Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni's blog really steps it up a notch today, boldly going where no haute foodie has gone before: Hooters, everyone's favorite sports-and-boobs restaurant. Inside, he finds the buffalo wings to be tangy but the Philly cheesesteak to contain "assiduously minced" meat. Bruni also learns that doorgirls wear white shorts while waitresses wear orange, Swedish tourists love the joint, and that service is cheerful and funny.

• Times Op-Edster Frank Rich's son Simon signs a two-book deal before he even graduates from Harvard. Well, good for you, Simon — but can you make a mean and tasty Chex Mix like Dad? [HC]
• Best publicist quote of 2006 thus far: "I very much resent and am amazed that our agency was not named to the shortlist of 'Small PR Firm of the Year' by PRWeek." Courtesy, of course, of Ronn [sic] Torossian. [PRWeek]
• Because every alcoholic is a lonely soul, the Drinking With Steve DVD features a fellow boozehound sitting there, silently, drinking beers and smoking cigarettes. If he had a bong, it'd be perfect. [Ad Freak via Pulp Culture]
• A blog solely devoted to bad pitches — as if there were any other kind? [Bad Pitch Blog]
• The CorcoDevil's new ad campaign tugs on your heartstrings, pokes at your stomach, and ultimately fucks with your bowels. [Corcoran]
• The soft launch at Morimoto begins; start saving your paychecks now. [Jossip]
• The day we lost our virginity, we realized that Cosmopolitan was on crack regarding all matters sexual. Maybe if they hired this guy, it would help the situation. [Is Anyone at Cosmo Getting Laid?]

MTV reports that pretty pop star Justin Timberlake is behind forthcoming Upper East Side restaurant Destino's, which he'll co-own with Eytan Sugarman, the man responsible for Suede and Cherry Lounge (both of which Sugarman opened with hip-hop producer Timbaland). PR is being handled by Lizzie Grubman, and chef Mario Curko (formerly of Rao's) will be in the kitchen, where he'll do his best to help diners forget they're eating anywhere near the aforementioned individuals.

As we mentioned last week, New York, desperate to kick off 2006 with some sort of interest-sparking controversy, releases its list of New York's 101 best restaurants — and announces that from now on, foodie critic Adam Platt and the gang will be adopting a star system to rate establishments. Quelle horreur! Quelle Michelin!

According to Manhattan User's Guide, the top-secret, just-released (like two seconds ago) Michelin restaurant ratings are out:

Frank Bruni eviscerates the swollen Tribeca eatery Ninja today (and rightfully so — having been there, we find it unimaginable that this venue is permitted to exist) and declares, "For a toddler with a trust fund and a yen for udon and maki, Ninja might be a valid alternative to the Jekyll and Hyde restaurant." Okay, so Frank's not a fan of the joint, either. But how much does he hate the "dreary subterranean labyrinth?" When describing the ninja servers' repetitive ninja catcalls, he writes:

Good news, pervs! Hustler publisher and First Amendment champion Larry Flynt has decided to expand his sticky empire with a restaurant chain. The Hustler Bar & Grille (the "e" stands for classy!) will be "Hooters meets Hard Rock Cafe," inevitably landing in the usual tourist meccas. Sadly, the joints will not feature any nudity or entertainment, save for the menu:

Zagat, the restaurant review of choice for uptown adventurers, wannabe foodies, and those who don't know any better, releases its 2006 edition today. We can't wait to see restauranteurs polish their meaningless "mentioned in Zagat's" window stickers to honor the occasion!

A hearty congratulations to the folks at Masa, who have so effectively raped and pillaged the wallets of New York foodies as to be named Forbes' most expensive restaurant in America. With its beloved prix fixe menu situated aspirationally at $350 per head, is it any wonder? Of course not.