United Airlines is retrofitting 19 of its large planes to “10-abreast seating in economy” class, which currently has nine-abreast seating. Someone please regulate airline seating before we are sitting on the wings.

The first elected official who is able to pass a law ensuring that airplane seats are large enough for human beings to sit in will be incredibly popular. At the moment, we are still moving in the opposite direction.

Next week, the U.S. government will announce that it is allowing commercial airline service to resume between the U.S. and Cuba, up to more than 100 flights a day. This is the beginning of the end of the beginning of the end.

At airports, “TSA staffing hasn’t grown but the number of people going through checkpoints is up considerably... Last year, TSA had 91 days when it screened more than two million people. This year it has already had 165 days of such high volume.” Oh good.

For the past several years, the airline industry has been making spectacular profits by using a conscious strategy of making flying less pleasant for passengers. Next on the agenda: your luggage.

Some years ago, the airline industry set itself on the path towards its current record profits by shrinking seats more, and more, and more. What does the future hold for airlines? More shrinking seats.

I cannot believe we are still talking about this.

Those who keep a close eye on the airline industry tell us that many airlines today are considering doing away with "First Class," in favor of, I suppose, either more ultraluxury seats, or more tiny hell seats. What was "First Class," anyhow?

Marilyn Hartman, described by authorities as a "serial stowaway," was arrested by police at Los Angeles International Airport for the second time this week after allegedly trying to sneak onto a flight. Hartman has been arrested by police seven times this year for making similar attempts at SFO.

If you've taken a commercial airline flight recently, you could be forgiven for assuming that airlines are broke as hell, forced to penny-pinch and slash service to the bone. Not so! Several airlines reported record profits this week. But how?

United Flight 1637 was supposed to be a quick holiday jaunt for off-duty Air Force Captain Mike Gongol and his family. But when the 737's pilot suffered an apparent heart attack, Gongol ended up in the cockpit, helping guide the plane to an emergency landing that saved 160 souls.

Of all the things you want to see while looking out of the window of a plane, "part of the wing dangling off" is very low on that list.

Flying is easy. One would think.

Flying, once a quirky luxury, has not completed its transition into an unavoidable descent to hell. The experience of flying on commercial airlines grows more excruciatingly painful by the day.

An entire terminal in Laguardia, America's worst airport, was evacuated today after a baggage handler reported smoke coming from a piece of luggage. Nothing to worry about, folks. Just a smokin' bag.

Chesley Sullenberger? Fuck that amateur. He ain't shit.

More domestic airline flights are running late these days—17%, as compared to 14% a year earlier—but fewer passengers are filing complaints about it to the government, probably because they have suffocated in their seats.

If you're anything like me, your favorite movie of 2013 so far is "Amazing Helmet-Cam Video of Skydivers on One Plane When Another Plane Hits Them," followed by Olympus Has Fallen. How many planes must crash into one another triumphantly before we accept that air travelers should all be wearing parachutes?

A Federal Aviation Administration committee recommended Thursday that passengers be allowed to use smartphones, iPads, Kindles, etc., during takeoffs and landings as long as they're switched to airplane mode. It's now up to FAA officials to accept—and it's largely expected they will—the committee's recommendations.

In China, airport delays are so bad that frustrated passengers are regularly attacking airline employees. "One Hong Kong airline has started teaching its flight attendants kung fu."