Tribune Co. is a once-proud media company that's been bankrupted by an arrogant billionaire and a gang of former radio executives whose only skill is writing comical memos. Their new plan to save Tribune: TV news with no pesky humans.

In your enraging Wednesday media column: the world's worst writer strikes again, Penthouse wants to buy Playboy, Forbes' future is in unpaid blog slave labor, and Piers Morgan is all set to take Larry King's job.

In your illiterate Wednesday media column: Joe Klein fails reading comprehension, Gerald Posner does the Gerald Posner thing again, Photoshop model disclosure in Australia, a Conde-Hearst talent war foreshadowed, and Playboy grows ever less sexy.

America is abuzz with the news that NBC Universal head Jeff Zucker—who has methodically and predictably destroyed the NBC brand during his tenure there—is considering running for elected office, once he gets canned. He's destined for politics.

Adam Robinson is an Oxford-educated chess master and co-founder of the Princeton Review. His ex-girlfriend is a "psychic to the stars." Who do you guess is suing whom, for cleverly stealing all the money?

The Way We Live Now: Optimagically. We choose to believe that good times are ahead despite plain evidence to the contrary. As long as someone somewhere can bail someone else out, it's luxury condos and Bergdorf Goodman for us.

Douchebag Advertising genius Donny Deutsch says it didn't "make sense" for Mancrunch.com to try to buy a Super Bowl ad, because, come on, how many gays would be watching football? Eh? Castigat ridendo mores, Donny Deutsch. [Agency Spy]

African terrorists are poised to strike America knowing that their Kenyan brother will prevent real Americans from fighting back. Outrageous conservative outrage is our only hope. Today's outrage-off contest of strenuously asserted puzzling sentiments: Mary Matalin vs. Jo-Ann Armao.

Half of men who get vasectomies never get a follow-up test done to make sure their vasectomies worked. Those men are more likely to be "not highly educated and the fathers of four or more children." [Businessweek. Pic: WTFDYHAK]

Two Chicago men have been arrested and charged with plotting to kill the Danish cartoonist who drew this controversial Muhammad cartoon back in 2005. Religious fanatics will not rest until they have incompetently harassed this mediocre cartoonist to distraction.

On the night of Barack Obama's election, a group of young idiots in "a makeshift clubhouse" in Staten Island decided to go out and beat up some black people. They tried hard. But they made the following mistakes:

Is there a way for the old "Teacher Arrested For Sleeping With Student" to combine with the old "Man Solicits Underage Sex on the Internet" to produce a new, stupider crime? On Long Island there is.

Remember how after 9/11, every backwater public library in Iowa and auditorium in Missouri spent millions terrorist-proofing themselves, JUST TO BE READY? Swine flu panic is the new that.

If there's one thing that formaldehyde-preserved Post columnist Cindy Adams hates more than things that could not happen "only in New York," it's Poindexter politicos using big words. Like today: "Regulation"?!?! Okay, mumbledy-dumbledy!

Yea, they thought it was so cool to hang out and take bong hits with Olympic champ Michael Phelps. Until the freaking sheriff started arresting everybody for it. Thanks a lot, Phelps.

Failed horse trader Gov. Rod Blagojevich continues his sad media tour on the Today show today, where Meredith Vieira succeeds in making him sound like Bill Clinton in his most pitiful Lewinsky scandal moments.

New York Judge James Peck—who oversaw the first part of the Bernie Madoff trial, and is handling the Lehman Bros. bankruptcy—smacked his wife "in self defense" last weekend. They were arguing about a ladder. [NYP]

Idiot manchild Jay Mariotti, who quit a highly paid job as a Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist in order to find work at one of these "web sites" he's heard so much about, has a job!

Now that we have a glorious, hopey new president, it's time for the assholes to come out. Idiot L.E.S. designer Apollo Braun—famous for being the idiot who makes sweatshirts saying "Who Killed Obama?"— has issued a mumbly press release declaring that he will not stop making his idiot sweatshirts, despite alleged pressure from the FBI, which may or may not be a likely fabrication like the rest of the idiot's stories. He also gives an appropriately amusing quote!: