The Dow Jones Industrial Average is up more than 280 points on this crazy election day. Draw your own conclusions. [A pretty stock chart]

♦ Horror of horrors: The average Goldman partner may take home a bonus of $1 million or less this year. [FT]
♦ One of Goldman's flagship hedge funds, Goldman Sachs Investment Partners, has lost close to $1 billion since January. [FT]
♦ UBS posted a third-quarter profit, but it still laid off 700 U.S.-based employees last week. [CNNMoney, NYP]

There's so much bad news in the print media world these days that we just have to roll it all up for you in one convenient post that you can read here, on the internet, where we are responsible for killing print. Today in the Death Of Print Daily: Big layoffs at Rodale and the Seattle Times, the death of Out Traveler, and a tipster describes just how poor the Village Voice is these days:

The Daily News combed through Lehman Brothers' bankruptcy filing to see who was left holding the bag. Among the parties owed cash: the Ritz Carlton on Central Park South ($239,671), Equinox gyms ($354,653), Charge & Ride car service ($41,374), and a fire extinguisher repairman in Brooklyn. [NYDN]

♦ Treasury officials say as many as 1,800 institutions may apply for government investments in the next few weeks. [WSJ]
♦ GM hasn't been so lucky extracting cash: The Treasury has turned down a request by the automaker for $10 billion to help finance a merger with Chrysler. [NYT]
♦ Henry Kravis's KKR is delaying its plan to go public on the NYSE until 2009. [CNNMoney]

Cranky Times columnist Clyde Haberman has a long list of (really good) questions for the banking industry, like why banks can't seem to figure out how to provide pens that actually work. ("How can people feel confident that their money is being managed wisely if those in charge can't even provide a functioning pen?) But he also has an interesting conspiracy theory to share with the world. It seems Banco Santander, which announced the purchase of Sovereign a few weeks ago, is now advertising itself in the Times as just "Santander." "Want to bet that Santander left out "banco," except in very small type at the bottom of the ad, so that few would see right away that another piece of America had been acquired by a foreign institution?" Click through for Haberman's litany of complaints.

Lehman Brothers is hiring! Experience handling enormous bankruptcies a plus! [Bloomberg via Clusterstock]

♦ October will go down as one of the gloomiest months in history. [CNN]
♦ Barclays plans to raise $11.8 billion by selling shares to Abu Dhabi and Qatar in order to meet Britain's new capital requirements. [NYT, WSJ]
♦ The banks benefiting from the bailout also owe $40 billion in compensation to employees, just in case you were wondering where your tax dollars were going. [WSJ]
♦ Meanwhile, banking CEOs may be in talks to cap compensation. Or they may just be paying the idea lip service in this sensitive political climate. [WSJ]

What are the chances the big, fat Wall Steet bonus will go the way of the three-martini lunches (or mortgage-backed securities)? "Slim to none,'' says John Gutfreund, the former CEO of Salomon Brothers and the man responsible for ending Michael Bloomberg's career in investment banking in the early '80s. "They [bankers] are going to have to be a little bit sensitive because politicians, whether they like it or not, are part of their lives now." We'll go ahead and assume this will come as very welcome news to real estate brokers struggling to find buyers for $60 million apartments. [Bloomberg]

What are unemployed bankers doing to pay the bills these days? Meet Bryan Gunderson. He lost his job analyzing structured-equity investments at JPMorgan a few months ago. Now he's learning how to mix up Purple Hooters as a student at the New York Bartending School. Yes, it appears a growing number of people who, just a few months ago, were dropping thousands on bottle service at the city's clubs are the same ones who are now learning how to serve up drinks to other people.

♦ AIG is already running out of the $123 billion in cash it was provided by the Federal Reserve, which means the authorities are slowly waking up to idea that something else might be going on. [NYT]
♦ The U.S. economy shrank at a 0.3 percent annualized rate in the third quarter as consumer spending declined at the fastest rate in 28 years. [MW]
♦ The Fed's half-point rate cut yesterday? It won't do much to prop up the economy. [NYP]
♦ Andrew Cuomo has asked banks to provide his office with bonus data. [NYT]
♦ Some hedge funds are still raking in cash from investors. Steve Cohen's SAC is down 5.5 percent in 2008 (and he's moved most of his funds into cash), but he's accepting new funds beginning in January. [Bloomberg]

Jim Cramer now has more to worry about that just the horrifically lousy stock market predictions he's been doling out to naive investors. He'll now have to figure out how to revive his sagging financial news site, TheStreet.com, too. Although the financial crisis has led to a boost in traffic—the company reported that the number of visitors to the site was up 27 percent during the third quarter—the finance portal "missed sales estimates, posted a surprise loss, and shook up its boardroom," replacing the company's current chairman with Cramer himself. That should solve everything! [SAI]

Barclays, which acquired the operations of a bankrupt Lehman Brothers in September (and has been firing people left and right ever since), has cancelled its annual Christmas party. [Dealbreaker]

Goldman Sachs named 94 new partners today, down from the 115 new partners named during the last round two years ago. Clusterstock has the list of the very few people who work on Wall Street who will drinking champagne tonight. [Clusterstock]

♦ The Fed is expected to cut interest rates again today, possibly to as low as 1 percent. [WSJ]
♦ The White House is pushing banks to stop hoarding the bailout billions and start making more loans. [AP]
♦ George Soros says the number of hedge funds "will be reduced in size by anywhere between half and two thirds" over the next few years. [Reuters]
♦ GMAC, which is controlled by GM and Steve Feinberg's Cerberus Capital, is now looking to become a bank holding company so it can tap into the $700 billion bailout pool. [WSJ]
♦ Credit card crunch: Lenders wrote off an estimated $21 billion in bad credit card loans in the first half of 2008. [NYT]

Hey, stocks are up again! The Dow jumped 900 points today, the second-largest point gain ever. The largest point gain ever came two weeks ago, when the Dow jumped more than 900 points, only to crater once again in the following days. This illustrates the classic stock maxim, "Buy low, sell lower a day or two later as you're gripped by irrational panic." Click to watch the market's closing seconds, as traders in the background erupt in cheers. Hey guys, wild speculation on short-term stock price swings is serious business.

The stock market rebounded a bit today, but the economic outlook for New York is turning increasingly grim. Gov. David Paterson announced today that he's now expecting the budget gap for next year to be $12.5 billion, almost double what was projected a few months ago. [NYT]

Despite few signs the economy is truly improving (not to mention a good deal of bad news today, like consumer confidence at an all-time low), the Dow jumped nearly 900 points today—its second-greatest point gain ever—as investors looked for bargains and eagerly awaited news of an interest rate cut. The S&P gained 10.7 percent and the Nasdaq was up 9.5 percent on the day, which means instead of photos of sad traders, the news media is now showing off much happier (and cuter) ones. Finally! [WSJ, NYT]

Credit Suisse is laying off another 500 people, adding to the 1,565 people who were canned earlier this year. [Bloomberg]

Former hedge fund manager Sam Israel sure has a talent for putting off the inevitable. The former financier faked his own death to avoid jail time back in June, then got a judge to postpone his sentencing twice so he could get treatment for his addiction to methadone in August and September. Now a judge has delayed his sentencing yet again so he can undergo a 90-day medical evaluation in North Carolina. His next court date isn't scheduled until February 2009. [Bloomberg via Dealbreaker]