Mark Penn, the strategist who dashed Hillary Clinton's presidential hopes, is the Wall Street Journal's "Microtrend"-spotting columnist. He's also CEO of PR giant Burson-Marsteller. Only a scumbag would abuse the former to drum up business for the latter.

Yes, Steve Jobs is that evil. Silicon Valley spent the past month convincing itself AT&T just absolutely had to be responsible for kicking the useful Google Voice application off the iPhone App store. Whoops, it was Dear Leader.

This morning we heard that 5WPR, flackery-mongering home of incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian, had a run-in with the Labor department yesterday. We have details from insiders. They are more ridiculous than you may have anticipated. Craziness, ahoy! [UPDATED below].

Bryan Appleyard's lengthy Steve Jobs profile in the Times of London breaks no real news about the Apple CEO. And yet everyone's talking about it. Why? Because Apple tried so hard to stop the story.

A new study from a PR industry-connected research group has definitively proven that PR people are nearly as moral as dental students. Which has to be pretty good, no?

Hank Paulson's attempt to weasel out of an interview with the New York Times looks more comical every day. Now it's emerged that the book he was busy writing is being written by someone else.

The New York Times ran a big story last weekend about Hank Paulson's contacts with Goldman Sachs, but they couldn't get a quote from Paulson because he was too busy writing his memoirs. Really? No, not really.

How will the Huffington Post turn around its much-criticized health coverage? With a doctor who consults for the likes of McDonalds, PepsiCo and Mars Inc., the candy maker. Dr. Dean Ornish is already at work plugging his clients.

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian thinks Israel should kill "a thousand Arabs for every one Jew they kill," which may be why he would never have a terrorist, or Barack Obama (related???) as a client.

Shilling has never looked more attractive: Amid an old-media depression, "sponsored" blogging company Izea thinks it can get you around $1 per character to sell out on Twitter.

Catherine Mathis, the New York Times Co's chief PR person, is leaving the company. Her next job is bound to be easier. The full staff memo and a slight appreciation, below.

The Pentagon has released a document dump of internal e-mails from its struggle to deal with the Air Force One flyover that freaked out Manhattan in April. You can smell the panic.

Shoot, a publicist for R. Couri Hay's PR firm sent out an email that had mistakes in it. Probably bad ones! Now the firm has been forced to send another, more grovelling email apologizing for said mistakes. Read it below!

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian's 5WPR threatens to sue alt-weekly for its cover story on 5W client Cinergy Health; soon afterwards, emails same alt-weekly a press release offering Cinergy's CEO for interviews. Sounds about right. [Houston Press]

Hey, remember that time Jeff Bezos snuck in to your place and stole from your bookshelf that one time, before silently slipping away into the night? The Amazon.com CEO feels awful.

Today's shameless press release of the day: Star Magazine issued a statement tonight merrily touting the fact that one of their reporters, Kate Major, is getting boned by douche-y octodad Jon Gosselin. Yeah.

Amazon.com bought Zappos, the beloved online retailer of shoes, for $920 million, mostly in stock. Amazon's announcement was as direct as its business model; while reporters were calling the company in vain, CEO Jeff Bezos was dishing via YouTube.

The U.S. Navy and a giant defense contractor are asking mom and dad for money to build an ultra-wicked laser death ray, because otherwise it's impossible to stop pirate ships. At last, the historic invincibility of pirate ships is over!

Setting an example for children of royalty, everywhere, Megan McCain wants people to know that the help should stick to being the help after explaining what depths Joe The Plumber should intellectually excavate next. Hint: It's near his plumber's crack.

Massive enemy PR firm Edelman is moving its office from Times Square to Hudson Square. Employees received (and leaked!) a motivational brochure that has a decidedly...propagandist design style. Compare: