There's more bad news for California: Water deliveries from state and federal reservoirs to the Central Valley—where much of the nation's food is grown—have been cut to zero. The reservoirs are going dry and there's no water to deliver.

Fifteen farm workers in California who had no choice but to flee indoors to escape the smoke and ash descending upon them from the massive wildfire burning nearby were summarily terminated the following day.

If your Facebook feed wasn't busy being filled with some rant or another on either side of the gay marriage argument this week, your liberal friends might have been steaming about the so-called "Monsanto Protection Act," more precisely known as Section 735 of HR 933, a spending bill signed into law by President Obama on Tuesday.

Police in Grove City, Ohio, a town located about 20 minutes outside of Columbus, Ohio and about 9 hours and 30 minutes outside of New York City and about 36 hours outside of Los Angeles, are on the hunt for a recently escaped 650-pound Black Angus bull calf who made a bid for freedom through a broken fence Monday night.

Food simulacra purveyor McDonald's has announced that it will "take actions" to "phase out" the use of gestational crates—tiny little pens for pregnant pigs that don't allow the pregnant pigs to turn around for four months, fucking them up in all sorts of ways—among the company's pork suppliers. "There are alternatives that we think are better for the welfare of sows," a McDonald's executive said in a statement that was probably a real chuckle for pregnant pigs. "I'll say!" said the tortured pigs with a good-natured laugh.

For some reason, Rihanna is filming a new video in a field in County Down, Northern Ireland. Or, she was, until the farmer who owns the field asked her to stop. "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he told the BBC.

Those lucky enough to grow up ensconced in the idyllic and unchanging lifestyle on the classic American farm have always possessed a bit of wisdom that hapless urbanites never acquired. "Sweet Jesus," the farmers say, as they lean against a wooden fence, chewing on a stalk of some sort of grain, "I'm so fucking bored. Get me off this farm before I blow my brains out. Amen."

[A villager rides a bullock cart in Kosi village, more than 100 miles from Patna, India. Image via AP]

Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert, a terribly silly person best known for his "terror babies" warning, has devised an ingenious plan to eliminate welfare forever! Recipients can promise to never joins the welfare rolls again, in exchange for some farmland.

[Russian President Dmitry Medvedev bites a watermelon while visiting a farm 450 miles southeast of Moscow. Wuss! Putin would have impregnated it, and then shot it. Pic via AP.]

The Way We Live Now: without the kitchen sink. We sold it off, along with the rest of the house. Had to. Can't afford a home. Can't afford a decent train. And even god can't get us a vacation.

David Rockefeller Sr., Paul Allen, Edgar Bronfman, Leonard Lauder, Scottie Pippen, and David Letterman all receive big farm subsidy checks from Uncle Sam, according to an investigation by the Post. That Connecticut home pays for itself! Letterman and Rockefeller reportedly give their regular checks to charity. Manhattanite Phyllis Joyner received $213,998 from 2003 to 2005. "I'm actually in Virginia receiving farm subsidies," she told the Post from her East Village apartment. We are so claiming residence at our parents' house in Minnesota and "growing" some "sorghum." Then we're quitting too! [NYP]