercede if she didn't shut up.

Michael Lohan says he took cops to Lindsay's house on Thursday to check on Ali. Dina Lohan says Michael didn't even recognize Ali. Lindsay Lohan says her father is "the devil's advocate," whatever that means. Who do we believe?

The week that started with Les Moonves and Phillipe Dauman kickboxing in Sumner Redstone's corporate steel cage will apparently end with Dauman retreating to his corner of the Viacom boardroom for medical attention. Or at least that's the impression we glean from today's gloom-and-doom survey of the Great Pay-Cable Cockfight of 2008, during which Paramount broke off from cousin network Showtime after failing to renegotiate an output deal for its titles. On their own now with partners Lionsgate and MGM/UA, even Viacom/Paramount flacks acknowledge finding little comfort in the TV wild:

While most of us fled the office to enjoy early spring, Sumner Redstone spent another relaxing weekend watching his corporate children at Viacom gouge each others' eyes out. And this time around he got his money's worth, with Paramount finally breaking free from CBS/Showtime to start its own pay-cable and VOD service with MGM and Lionsgate. It's an untidy, somewhat shocking scenario that we (and seemingly the rest of the Web) can't yet make sense of, but join us after the jump to parse the winners and losers at a glance.

Realizing the same camera-equipped menaces tailing her every baby-fumbling, crotch-flashing, and head-shaving misstep might actually be of service to her, troubled pop icon Britney Spears enlisted the help of the paparazzi to locate Lynne Spears, in order to personally serve her estranged mother with a threatening legal letter. The elder Spears's crimes: "Gettin' all naggy n' stuff" about her daughter's hard-partying lifestyle, while cozying up to former pimp/dependent, K-Fed. The entire exchange—not at all staged by the public histrionics enthusiast for the benefit of the lurking video cameras—somewhat fittingly played out on the steps of a trailer. From the NY Post: