Everyone who is not a savvy financial professional would be well-advised to pursue a single investing strategy: buy and hold. That means, whatever you do, do not try to "trade" stock and mutual funds, as if you know what you're doing. Because you don't. Millions of Americans grasp this concept. At least two of their elected representatives do not.

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian is primarily known for harassing employees and harassing journalists and giving poor advice and suing everyone over everything and representing odious clients and generally running a PR firm which is hilariously incompetent and unethical. Who better to teach you about PR?

The title of bumbling self-parody Tom Friedman's column today is "There's Something Happening Here," which is a little misleading. Yes, there is something happening; of that, Tom Friedman is certain. But if you came looking for what is happening, you'll be disappointed.

Yesterday, we brought you the story of Sarah Grunfeld, the 22 year-old student at York University who ran out and publicly accused her (Jewish) sociology professor of anti-Semitism when he said the phrase "Jews should be sterilized"—as an example of a bad opinion. Grunfeld's reasoning: "The words, ‘Jews should be sterilized' still came out of his mouth, so regardless of the context I still think that's pretty serious."

Don't you just love this new batch of Republican governors? This may be the first crop to produce two governors who've pissed people off by removing paintings of the poor in their first months in office. First there was Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who took down a large labor mural because it gave businessmen the willies. Now our old pal from Wisconsin, Gov. Scott Walker, has removed a painting of poor, homeless, minority kids from his mansion, because he preferred some painting of an old bald eagle instead.

On Mother's Day, the Annapolis Capital ran a story about a local lesbian couple with two kids. Something out of the ordinary, progressive, and perhaps even controversial? We'd call that "news." The paper's editor calls it a mistake.

Think you're middle class? Bullshit! Idiots! Nobody in the entire world knows what class they're in, these days. Rich Americans don't think they're rich until they're septa-millionaires. And foreigners are just as bad; a new study of 1,100 Argentinians found that "everyone thought they were basically middle class."

Dan Snyder, wealthy scoundrel and owner of an awful football team whose name is a racial slur, is able to blow countless hundreds of millions dollars on high-profile free agents who immediately become bad at the sport of football upon cashing Dan Snyder's check. But oddly, he is not wealthy enough to buy one decent PR adviser who could tell him to keep his stupid mouth shut.

Chris Tolles is the CEO of Topix, a robo-aggregator site that compiles hyperlocal news and "commentary," meaning internet comments from crazy people. In other words, Chris Tolles is self-evidently America's leading journalistic thinker. He tells Street Fight Mag:

Yesterday afternoon, CBS broke the news that its correspondent, Lara Logan, was beaten and sexually assaulted while covering the Egyptian revolution last week. It didn't even take a full day for a commentator to ruin his own career over it.

Washington Redskins owner and despicable rich guy Dan Snyder has, in typical dumb fashion, followed through on his threat to sue the Washington City Paper, for being mean to him. He also says they are anti-Semitic. What a stupid idiot.

After the horrific Tucson shootings last weekend, future U.S. president Sarah Palin retreated to her prayer cave and prayed for guidance. Today, she's announced her findings: The real tragedy here is "journalists and pundits" who "manufacture a blood libel."

Doddering cottonhead Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen has already stated that he doesn't know what "Wikileaks" is. Today, he adds: can't we just go back to the days when Richard Cohen could caress the testicles of the powerful, in peace?

As rumored and expected, Tribune Co. CEO Randy Michaels is said to be ready to step down this week, to be replaced with an executive committee. On Michaels' way out, we get to hear several more stories of his sexism!

Tribune Co. Clown-in-Chief Lee Abrams has been suspended after sending a poorly-timed memo linking to a video about "Sluts." By our reckoning, that was only the tenth-dumbest thing he's done since his reign of goofball memo terror began. ATTACK!

Is Tribune Co. "Chief Bong Hitting Innovations Officer" Lee Abrams the stupidest man in America not currently starring in an MTV reality show? That's what she said, haha. Oh, we mean: Yes.

The wacky textbook-rewriting rubes in Texas are at it again! This time, the patriotic defenders of patriotism are out to solve the biggest problem facing the teetering public education system in America: pro-Islamic bias.

Washington Post sports columnist Mike Wise pulled a clever stunt yesterday: he put up some fake news on Twitter, to "prove that 'anybody will print anything.'" Actually, he proved it's dumb to assume Mike Wise is a smart, trustworthy journalist.

Billionaire plutocrat Steve Schwarzman committed a "gaffe" recently when he said that Obama's effort to raise taxes on private equity firms is "a war...like when Hitler invaded Poland in 1939." Steve! We are shocked you'd say (or do!) something stupid.

The media backlash against Wikileaks' "War Logs" is well underway. Serious Political Media Types don't want be shown up by online amateurs. The establishment's spokesman: the World's Worst Writer Richard Cohen—the Andrea Peyser of the Washington Post.